“Where’s Bastian?” Jaxsen asked Nizhoni as he walked up to where he met either one of them after school. It was Friday and Sebastian was supposed to pick him up. He couldn’t help his disappointment. 

“They moved up his deadline. He’s got a few things to research before he writes the last few chapters. Sorry, kiddo.” He nodded and silently followed her to her car.

“I’m tired, Zhoni. I’m gonna go lay down for a while,” he told her once they were inside the house. The melancholy was clear in his demeanor. Nizhoni did not take it personally. 

“Okay, baby, if that’s what you want. Homework today?”

He shook his head. “I finished it already.” With that he slowly ascended the stairs to his room. Nizhoni watched him go with a slight frown.

Just before six o’clock Sebastian knocked gently on Jaxsen’s door before pushing it open. Jaxsen lay atop his bed on his side. His azure eyes opened when feeling Sebastian’s weight compress the mattress springs beside him.

“Hey, Jack, how you feeling?”

Jaxsen shrugged. “Okay. Tired.”

“Yeah?” Sebastian asked, running his hand through the boy’s hair while simultaneously checking for fever. He did not have one. Jaxsen sat up, his blue and yellow checkered comforter bunching around his abdomen. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to pick you up today, Jack. It was a last second decision they sprung on me less than an hour before I was supposed to pick you up.”

Jaxsen nodded. “I understand, Bastian. Sometimes you have to work late.” Jaxsen grinned a half-grin that bloomed into a chuckle when Sebastian ruffled his hair.

“Hungry, kiddo?”

“A little bit.”

“Yeah? Well, come on then, dinner is about done.”

“’Kay,” Jaxsen replied before standing on his bed and reaching out to Sebastian. Picking him up off him bed he gave the child a big hug before propping him on his right hip.

“I missed you today, Jack,” he said poking the freckle-flecked nose. “I didn’t like not being able to pick you up.”

Jaxsen smiled and blushed, the heart-felt admission meaning more than he could ever express. “I didn’t like it either, Bastian,” he answered, resting his head against Sebastian’s shoulder.

To make up for not being able to pick Jaxsen up from school the day before, Sebastian allowed him to engage in the B rated horror movie marathon playing late on the Sy-Fy channel. Sebastian loved B rated horror films dating back to the ‘20’s and ‘30’s up to the present day. He’d been waiting all week; which meant now that it was time for it to begin in less than ten minutes, Sebastian armed Jaxsen with a big bowl of pop-corn and himself with drinks for the three of them, and plopped down onto the couch in an unceremonious fashion.

Jaxsen, who was seated betwixt Nizhoni and Sebastian, laughed as Sebastian’s plummet onto the couch bounced him into Nizhoni’s lap. They quickly settled as the first movie began, silence sheathed around them as the beginning credits began to roll across the screen.

To his credit Jaxsen lasted longer than Sebastian had expectations for. Half way through the fourth of the six movies Nizhoni nudged Sebastian, gesturing at the boy with a nod of her head. Sebastian smiled, warmth spreading to a place he thought long dead and buried. His heart didn’t hurt so badly with every beat anymore. He could breathe a bit easier, his chest a bit lighter.

In a moment he realized that perhaps this boy was healing his broken heart, mending his shattered and fragmented soul. The hole left inside him following his only son’s death was gaping, and while Sebastian knew no one could ever replace Daniel, he was beginning to learn that allowing himself to love this boy was not him trying to forget or replace the child he lost.

Jaxsen had Sebastian’s right arm, both his little arms wrapped tightly around his and his head heavy against his shoulder. Sebastian kissed the top of Jaxsen’s head, inhaling the essence of his unique scent.

“Want me to take him to bed?” Nizhoni asked in a whispered voice. He shook his head suddenly not wanting to be away from him. The rest of the movie played as did the final two, but Sebastian hardly noticed, his attention lost in his head.

Somewhere along the line, if it was even actually an issue to begin with, bloodlines no longer mattered. The remaining guilt for his love for Jaxsen was absolved with this manifesting epiphany. He looked to his right at the two most important people of his life and smiled. Maybe starting over isn’t such a terrible thing. Would it be so wrong to embrace this? He hoped not because if he wanted to turn back, he knew he missed the train; he knew as he looked upon his new family and wouldn’t change it for the world.

“Daddy, wake up. Come on, Daddy, wake up. I need to talk to you.” Sebastian opened his eyes and the shaking of his shoulder ceased. When his eyes focused he noticed it was daylight and certain details were off about this morning. He knew immediately he wasn’t in his bedroom and that the bedroom he was in was one he knew. White, flower printed curtains blew from the open window, wind gliding in from the garden outside.

“Danny?” He rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “What-what are you doing here?”

Daniel giggled before his face grew serious. “I need to tell you something, Daddy, so you have to pay attention, okay?”

Sebastian nodded. “Okay, Danny. What is it?”

“He needs you, Daddy. Don’t let him down. Don’t be afraid to love him.”

“I am afraid, Daniel. I’m afraid you’ll think I’ve forgotten you. I do love him…why can’t I tell him?”

“There is no need for fear. I know you love me, Dad. You always showed me that you loved me. You showed me every day up until the end. I wasn’t scared, Daddy, ‘cause you were with me. Because you loved me. Love him, too, Daddy. Let him know because he needs to know…and you need to tell him.” Daniel put his small hand above Sebastian’s heart. “Don’t wait until you lose him before you realize what he means to you. Don’t wait for dawn to take your sunrise.”

Sebastian woke with a start, a sharp inhalation dying on his lips. He looked around the room. He looked, his eyes frantically searching for things and rooms and a son he would never see again. It was night still. The clock’s numbers blazing red like crimson fire, lighting up the darkened room with its red glow. 3:30. The crickets played their nightly orchestra, filling the air with sounds of song, rhythm, bars, and melody. Sebastian’s ears pulsed in tandem with his speeding heart. 

The dream wasn’t what he would consider nightmare-ish, but still he was very shaken by it. He looked to his left. Nizhoni slept peacefully beside him, her slow rhythmic breathing calming his heart. Slowly he crept out of bed and made his way toward Jaxsen’s room, the need to check on the boy suddenly strong. He flipped on the hallway light before opening the dark blue and white door, leaving Jaxsen’s room lit enough to see.

Jaxsen didn’t know what to think about the dream that roused him. He knew less what to do with the myriad of emotions the dream evoked. When his door opened and sudden light poured into his room like spilled water, he froze.

His eyes snapped shut and he wondered briefly if he should fear the reason for this late night visit. He kept his breathing even and controlled, not giving way to not imagined panic. He knew no one here would hurt him. He felt a gentle hand in his hair and a soft kiss to the forehead and it soothed him. He heard Sebastian stand up and turn to leave when, unable to resist, he called out, freezing as soon as the word left his lips.

“Daddy.” 

“Daddy.” The word stopped his blood in his veins, heart mid-beat, and the air froze in his lungs.

Ignorant of what else to do, Sebastian turned back to face him, and simply responded, “Yeah, Jack?”

“Stay?”

Sebastian smiled to himself and climbed in beside his son. Soon as he was settled, Jaxsen buried himself in Sebastian’s essence and fell asleep.

“Bastian?” Jaxsen asked from the backseat. It was Wednesday and the day was winding down and cooling off. The air was beginning to become crisp with upcoming winter.

“Yeah, buddy?”

“Um, I was wondering if Basil could sleep over Saturday. His mom has to work a double shift and there’s no one able to watch him. We would need to pick him up, too.”

Sebastian smiled. The kid was still a bit nervous asking for things, but Sebastian liked Basil and had no qualms about keeping him a night. This wouldn’t be the first time this arrangement had been made. Over the past few weeks, the boy had come over to stay either on a weekend or weekday when his mother had to work a double. Basil was a good kid, and when he was with him, Jaxsen was a normal eight-year-old boy. He laughed and played and there was a sparkle in his eyes that always shinned brightly when the two of them were together. 

Basil’s mother was a single mom who worked two jobs. They struggled but she worked hard for her son. For that Sebastian held the utmost respect for the woman. Basil’s father had left him and his mother just after Basil’s fifth birthday for another man, giving up parental rights and fleeing into the night with his young lover at his heels. Sebastian shook his head at the thought.  He didn’t care about same-sex orientations, but anyone who ran away from their child was less than scum in his book.

“Sure, Jack, that’s fine.”

“Yeah!” Jaxsen shouted in excited triumph. Sebastian smiled again as he watched Jaxsen in the backseat. He had a face splitting grin from ear to ear. That smile was rare and Sebastian would do anything to make it appear more often; and if something as simple as letting his friend stay the night did it, he would accommodate as often as feasibly possible.

Neither one had brought up Jaxsen’s slip of calling him ‘Daddy’, nor did Jaxsen repeat it. Sebastian longed to hear that word toward him again, and until such time he would wait patiently, if with an aching heart. He sighed to himself knowing that before it would happen again or ever on a regular basis, he would have to confess things kept close to his soul. 

“What’s for dinner?” Jaxsen asked as he grabbed his favorite Snapple from the fridge and a Granny Smith apple from a bowl on the counter before sitting down at the kitchen table. 

Nizhoni laughed. “Steak, corn, potatoes and macaroni and cheese,” she said as she set his snack of rice pudding in front of him. Jaxsen dipped his apple into it with a satisfied smile. Sebastian made a face at Jaxsen’s snack combination and the boy’s smile turned into full laughter. Sebastian and Nizhoni shared a glance that said a million things as the child’s laughter rang out around the kitchen.