"Because...I was always afraid to say anything. My nightmares. My flashbacks. My fears...I always wanted to tell him. Tell him everything they made me do. But I was always so scared to. And now...I can tell him. And I know it'll be okay. I know that with whatever I say, he'll hold me and keep me safe."

Ivan smiled and looked at Corbin. "I would have done that regardless. But I'm glad you know that now."

Morigan smiled as she looked at the clock that hung on the wall. "Well, that about does it for today. These first meetings are always a bit shorter after the paperwork is done with. However, for a first session, this went very well. We'll pick back up next week." She looked at her schedule, "Same time next week?"

Ivan nodded, "That's fine."

"Is this a good time and day to just make this your scheduled time?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

Corbin watched Ivan closely. His voice was tight and his body tense. Not in anger and Corbin was happy that he could tell the difference. He smiled further at the knowledge that he didn't fear Ivan at all anymore. He knew that Ivan would never hurt him, angry or otherwise. But as he watched Ivan as they left the building and headed home, he knew there was a storm brewing in Ivan's soul. One that has been collecting energy for a long time.

"Ivan," Corbin said once they were inside their house. Ivan was kneeling down petting Juno, who was happy to see them both. Ivan stood to face him, but wouldn't look at him directly. 

Corbin stepped closer, their chests touching. He took Ivan's hands in his and squeezed slightly. "Talk to me." Gently Ivan kissed his lips. "Please." 

Ivan held his breath and shook his head the slightest bit, his eyes closing against Corbin's soft, worried, and loving expression. "Cory..."

Corbin could hear the tension in his voice. His emotions were still raw from earlier. "Ivan, let me take care of you for once." And he led him to the couch where they sat down. 

Ivan looked at him. He was home. He was safe. But at what cost? "I failed you." Ivan swallowed past the lump in his throat with extreme difficulty. "I failed you in the worst way and..." Ivan shook his head and looked away. 

His body was rigid, his muscles tense and flexed in an attempt to control himself. His hands were locked together so tightly his knuckles were white. The muscles in his face were taut, his eyes squeezed closed against the onslaught of emotions rushing forward and the look on Corbin's face.

Ivan dropped his head, his arms coming over it, as if he were protecting himself. Corbin frowned watching as Ivan tried to keep from falling completely apart.

"Failed me? You didn't fail me. Ivan...I mean...we talked about this. It would-"

"It would have been so much worse later. I know, Corbin." Ivan sighed heavily. "I know. And believe me, I'm fucking glad that it didn't go that far. But that isn't the point." Growing restless, Ivan stood and began pacing the room. Corbin watched him as his agitation grew.

"Then what?" Corbin said, watching Ivan walk angrily back and forth.

Ivan stopped in his tracks looking bewildered. "What do you mean 'then what'? As if what happened to you doesn't fucking matter? Just, 'oh well, doesn't fucking matter' La la la."

Corbin looked down, his chest tightening at Ivan's tone. Ivan wasn't one to raise his voice at him, and Corbin found that it hurt. "No. That isn't what I meant."

"I promised you that I would protect you. That I wouldn't let them get their hands on you again. That you would never have to feel like that again. And I fucking didn't. They fucking got to you. And they..." Ivan stopped short, his shining eyes searching out Corbin's. 

"I'm beyond any measure of happiness that it didn't go further than it did. As far as it could have. But do you honestly believe that what didn't happen is going to...I don't know...void out what did happen to you?" Ivan slid down the wall and wiped his face. "It doesn't, Cory."

Corbin didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything for a long while. "Why haven't you told me all this? Why haven't you said you're still blaming yourself? Why haven't you told me how you feel?"

Ivan wouldn't look at him, his face a mask that was steadily cracking. "Ivan." Corbin touched his forearm with the tips of his fingers as the first tear slipped free.

"Because." 

"Because why?"

"Because this isn't about me. It's about you. It’s about what you went through. What you've gone through. It isn't about me. I need to take care of you. And I can’t…" It was getting harder for him to speak as he went on; the emotion bubbling from his very core. Ivan looked away, his jaws clenched as he tried to regulate his breathing.

“You can’t what?” Corbin said gently.

“I can’t take care of you if I’m falling apart,” he answered hoarsely.

Corbin frowned slightly. “And I can’t take care of you if you’re hiding from me.”

“This isn’t about me, Corbin” Ivan reiterated with an almost desperate tenor to his voice. 

“You’re wrong,” Corbin said quietly. 

“No, I’m not,” Ivan argued.

“You are if we’re in this relationship together. And I refuse to be in a one-sided relationship ever again.” Ivan brought his gaze to meet Corbin’s. “So, what’s it going to be, Ivan? Are we in this together?”

“We’ve always been in this relationship together,” Ivan said with tears in his voice, his eyes falling from Corbin’s face. 

“Then it isn’t just about me. The things that affect me, affect you, and the things that affect you, affect me.” Ivan nodded slightly, but did not otherwise comment. “Ivan,” Corbin said, placing his hand along Ivan’s cheek, forcing Ivan’s eyes upward. “Please…don’t hide from me. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done to tell you about my past. The pain associated with it…the fear that in the telling, that it would be the end of the best thing in my life…but I did it. I told you…I told you despite everything telling me not to. I feel that…I should be awarded that same courtesy. Don’t you?” Corbin dropped his hand and sat back, not touching Ivan, but within touching distance. 

“Yes,” he said, in a low, choked up voice.