Sebastian stood leaning against the tree like usual, his face a mask of deep concentration. The wind was mild with a slight scent of rain being carried along the line. He straightened upon seeing Jaxsen ambling along, head and eyes downcast. He did not look up when he stopped at Sebastian’s feet.

“Hey, sweet boy. How was school?” Jaxsen shrugged but made no further reply. Sebastian frowned at the top of the blond hair. He’d been noticing the decline in enthusiasm and excitement as he left school. His first couple of weeks he’d been all smiles and laughs and run-on sentences through the excitement his day had created. He knelt down in front of him, coming down to his level to look him in the eyes. “Hey, what’s going on?”

Jaxsen shrugged. “Nothing. I just don’t feel good. Can we just go home, please?”

Sebastian studied him for a moment before standing up. “Yeah. Come on.”

He unloaded the boy of his burden and slung it easily over one shoulder as they walked toward the truck. The house was quiet and sparsely lit. Sebastian proceeded Jaxsen inside all the while trying to conjure up any reason as to why the kid looked like he was losing an internal battle. He knew for sure something was eating at him when he didn’t go grab his customary apple Snapple and rice pudding.

Instead he climbed up into Sebastian’s lap and laid his head against his chest. He pulled his legs in tightly, crunching them against Sebastian’s side in an attempt to make himself as small as he could. When Jaxsen’s little fists bunched wads of t-shirt inside them, Sebastian lightly ran his fingers over his back. He knew it wouldn’t do any good to keep asking what was bothering him; it would get him nowhere. Jaxsen would come to him vocally when the time came. For now he was reaching out with the need of physical comfort, safety, and love. Realizing and accepting this need and the need for a lacking of words, Sebastian simply wrapped his arms around him, lightly rocking him back and forth.

“Bastian?” Sebastian cracked open his eyes to find two azure orbs staring down at him.

“Huh?” He lifted his head and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Jaxsen? What, what’s wrong, Jack?” His eyes adjusted quickly to the dim light filtering in through from the hall. Jaxsen had left his door cracked when he entered.

“C-can you…I-I-I…”

Sebastian sat up and opened his arms. Jaxsen allowed himself to be held despite the aching in his bones. That pain was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. He wondered fleetingly and sorely when this would stop. The thought made him tighten his hold around Sebastian, his hands clutching. Sebastian pulled him closer, gently tucking the boy beside him. He pulled the covers around them, and threading his fingers through Jaxsen’s hair, spoke softly and kissed his hairline.

“Jack, sweet boy, what’s the matter? What’s going on?”

He didn’t answer. He couldn’t answer. He wanted to. He wanted to so badly but his words kept getting caught in his throat. “They won’t stop, Bastian. They won’t stop. They won’t leave me alone.”

Sebastian frowned. He wasn’t expecting an answer at all, but the choked out words he expected less. At the first admission Jaxsen couldn’t hold back the stress and the pent up emotion from the last few weeks let loose, and exhaustion blanketed him into sleep.

Nizhoni Hosteen watched Jaxsen push around his dinner with his fork instead of actually eating it. He hadn’t eaten more than three bites. “Jaxsen?” Lightly she touched his hand as she said his name. 

He jumped as if stricken, a despondent shriek escaping his lips. He jumped from the table and ran, the chaos he’d been feeding within him taking over all logical thought. In the distant background he heard voices shouting his name but he ignored them. He couldn’t let anything prevent his escape. He ran and ran blindly. Running for his exodus of the pain, confusion, abandonment. In his haste to remove himself, Jaxsen ran smack into Sebastian’s arms, who lifted him closely to his chest. Jaxsen thrashed, castigating his capture, panic pullulating, fueling adrenaline.

Nizhoni watched as Sebastian jumped up, rounding the table and cutting Jaxsen off in the living room just in front of the stairs. Sebastian scooped up the frightened child and pulled him close despite his repeated attempts to flee. She knew this scene all too well. She’d seen it--been a part of it. Only then Sebastian had been too young to pick her up like that. Though he’d held her, keeping her grounded, keeping her from losing herself completely. Absently she wiped away her tears as she and Sebastian locked eyes. Within that one look spoke volumes. 

Sebastian had not disclosed many details about Jaxsen’s ventures in the foster care system. Truth be told he’d been avoiding that particular conversation and now avoidance was no longer an option. 

Moving slowly she came to stand beside Sebastian, lightly resting a hand on Jaxsen’s back. He looked at her through shining eyes for a moment before reaching out to her. Surprised Nizhoni took him, pulling the child close to her breast, her arms winding around to hold him. To comfort him. 

“I did not mean to frighten you, Yanaha. I am sorry, sweet boy.” Gently she rocked him, her arms locked around him, locking and enveloping him in her aura of maternal protection and affection. After a few calming moments Sebastian came into Jaxsen’s line of sight. Instantly and seemingly involuntarily those sad, big blue eyes filled and over flowed. When he got close Jaxsen tensed in Nizhoni’s arms. When he reached to wipe his face of the tears, an endearing habit of comfort, Jaxsen flinched further into Nizhoni, a pathetic whimper betraying him.

Sebastian halted his movement and took a step backward. To any outside viewer his face was that of cool passivity, but Nizhoni knew him better than she knew herself, and knew his heartstrings were wrapped around his throat. The non-syllabic conversation was brief and with one last look at Jaxsen, Sebastian calmly fled the room. She continued to stand and rock him slowly to and fro. It calmed him quickly and she needed him to relax.

“Yanaha, my love, what happened back there?” She kissed him gently as she continued to rock him. 

A sniffle and a shrug accompanied an around-the-thumb muffled, “I don’t know.” Patiently she nodded, ever so slowly rocking in a calming rhythm. “Ith-” He disconnected mouth from thumb. “Is Bastian mad at me?”

Nizhoni laid her head atop of his, rocking, rocking, and placed there a gentle kiss. “No, sweet boy. He’s not mad at all.”

“Are you sure? Are you sure he’s not mad at me?” She heard panic rising in his voice and felt his heart speed up.

“Sh, sh, Yanaha, he’s not mad. Perhaps a bit confused and in want of an explanation as to what all that was about; but mad he isn’t, baby.”

Around his thumb he apologized as he buried even further into her. “What are you sorry for, Yanaha?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well then, if you don’t know why you’re sorry, should you be?”

“I guess not.”

“Then what are you sorry for, Yanaha?”

He was silent for several moments before speaking. “F-for going stupid again.” He spoke lowly, as if afraid someone was going to jump out of the wood works and pummel him. Perhaps someone had…

Nizhoni walked over to the couch and sat them down, Jaxsen still taking residence in her lap. “What do you mean ‘going stupid’, love?” Absently he began playing with the hem of her shirt. After a moment of no response she repeated her question. 

“That’s what Mr. Cunningham called it. ‘Going stupid.’ Whenever I would zone out like that. When the world falls away. Whenever I would-do that-he would grab me and punish me. And and and when you touched me-I thought…well, I thought…”

“You thought I was Mr. Cunningham?”

He nodded, obviously upset. “So I panicked ‘cause the last time was really bad when I tried to run away. I’m sorry, Zhoni. I didn’t mean to get scared.” He sniffled again and wiped his eyes, still not looking at her.

“No harm, no foul, Yanaha. No need to be sorry.” Jaxsen sat up, his eyes shimmering pools of rippling blue.

“Y-you’re not mad at me, are you?”

“No, Yanaha, I’m not mad at you.” She smoothed his hair from his eyes, tucking the silken strands behind his ear. She smiled as his hands covered his yawn and rubbed his eyes. “Sleepy, baby?” He nodded and leaned back into her. “Jaxsen?” She received no reply.

Quietly she ascended the stairs and pushed open the door to Sebastian’s room. He’d been sitting with his elbows propped upon his knees, his head was heavy in his hands. He looked up at her entrance and smiled warily. 

“He finally wore himself out, I think,” she said, quite toned as she sat next to him. He only nodded, keeping his eyes locked on the sleeping face. Smiling sadly he dragged his knuckle lightly down Jaxsen’s cheek.

“When are you going to tell him?”

“Tell him what?” he said, playing stupid. He knew exactly what she was asking; and the look she gave him told him well enough she wasn’t a bit fooled by his forced ignorance. 

“When are you going to tell him you love him, Sebastian?” Her tone was serious, no-nonsense, and she left no room for him to continue his stalling game.

He dropped his head in his hands and shook it despairingly. “I’ve started to so many times. I can’t ever say it. I don’t know why.”

“Do you love him?”

“Jesus, yes. I do. I do love him.”

“Then you need to tell him.”

“Nizhoni-” She cut him off before he could say more.

“Sebastian Conner Green, this isn’t me, or some girl you’ve been dating and can’t express feelings to. This is an eight-year-old little boy who’s been exceedingly traumatized and needs to know he’s loved. You’re all he’s got, Sebastian, and he should never have to doubt or question if you love him. And he does, Sebastian.” He could hear the passion and anger in her voice. And he knew she was controlling her emotions to avoid waking Jaxsen, who was still sleeping in her arms.

Sebastian did not look up from his hands, but kept his face hidden as he attempted to pull himself together. “I’m sorry,” he finally managed.

“You don’t have to apologize to me. I know you love me even if you don’t tell me often. I know how you operate, Sebastian, but he does not deserve to have to question. Two years, Sebastian. You know better than I do what he’s gone through-would you say he should have to question your love, too?”

“No. He shouldn’t.” Sebastian sighed. 

“He loves you. Look at him.” He did. Nizhoni saw the tears in his eyes and hoped she was getting through. “He’s afraid to tell you, you know that?” He shook his head. He couldn’t breathe and failed at his attempt to swallow the emotion choking him. “Do you know why?” He shook his head again, his eyes never deflecting from Jaxsen’s face. “I do. Would you like to know?”

“Let me go put him in bed. He doesn’t need to wake up hearing this conversation, okay?” She nodded and they carefully exchanged the sleeping boy from her arms to his. Sebastian carefully placed him in bed and pulled the covers around him. He kissed his forehead and whispered to him a good night and sweet dreams before returning to his own room where Nizhoni waited with fire in her eyes.