08

The Beginning of Us

As the week passed Ivan kept a close watch on his lover. He hadn't again made any mention of filling him in on more of his past and Ivan hadn't pressed. He'd taken the week off from work to be with Corbin but was now back at his desk. He couldn't concentrate on the task in front of him. Mountains of paperwork he'd put off to focus on Corbin sat untouched. He sighed and picked up the phone. 

"Sammy. It's me. Can we go somewhere and talk? I...really need to talk to you."

Sam heard the tone of Ivan's voice and knew it was serious. He didn't waste time. "Come over to the house. I'm at home. Door's open. Corbin alright?"

"He's as well as he can be. It's me that's falling apart, Sam."

"I'm here, Ivan. Come on over."

Ivan hung up the phone, gathered his things, and left his office not bothering to lock it behind him. 

When he got to Sam's he didn't exit his car immediately. He held on to the wheel with a death grip forcing himself to take large, deep breaths. 

He found Sam sitting on the couch, the television off, and soft ambient music playing in the background. The man was tall, even sitting down, at an astounding six foot five. His blond hair and green eyes were a stunning contrast against naturally tan skin. 

"Hey, man. You look like shit," Sam said with a small frown. 

"Yeah, well, I feel like it, believe me." Ivan sat next to Sam on the couch, leaning forward with his elbows braced against his knees. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"So what's going on?" Sam's voice was soft and full of worry. 

"Is Lynn here? Kids?" He didn't want either the kids or his wife to witness him in such a state of emotional turmoil. 

"No. She and the kids are out for the day. They won't be back until dinner time at least." He took a drink of his beer as he watched Ivan. 

"Alright, good." He sighed again and closed his eyes. "Corbin told me some of his past the other day. A few particulars. He wanted to. And...I mean...I knew what his father was. You know? I knew that he ran an underground child sex slave ring...but it's different when it's the person you love telling you the things he told me. How his father used to rape him. Rent him. He actually fucking told me that his father, while raping him, mind you, wasn't violent...as if raping your Goddamn six-year-old isn't fucking violent. And the whole time he was telling me the things his father did to him..." 

Ivan looked away and wiped his eyes feeling the raging unrest. "All I could think was that I let him get to him. That I failed him because Goddamn it that mother fucker fucking raped him again. I s-saw him...I'd have shot him right then but Devon was right there and I didn't want to chance hitting her. I can't get that image from my head. There was no fight in him, Sam. Just laying there fucking taking it...and I can't get the look in his eyes out of my head. And I can't talk to him about this because, fuck, he's lived with this his whole life and I...I have to be strong for him." He wiped his eyes again. "But Goddamn it, Sammy, I feel like my heart is being ripped out," he closed his eyes against the falling emotion, "and he hasn't even told me that much."

Sam was quiet for a moment before leaning forward, draping an arm around his friend's shoulder. "Ivan, you did everything you possibly could. You have to know that. And man, you can't blame yourself for things that happened before you knew each other."

"I don't blame myself for that. Not...not really. But for the other day? I should have followed them."

"Ivan they knew what your car looks like. You couldn't have followed." Sam squeezed his shoulder.

"Then why do I feel so responsible? Why do I feel like I've failed him, Sammy? Why do I feel like when I look in his eyes that I could have somefuckinghow saved him this time?"

Sam sighed lightly as he looked at his friend. "Because you love him. But you can't...Ivan, he needs to get this all out. If he thinks telling you is going to hurt you, he's going to clam up again."

Ivan nodded as he looked at his folded hands. "I know."

"I love you, Ivan. You know you can always fall apart here if you need to."

"I know. What do I do for him?" Ivan looked at Sam with desperation in his eyes. 

"What you've always done. Just love him. Hold him when he needs to be held. Comfort him when he's upset. Don't push too hard too fast, but know when to push him at the same time." Sam watched as his friend took a deep breath, held it, slowly let it go. "Do you remember when we first met Corbin?"

Ivan scoffed. "How could I forget?"

Ivan and Sam were walking along a sidewalk that led into a park off of Veteran's Memorial drive. They talked quietly to each other; Ivan trying to calm his friend from the large quarrel he'd had with his wife, when they heard a commotion not far ahead of them. 

"They're over there," Ivan said pointing ahead and to the right. When they arrived closer they could see the scene play out in front of them. Two men were arguing and as they got closer they saw the larger of the two men raise his fist and strike the other, knocking him to the ground. 

Ivan shouted, "Hey!" and pumped his legs fully toward the two men. They didn't seem to notice the shout or Ivan and Sam's approach. Ivan caught the other man's arm as he was about to strike the smaller man again, pulling it behind his back. He screamed in pain and Ivan threw him to the ground. "Cover him," Ivan told Sam as he walked over to the smaller man. Behind him Ivan heard Sam calling someone at the department to detain the man. Ivan bent down and softly smiled. "Hey. Are you okay?" Ivan could see bruising on the man's neck running under his shirt. A black eye rapidly appearing against pale skin. He did not reach for the man. He felt a tugging in his chest for the man he'd never before experienced. 

The man sniffled. "No. But thank you for stopping him." His voice was quiet and he wouldn't look Ivan in the eyes, staring instead into the darkness of the park. 

"No worries. Who is he to you?"

The man tightened himself into the human ball he'd transformed himself into. "My boyfriend...I guess. I wanted to leave. He didn't want me to. I walked out of the apartment and he followed me here." He sniffled again. 

"Does he do this often?" Ivan nodded toward the bruises. 

The man laughed without humor, but intense pain. "It's all he does."

Ivan nodded. "What's your name?"

"Corbin McCallum." 

"I'm Ivan. You're safe now, alright."

Corbin scoffed. "I'm never safe." Corbin looked at him briefly before breaking eye contact. 

Ivan frowned at those words and the tugging feeling became stronger. 

"Ivan, James is on the way. He'll be here in ten. Everything okay over there?" Sam asked keeping his weapon aimed at Corbin's abuser. 

"Fine, Sam," Ivan answered without taking his eyes from Corbin. 

"Who's James?" Corbin asked. 

"Sargent Larry James. He works in domestic violence."

"You're a cop?" Corbin glanced at him then before looking away again. 

"Detective, yeah," Ivan answered with a nod. 

Not long after two squad cars appeared and four officers walked together to where they were all crowded. Ivan stood as they came upon them. 

"Larry. Mat. Guys," Ivan greeted. 

Larry smiled as he brought out his hand; Ivan took it. "Fitzgerald. Can't even stay outta trouble on your day off, huh."

Ivan smiled. "Yeah well, you know me." As they talked the other three officers walked over to Sam to apprehend Corbin's abuser. "Everything alright?" James asked glancing down at Corbin who hadn't moved from his curled up position on the ground. 

"Yeah, I think so." Ivan glanced down at Corbin also. 

"Iv, he's gonna have to come make a statement down at the station."

Ivan nodded. "I know. It can wait until tomorrow. He needs to get warm."

It was December, and while there isn't typically snow in the southeast corner of the state, it was below freezing that night and Corbin was dressed in a thin T-shirt, jeans and no shoes. 

James nodded. "Fine with me. Looks like things are pretty wrapped up here. Charges?"

Ivan hears Corbin inhale shakily and spares a glance upward at Ivan. "Domestic battery. We'll talk about it in full tomorrow. Take Sam's statement. It'll be enough to hold him for a while."

Sam walked up next to Ivan then, patting him softly on the back. "Alright?" 

Ivan nodded. "Can you go to the station with them and give a statement?"

"Yeah, of course. What about you?" Ivan glanced at Corbin before looking back to Sam. Sam nodded getting the message and as one he and Larry James walked to his squad car where his partner waited. Ivan was quiet until the cars were out of sight before kneeling down once again to Corbin's level. "Come on. Let's get you out of the cold." Suddenly gaining sense, Ivan removed his jacket and placed it around Corbin's shoulders before sitting down to remove his socks. "Here. They're clean, don't worry. But they'll protect your feet." Without a word, Corbin put them on as Ivan put his shoes back on and tied them. "Come on. My car isn't far from here." They both stood and began walking west. Corbin slipped his arms into the authentic leather jacket and wrapped himself inside it. 

"Wh-where are we going?" Corbin asked. 

"My car. Are you hungry? We can hit a drive through if you are."

There was a pause before, "I, um...don't have any-any money."

Ivan glanced at him as they reached the car. He opened the passenger door. "My treat." Corbin hesitated. "I'm not going to hurt you, Corbin. You'll be alright." Corbin smiled the slightest smile and slid into the car. They stopped through the first place they saw; Taco Cabana. Once getting their food Ivan drove out of the parking lot and began heading down highway 249 toward home. 

"Where are we going?" Corbin asked as he toyed with the foil wrap around his burrito.

"My place. Is it safe to assume you were living with that creep and have no where else to go? You're more than welcome to stay with me. I just don't assume you want me to drop you off at a shelter."

Corbin shook his head. "Yeah, I was living there...if you can call it that. I don't have a key to the apartment. I don't have much there anyway. And...I'd rather not go to another shelter..." Ivan nodded as he continued driving westbound into Tomball.

"He was so quiet that whole drive. I had no idea what to say to him. I really didn't know what I was doing, either, I was just kinda winging it. He just seemed like he needed someone."

"He did," Sam agreed. "He needed you. He needs you. You're doing something right by him Ivan, he's come a long way since that night. And now that it's time to start opening up all the way, all you have to do is just be there. Loving him. And I mean, I'm not saying that you can't or shouldn't show emotions while that's going on...I don't honestly see how you could be stone cold in the face of that information. I know that if Lynn were to tell me something like that happened in her childhood, I'd have probably bawled like a baby wanting a tit. I know it's hard on you both, but neither of you are alone."

Ivan nodded. "Thanks, Sam." He sighed. "He should be getting home soon. I should probably head out. I want to be there when he gets home. He's been really antsy about being alone the last few days."

"Not that I blame him there." They stood up heading toward the front door. "Listen, Ivan..." Ivan stopped at the door, his hand on the knob with the door open the slightest bit. "I know you feel inadequate to do this for him in light of what you know and what you know you're going to find out. But you've done wonders for him thus far. And I have no doubt in my mind that you'll see him through this. So don't doubt yourself too much, okay?"

Ivan nodded with a small smile. "He has come quite a ways, hasn't he? Thanks, Sammy. I love you, man." They embraced, Sam holding on just a bit longer to convey that he was there for Ivan just as much as Ivan was there for Corbin.

"Any time. I love you too, Iv. Go on, get home to him."

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Catherine MacKenzie

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Catherine MacKenzie

Words are my expression. The worlds created, my escape. Leave reality for a while.