Jaxsen finally emerged from his room close to eight that morning, his hair smashed against his head and sticking straight up. His Superman pajamas were wrinkled and twisted. He collapsed on to a kitchen chair and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

“Morning, sleepy head,” Sebastian said, a smile fully in place, a spatula in hand, a ‘kiss the cook’ apron adorned over his clothing, and Jaxsen’s favorite omelet on the stove.

“Morning, Bastian.” He yawned widely and scratched his head before dropping it on his folded arms supported by the table. Sebastian flipped the omelet and came over to the boy. He smiled and kissed the top of his head before ruffling his hair.

“Sleep well, kiddo?”

Jaxsen looked up. “Yes and no. I woke up a lot. But I slept while I was asleep…if that makes any sense.” He smiled sheepishly.

“I understand your meaning completely, my boy.” Jaxsen smiled almost shyly, Sebastian thought, and looked away. Sebastian went back and turned off the burner before serving breakfast.

After they ate they washed and dried the dishes. Conversation was to a minimum as the few times Jaxsen attempted some conversation, it was clear that wherever Sebastian was, it wasn’t in the kitchen with him doing the dishes. 

“Can I get a Snapple?” Jaxsen asked once everything was put away. 

“Yeah. Then come into the living room.”

Nervousness shot through his whole self. He thought back but couldn’t remember doing anything wrong. He resolved himself to cease the involuntary vibrations in his muscles, the palpitations in his heart. With great anticipation and not just a little apprehension and trepidation, he sat down next to Sebastian clutching the Snapple bottle. His heart was pounding so hard his chest was beginning to hurt, but he promised himself he wouldn’t cry.

“Listen, Jaxsen, I have something really important I have to do today.” Jaxsen frowned. Why did Sebastian seem so sad? He’d noticed he hadn’t been smiling as much even though Jaxsen had been attempting to lighten his eyes from the darkness that had settled there. A few times he thought he’d done it, but it always seemed to return. “I’m going to have my friend come over while I’m gone and stay with you.”

Sebastian pulled the child into his lap when he paled at the mention of being left alone with a stranger. “Hey, sweet boy, it’s okay. I won’t be gone long.” He wrapped his arms around the quivering boy and gently rocked him. 

“How long are you gonna be gone? A couple days?” Jaxsen asked with tears in his eyes.

“What? No.” Sebastian kissed his hairline, the baby soft strands tickling his nose. “No, sweet boy, I’ll only be gone for a few hours.” Try as he might, Jaxsen couldn’t keep his eyes from watering any longer. “Hey, Jack, why the tears?”

Jaxsen shrugged and wiped his face. “I don’t know.” Sebastian swiped away another tear that betrayed him. Jaxsen looked up. “You promise you won’t be gone long?”

“Promise, promise, promise. That’s a triple promise. You know what that means?”

Jaxsen shook his head. “No.”

“It’s impossible to break a triple promise. I won’t be gone long.”

“When are you leav-leaving?” Jaxsen played with the hem of Sebastian’s shirt nervously. 

“In a couple of hours. I’ll feed my growing boy some lunch first. She should be here around one or so. Don’t look so worried, you’ll love her, I promise. She’s amazing.”

Jaxsen nodded and leaned his head on Sebastian’s shoulder. Instantly Sebastian started rocking him, something he learned early on calmed the boy. 

“You’ll be okay, I promise, Jack. I’d never leave you with someone I didn’t trust,” he told the boy in his arms before kissing his temple.

When the doorbell finally sounded, announcing the arrival of this mystery lady with whom was being entitled his care, the anxiety he’d been managing to keep at bay broke free of Jaxsen’s mental levy and felt a heavy dose of consternation spill into his veins. He stayed rigid and quiet as he watched Sebastian get up to answer the door. 

Stop it he chastised himself. You’re not a baby, stop being a baby. He could hear his blood rushing in its circulation. He could hear each heartbeat drumming, as if someone was pounding a bass drum less than an inch from his face. He closed his eyes and concentrated on regulating his breathing and attempting to not throw himself into a panic attack. Vaguely he heard them laughing and conversing somewhere in the distant background. The world seemed secluded from him and suddenly he got the impression of being on the outside looking in. 

Violently his mind screeched to a grinding halt when Sebastian lightly shook his knee to get his attention. He started, his head snapping to the left, frightened azure eyes met worried green ones. 

“Hey, Jack, you alright?” Jaxsen glanced to his right where that lady stood before quickly averting his eyes back to Sebastian. He nodded and looked down at his fidgeting fingers. “Jaxsen.” His voice was spoken low in volume, quiet enough only the two of them were privy of the content of this private exchange. Jaxsen looked up as Sebastian’s larger hands covered his smaller ones, warm and soft and comforting.

“Do you trust me at all? Even a little bit?” Jaxsen nodded, not breaking eye contact. “Then could you do me a favor while I’m gone?” He nodded again, unsure. “Enjoy yourself, Jack. I wouldn’t leave you with someone who I thought might hurt you anymore than I would hurt you myself. And I hope you’re at least learning that I would never hurt you. Understand?”

Sebastian Green climbed slowly from his 2013 charcoal gray Chevy Silverado and walked down the many rows, careful to leave them undisturbed. He walked almost blind, watching his feet, not wanting to glimpse the mounting emotion of all those left behind. He turned right onto the correct row and stopped at the last tombstone on the left.

DANIEL PARKER GREEN

JULY 2000-JULY 2008

LOVING SON MISSED AND LOVED BY

ALL AROUND HIM

“Hey, Danny.” His eyes watered and overflowed. Sitting, he traced his fingertips over his son’s name, the granite cold and unfeeling, unsympathetic to his obvious distress. “Listen, I’m sorry that I haven’t been coming to see you like I should. I think about you every day. I miss you more with every beat of my heart. I got you something.” From his pocket he produced a small plastic bag held together by green cardboard. He spoke as he ripped the package.

“I got these for you. Remember how we used to play Army men in the back yard? I thought we could play for a while like old times.”

He set each man as if they were facing some huge coming battle only they could see. 

“I had to come here today, Danny, for a couple reasons. I wanted to tell you happy birthday and that I…I love you, Danny. And I miss you…so very much. I also wanted to tell you about someone. His name is Jaxsen. He’s eight. I’ve had him for a few months now. I have to tell ya, Danny, I don’t know how well you and he would have gotten along together.” Sebastian chuckled as he moved around the men like they were coming in to invade something. “He’s a really great kid, though. He’s small for his age. Very smart. But, most of all, Danny, is that he makes me laugh. He makes me laugh in a way I haven’t laughed since I lost you…and that…that’s something, Danny. 

“For the longest time I thought there wasn’t anything to laugh about. But, he helped me find it again. And…he doesn’t even know...but…he’s…making my life worth it again. He’s lifting this darkness that’s consumed me. I love him, Danny. He could never replace you. I’d never want him to. I just…I wanted to tell you. You’re my son, Daniel. You will always remain my first child. My little boy. No one can take that from you. I love you, son.”

Suddenly he whipped around to his left and slightly behind him, his fists balled and ready to attack. He relaxed instantly when he saw who it was.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I…didn’t want to interrupt you.”

“Do you want some privacy?” She shook her head. His ex-wife, always the picture of natural beauty, looked almost shy.

“No, I was actually going to ask if I could sit with you.”

Sebastian patted the grass next to him in invitation. She sat mimicking his cross-legged position, their knees not quite touching; but the close proximity was comforting to them both. They each sat quiet for several moments, each lost in their own thoughts. When she spoke it was just above a whisper. Her hands were folded neatly in her lap and her yellow summer dress glowed in the bright sun. The breeze was light but felt good on sun-reddened skin.

“I’m sorry, Sebastian, for my behavior the last time we spoke. I-shouldn’t have come over and waylaid you like that. You didn’t deserve that. I, uh, honestly don’t know what came over me. I’m not trying to make excuses…I don’t want us to hate each other.”

Sebastian set his hand atop hers and held it there. “I could never hate you, Ellie.”

She smiled a little sadly. “I think it’s a good thing you’ve taken this boy in. I can tell the difference in you just from the last time I saw you.”

Sebastian grinned, almost bashfully, down casting his eyes. “Thanks. He’s a really great kid.”

“He was just a baby the last time we saw him. Little for his age. I’ve no doubt that Glen and Sara are happy you finally have him.”

They spent the better part of the next hour conversing and catching up. They talked mostly of their son. They laughed and spoke of good times. They shared tears over the grave of their only child. They spoke of the future. Each as individuals and the future of a possible friendship. After all, they reasoned, they’d once been married over ten years. And friends long before that. They parted on good terms with a long hug and a light kiss. He smiled as he drove the winding roads back to his house, his soul lighter.