The next morning came early for Sebastian as he woke from a fitful slumber. It’s not too often anymore he had nightmares of that fateful day in the park those years ago, but his mind was a minefield of past horrors, centering around his son and the circumstances that brought about his tragic death. Yet something wasn’t quite the same as the dreams that had been haunting him for the past several years. Instead of it being his Danny lying there in a broken and bloody heap, it was Jaxsen looking back at him. 

With a steaming pot of coffee brewing and a full, fresh cup sitting in front of him, he stared at the small, white, rectangular card the Social Services woman gave him before making her hasty exit. He took several deep breaths and dialed the provided phone number. It rang three times before a female voice carried across the wire.

“This is Sebastian Green, I have guardianship of Jaxsen Michaels.”

“Yes, I remember you, Mr. Green. What can I do for you today? Are you having…trouble…with the child?” She seemed nervous with her questions. 

“What? No!” Sebastian couldn’t help the contempt in his voice. “What I want to know is why he flinches every time I reach for him. What I want to know is why my best friend’s son has scars all over his body. What I want to know is what the hell happened to him.” The anger had returned to his blood in full, boiling force. There was a pause on the other end before she spoke again. 

“Mr. Green I cannot tell you who is resp-”

Sebastian interrupted, waving a dismissive hand in the air. “I’m not interested in who. I…can’t be. I want to know what was done to the boy. These are not normal childhood scars. How severely was he abused?” The question made him sick to consider. Again, there was a pause. “Look,” he began in a calmer tone, “I want to help him. He’s the son of my best friend. I can’t help him if I’ve no idea what I’m dealing with. Please. Keep names out, I don’t care, but…what happened to him?”

The woman sighed on the other end. “I only know about what happened at the last placement. Nothing beyond that was reported. A neighbor called the police after another foster child in their custody flagged her down and told her that the boys were being abused. Jaxsen was one of three children placed there. His injuries were the worst. He was beaten. Burned with cigarettes and cigars. Cut. At night he was tied down to the bed. He would go days without food or water and they would lock him in a small closet for hours. That is all that was reported, Mr. Green. I wouldn’t be surprised if more happened, but, honestly, that’s all I know.”

“Jesus,” he managed. “What happened to them?”

“They are no longer permitted to foster and jail time.” She spoke as if it weren’t enough. Sebastian agreed.

“That’s all that was reported?” He heard the shuffling of papers on the other end as she rechecked Jaxsen’s file. 

“It says here he wasn’t allowed to speak…did I mention that?”

“No. No, you didn’t.” That would explain a lot he thought to himself. He sighed. “Thank you, Ma’am, for your help. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course, Mr. Green. Is there anything else that I can help you with?”

“There is one more thing. How long was he there?” More rustling of papers. 

“Eighteen months. It was his longest placement. He was in a group home three weeks before I brought him to you. That’s really all the information I have, Mr. Green.”

He thanked her again before hanging up the phone. He sat there for several minutes attempting to bring himself and his emotions back under control before Jaxsen woke up. A multitudinous amount of time passed before he slowly rose to his feet to begin preparing breakfast. He set a pan on the counter and turned toward the fridge to grab some eggs for scrambling. He turned abruptly at the small gasp that sounded behind him. He realized his vital mistake when he followed Jaxsen’s line of vision. There was the white, rectangular business card set in complete contract to the dark cherry wood stained kitchen table. 

Those empyrean eyes dragged themselves to meet his gaze. Within those cerulean depths Sebastian read multitudes of despair and betrayal. 

“Please don’t send me back, Bastian. I’m sorry if I was bad. I’ll do better, I promise.” Two fat tears fell from his eyes and rolled unnoticed down his pale cheeks. “I’m sorry, Bastian, I’m sorry. Please don’t make me go. We don’t have to go to the park anymore like that lady said not to go. I’ll do anything. I’m sorry if I’m not what you wanted, I’ll do better. I’ll do better, Bastian, I promise. I promise, just don’t make me go away. Please.”

The last word was punctuated by a vexatious sob that nearly brought tears to Sebastian’s eyes. The eggs and breakfast forgotten, Sebastian took the few steps and lifted the timorous child into his arms. Jaxsen wrapped his arms and legs around him in a hold that left no room for interpretation.

They stood in the kitchen holding onto one another. Sebastian held Jaxsen close as he slowly rocked from side to side until the sobs and the tears quieted and slowed. Jaxsen lay his head on Sebastian’s chest, allowing the rhythmic beat to calm him, his thumb securely in his mouth. He’d seen the boy do this on occasion when his stress levels were too high. 

Sebastian sank down into the chair he’d earlier vacated, his hand rubbing up and down the small, quivering back. Sebastian became aware of Jaxsen speaking. He listened closely.

“I’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorry…” Over and over again he repeated this mantra, not bothering to pause between words or many breaths.

“Jaxsen, sh, sh, sweet boy. You’re not going anywhere. I promise, Jack, you’re staying right here. You’re not going anywhere. I promise, baby, sh, sh, it’s okay.” He wrapped his arms more securely around his small body, gently rocking. “Sh, baby, you’re okay. You’re not going anywhere, Jack. I promise, sweet boy.” Sebastian gently kissed the boy’s head, rocking, calming. Jaxsen lifted his head, eyes clearly shouting assumed betrayal and devastated heartbreak.

“Then why do you still have that lady’s card? Why do you have that out if you’re gonna keep me still?” His voice was small, fragile, and completely unsure. Sebastian sighed and decided honesty was best. The kid had been lied to enough.

“Because, Jack, when I was putting you to bed last night, I saw all the scarring on your legs, arms, and torso. I…I wanted to find out what happened to you without causing you the stress of reliving it. I’m sorry, Jaxsen, you weren’t supposed to see that card. I was stupid for leaving it out. But that’s all, Jack.” Sebastian kissed his forehead and smoothed a lock of hair from his eye.

Jaxsen sniffled and wiped his nose with his sleeve. “You promise? Promise you’re gonna keep me?”

The mixture of hope and fear in his voice cut Sebastian to the core. “I promise, sweet boy.”

Jaxsen nodded then frowned as a sudden thought occurred to him. “Are you…only keeping me because of what that lady said about a debt?”

Sebastian frowned. “You heard all that, huh?”

Jaxsen nodded, his eyes downcast. Sebastian sighed and smoothed down the boy’s fine strands of hair still mussed from sleep. He kissed Jaxsen’s forehead again and took a deep breath. 

“A long time ago your daddy and I worked together,” he began softly.

“You were in the same Marine unit, right?”

“Yes,” he answered with a smile. “We went on all kinds of missions that took us all over the world. Well, one day your daddy and I were on a very dangerous mission and it went very wrong. He saved my life that day. I promised him that one day I’d make it up to him.”

Jaxsen nodded thoughtfully before asking again, “Is that the only reason you’re keeping me?” The dejection in his voice broke Sebastian’s heart. 

“I won’t lie to you, Jaxsen, when I heard what happened to your parents, my promise to your dad was first on my mind. I felt duty and honor bound because taking care of his pride and joy, his son, would be the best way to fulfill that promise. At first. That is not the case now, though, Jaxsen.” He ran a crooked finger down the youthful cheek. Two liquid pools of shimmering, aqua-marine orbs slowly looked at him. 

“The truth is, Jack, that since you’ve gotten here, you’ve helped me quite a bit. More than you’ll ever know. More than I can ever tell you, kiddo.” Two more tears rolled down Jaxsen’s reddened and swollen cheeks, and Sebastian wiped them away with his thumbs.

“Don’t cry, sweet boy.” Jaxsen sniffled, bit down on his lower lip and nodded. “Hey.” Gently he lifted Jaxsen’s chin causing the boy to look at him. “I mean it. I like having you here with me. I want you here with me.”

Jaxsen frowned. “Why? No one else wanted me. They just said I got in the way. They never wanted me around except to hurt me. Why do you want me, Bastian?” Roughly he wiped at his face, frowning at his perceived weakness. 

Sebastian ran a soft hand through Jaxsen’s hair trying to arrange his wording. “Because you shine a light on some very dark places in my soul.” He put Jaxsen’s little hand over his heart. “Because until you came I was very sad, and I hurt very much right here. I do want to fulfill my promise to your dad, Jaxsen, but it’s more than that. Maybe together we can heal.” He forced a smile to ease the moment and asked for a hug. Jaxsen wrapped his arms around Sebastian’s neck, embracing and nuzzling him in happy affection.

“What do you wanna do today, kiddo?” Sebastian set Jaxsen on his feet and stood up to resume making breakfast. Jaxsen shrugged and watched as the card was put on top of the fridge. He wondered why Sebastian kept it. He shook his head and put away the thought. 

“I don’t know. Can we just stay home? Watch movies on the couch together or something?”

Sebastian smiled. “Sounds perfect. Go pick some stuff out and I’ll prepare provisions.”

Sebastian climbed into bed exhausted. He glanced at the clock and sighed loudly. The bright red numbers mocked his brain at this late an hour. He watched the minute flip over. 3:52 a.m. He sighed again. He’d been losing more sleep than he’d care to admit. There were a few months out of the year that didn’t bide well with him. He tended to lock himself away during this time, but found now that that familiar safe guard was no longer a viable option. He had to get up. Put on a smile, make breakfast and do everything he wanted to avoid. And as one such month approached, he found it more difficult to ignore that pain in his chest. 

     Through no fault of his own, Jaxsen’s presence in his daily life reminded him so much of what he lost, that in moments like this he found it difficult to concentrate on what he had now, instead of what he once had.

Sebastian laughed as his five-year-old looked up at him with the biggest grin. It split the little boy’s face in an expression of pure delight. The bright blond hair was brown with mud in varying levels of dryness. His round, baby face was smeared with the same substance, chocolate eyes sparkling. Clothes, arms, and every bit of exposed skin, and likely unexposed skin, was completely covered in mud.

“What did you do?” Daniel Green giggled and showed his little hands to his father. 

“I made a mud pie, Daddy.”

“You made a mud pie? You are a mud pie, child.” Sebastian loved his son’s laugh. “Come on, monster, let’s go get you clean for dinner.”

Sebastian rolled over, burying his face in his pillow. His pillow hid a multitude of tears and this moment was no different. He knew he needed to get up and going before Jaxsen woke. With a heavy soul he wiped away his broken heart and climbed into a steaming shower.