The bed was soft under his skin, cool. His mind raced in every which direction at once. He had no idea if this would turn out well, or if this would become a stain that left a bad taste in his mouth, but he knew he wanted this. For the first time, he wanted this. Jonathan's hands slipped delicately under his shirt, Mayson's skin, like fire under his fingertips. Mayson moaned as Jonathan's lips began trailing down from his neck, lightly clasping onto his earlobe.

Mayson gasped as an indescribable feeling shot straight to his growing cock and he wrapped his arms around Jonathan, pulling him closer. Pulling Mayson up, Jonathan pulled off his shirt before pulling off his own and connecting their lips once more.

Jonathan found his way down and clamped teasingly upon Mayson's nipple, and gently rolled it between his teeth, causing Mayson to arch his back in request of more.

Jonathan's hand worked its way lower. His fingers were light in their travels, sending sparks throughout Mayson's body. He moaned against Jonathan's lips as he captured him within another kiss.

Jonathan slowly worked his hand under the band of Mayson's boxers, waiting a moment before grasping his hardening member in soft hands.

Mayson moaned and whimpered, pleasure filling him as Jonathan began to move his hand along him.

Mayson pulled Jonathan closer, biting his bottom lip before sucking it between his teeth. He knew he wouldn't last long, he could already feel the tightening in his balls.

"Jonny, God...mmm..." His breathing picked up speed as his extremities began to tingle.

With another shout Mayson came hard, emptying himself into Jonathan's fist. Jonathan gathered him in his arms as he rode out the pleasure, his body still shuddering with residual effects of his orgasm.

Jonathan kissed him lovingly on the lips. When Mayson moved his hand down, almost mechanically, he was stopped.

"That was for you, little duck."

Mayson frowned. "M-me?"

Jonathan nodded. "Mhm. Mayson, with what you've been through we need to take this very slowly." He kissed Mayson tenderly. "I don't want to ruin this, or any moments, if I can prevent it. When you touch me, I want you to touch me because you want me...not because you think you have to. When I touch you, duck, I want to know you know that it's me." He looked at Mayson tracing a knuckle down his cheek. "I only want you to feel my hands..."

He paused and closed his eyes a moment before looking back to Mayson. "And I...I need to take it slow. 'Cause I'm scared, Mayson. You're the most important part of my life. Nothing else matters...and I'm so scared that you'll realize you can't do this. That I'll scare you away. That I'll want too much, too fast...and that I'll inadvertently hurt you...I'm just...scared."

Mayson nodded understanding. "I am, too, but...d-don't-don't you w-want m-me?"

Jonathan smiled sadly. "In every possible way, Mayson."

In a moment of valor, Mayson reached down and, a new glint in his eyes palmed Jonathan's softening cock. Jonathan gasped, moaned, and pushed into Mayson's hand.

"Then let me return the favor. Please. I want to."

Jonathan said no more as he lost himself in Mayson's slow rhythm. He pushed into Mayson's hand, capturing his lips, exploring each other in a dance old as time, and finding, as they looked into each other's eyes, knew at that moment that together they would make it.

With a guttural moan of Mayson's name, Jonathan came in shuddering spasms that he felt throughout his entire being; soul deep.

They lay together, entangled within one another, satiated.

"Jonny? Why..." Slowly he reached out and gently wiped his face of slow trekking tears.

Jonathan smiled and kissed Mayson's palm. "I'm happy, duck. You...you make me happy. I've been in love with you since we were seventeen. And I never...thought that this would ever happen."

Mayson nodded. "I'm scared, Jonny. I know that you'd never hurt me because I know you...but I'm still scared. I've never been in love, Jonny...what I've always felt for you...I've always loved you, Jonathan, but I ran from it...I don't deserve it, so I...just ran from it while I always ran to you." As he'd begun speaking he'd dropped his gaze, not being able to confront Jonathan's expression, but looked back up as he paused. "I don't wanna be scared anymore, Jonny. I want to know what real love feels like. I want to know what love means and that it doesn't revolve around fear...and I want you to show me. Sh-show me my worth. I want to see myself as you see me."

Jonathan pulled Mayson tight against his breast, holding him close, burying his face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his sweet scent.

"I'll spend every day of my life showing you exactly how special you are, little duck. Every second showing you how beautiful you are...inside and out..."

Mayson nodded unable to speak. "Do...do you really think I'm beautiful?"

Jonathan smiled. "The most beautiful thing in this world. You're my whole world, Mayson."

With one last kiss, they cuddled deeper into each other and fell asleep. Mayson's last thought was that he was surprised at the sexual acts they'd committed, consensual or not, didn't leave him in a ball of tears, shaking on the floor, terrified of the pain he knew to be coming...however, he wouldn't have to wait long before that is just what occurred.

Three days passed as Mayson's physical injuries continued to heal.

Jonathan watched him, a gentle smile playing on his lips. Mayson was skipping rocks into the ocean, watching with wide eyes as they journeyed over the waves before finally succumbing to them. He made a rock skip at least twelve times, and Jonathan chuckled as Mayson turned to him in pure delight.

"Did you see that, Jonny?" The light in his eyes warmed Jonathan's heart.

"I did. That was awesome. I can't skip a rock to save my life."

Mayson smiled. "Come here, I'll teach you."

With a smile, Jonathan got up and walked beside him. He stepped close and hugged Mayson from behind, kissing his shoulder.

"Okay teach me, Obie Wan."

Mayson giggled before launching into a full explanation of the art of skipping rocks.

"You did it!" Mayson cried out excitedly as Jonathan finally skipped a rock three times before it sank. There was a light in Mayson's eyes that Jonathan wished would never diminish.

"Ha! Finally." Jonathan looked at Mayson and gently kissed him. "It's because I had a great teacher."

Mayson blushed and bit his lower lip. Jonathan chuckled again and kissed his forehead and grasped his hand in his.

"Hungry? It's about dinner time."

Mayson shrugged, his face falling a bit.

"What's wrong?"

"N-nothing. Let's just go inside."

Jonathan watched as Mayson began to walk away, his head down, utterly confused as to what caused the sudden change. Quickly he caught up to him, and they walked into the house in silence; Jonathan closed the sliding door gently behind him.

"Little duck, what's wrong all of a sudden?"

Mayson leaned against the bar, his back to Jonathan. Mayson, as well as Jonathan, knew that he'd been avoiding food that day, saying that he didn't have an appetite, which wasn't an outright lie. Jonathan didn't push too hard earlier in the day, but Mayson knew he couldn't get away with eating absolutely nothing all day. Jonathan never let him do that, always making him eat at least once; an arrangement they'd made long ago. For several years Mayson struggled with eating, and it wasn't until Jonathan that Mayson had any kind of regular eating habits. Mayson didn't want to disappoint him by arguing why he couldn't eat right now.

Mayson jumped slightly at the hands that ran their way up his back and around his center, squeezing his eyes shut. Jonathan had no idea what could have caused his change in demeanor. They'd been having a great day together, easy and relaxed around each other. The two days previous to this one had been very much the same. Mayson still didn't speak, didn't look at him. He knew he was probably overreacting, but he didn't know what other way to react. Jonathan had done nothing for him to suddenly feel so kicked into the ground.

"Mayson, what's wrong, hm? Did I say something to upset you?"

"No," Mayson whispered shaking his head slightly. "No, you didn't do anything. It's my stupid brain, it just won't leave me alone."

Mayson's forced voice sounded hollow, detached.

Jonathan frowned. "Well, what's it saying to ya?"

"That I'm failing you," his voice was whispered, horse. "That I'm already a disappointment to you. That it won't be long till paradise is over..."

Jonathan frowned. "All because I asked what you wanted for dinner? I don't understand..."

"It's not that...I mean...part of it..." Mason sighed. "I mean, that's part of it..." Mason sighed again. "Remember a long time ago when I wouldn't eat?"

Jonathan nodded, it wasn't something he'd soon forget. "Yeah. We made a deal...is that what this is about? You don't wanna eat?"

"I just...can't...but I don't wanna disappoint you...or let you down..."

"Compromise?"

"What?"

"Well, I'm starving...so how about I make something for us and I'll make you a small plate...will you try and eat half of the small plate?"

"'Kay," Mayson nodded not meeting Jonathan's gaze. He bit on his lower lip in nervous habit.

"Hey, it'll be all right, I promise. You're not gonna disappoint me and I'm not going to get mad at you for it."

"Promise?"

"Well...of course...look, let's get some movies set up, and we can eat and curl up on the couch and watch some movies? I've got some smoke in my bag. We can get stoned, watch some movies, relax. Maybe then you'll want to eat some. Whatcha say?"

Mayson nodded in agreement and dropped his eyes. He sighed heavily and wished, not for the first time, he wasn't so incredibly fucked up. That he could have a few days of peace without...this...

"Mayson." Mayson snapped his head to his right, startled out of his thoughts. Jonathan ran a knuckle down his cheek before gently kissing his lips. "Stop thinking so much. Let's relax, eat dinner, and go to bed. I know you're tired, duck."

Mayson nodded and looked away. "Hey..." Mayson dragged his eyes back to Jonathan's. "It'll be okay, baby."

"Will it?"

"I won't give up on you. As long as it takes, I won't give up on us. We have each other, yeah?"

Mayson nodded. "We have each other," he repeated.

"Don't be sad, little duck," Jonathan whispered before kissing him again.

"I'm sorry." Mayson bit his lower lip and closed his eyes.

"Oh, baby, don't apologize. You've got nothing to be sorry for." Mayson shrugged. "Hey, I mean it. Mace?"

Mayson looked up. "Can I have a hug?"

Later that night Jonathan lie in bed, holding Mayson close and protectively to his chest, his arms wrapped around him. Mayson was breathing deeply, even, and no nightmares disturbed his slumber. He didn't know if today's sudden mood swing was just that, or if there was something deeper behind it. He was thinking too much. Mayson had always had unexplained and sudden mood swings, but then again, he reasoned, he always tried to figure out the cause of them.

He chuckled lightly to himself. Yes, he would always worry about Mayson. But isn't that part of loving someone?

They'd always shared worry for one another. Jonathan remembered many nights while they still lived with Mamma Scully when Mayson would crawl under his covers, seeking the protection Jonathan offered from his nightmares. Jonathan would pet him, lightly running fingertips over exposed skin and hair, feeling as little by little Mayson relaxed and fell asleep.

After they'd had dinner, where Mayson did eat half his plate, they curled up the couch, a throw blanket spread over them, smoked his weed until they giggled like schoolboys, and watched a few light-hearted comedies before Mayson fell sound asleep, his head leaned against Jonathan's chest.

Jonathan held him, assuring in his solidity and presence, that no matter what battles they were to fight in the coming future, they would fight them together. What Jonathan didn't know as he lay thinking about his future with the man sleeping in his arms was that if he really did love Mayson, his hands were going to get bloody before the final battle's fires were to be extinguished.