Corbin frowned and his heart fluttered. What does he know? "I know you love me. I love you, too."

Ivan swallowed. "But do you know that that won't change?" Corbin looked away. He didn't answer. He couldn't answer. He didn't know. He wanted to believe. How he wanted to believe...and he couldn't lie to him. "Corbin..." Corbin sat up slightly. He felt ashamed at this weakness. Ivan dropped his head against Corbin's chest, the weight of the last several months of running down leads to this case, him learning of Corbin's connection to it all and finally, Corbin's past. Reading it in black and white, picturing his sweet and only love going through the things he'd seen described in plain English, the look that was constantly in Corbin's eyes, his doubt, all became too much and Ivan could not stop the tears that spilled. Corbin wrapped his arms around Ivan not completely understanding but wanting to ease his pain nonetheless.

When Saturday rolled around Ivan was glad for a day off. He woke up with Corbin in his arms, the smell of him surrounding Ivan's scenes. He didn't want to get up but needed to take a shower. The last several days he'd felt a heavy cloud hovering over him and he needed to get the feeling off of him. He slipped out from under Corbin and into the bathroom down the hall. He didn't want to shower in the adjoining bathroom and wake Corbin and instead went to the spare bathroom. He turned on the hot water, undressed and stepped under the massaging spray. He let the steaming water splash against his shoulders, sliding down his back and legs. He moved his head backward into the stream trying to clear his head of all thoughts. Thoughts that had been plaguing him. He smiled several minutes later as he heard Corbin enter the bathroom, undress and step in behind him. Arms wrapped around his ribs and Corbin kissed along his spine. 

"I got cold..." Corbin nipped at his neck and shoulder as his hand traveled lower, grasping Ivan. "And lonely." Ivan could feel Corbin hardening behind him as he hardened in his working hand. Ivan ground himself against Corbin making the other man moan. 

"Corbin..." he moaned and panted, pumping his hips into Corbin's hand. "Corbin, please...need you..." That's as far as his plea made it before his words were silenced as Corbin slid himself into him; he held still a moment before beginning to move within him. He began slowly before Ivan's cries of pleasure drew him forward, urging him, begging faster, baby, faster. Fuck, Cory, oh God, yes. 

The rest of the morning and afternoon were spent with each other, within each other, wrapped around each other. 

"I'm starving," Ivan commented with a chuckle. 

Corbin laughed with him. "Me, too. Wanna go out somewhere? I really don't want to cook."

"Have anything specific in mind?" Ivan asked. They were laying in bed, the sheet stretched across their midriffs. 

Corbin smiled that smile that indicated he did in fact have something specific in mind.

"Maybe," Corbin said, drawing out the word. 

Ivan chuckled. "What do you want?"

"That little bbq place that opened at 1960 and 45. I've been wanting to try it."

Ivan chuckled again. "If that's what you want, beautiful."

They arrived at the restaurant, 'Pig Out', an hour later, ordered and chose a small booth in the back corner of the place, away from the small, early-dinner time crowd. Through the meal they were relaxed, laughing in light conversation, the stresses of the last week especially, finally fading into the back of their minds. 

Their laughter died as someone approached their table. Ivan looked at the woman who stopped, her angry stare directed directly at Corbin. Corbin's face was pale, his brow broken out in heavy perspiration. 

"How fucking dare you, Sean? How could you do that to me? To us?"

Corbin's breath picked up. "Devon, what-"

"Didn't think you'd ever see me again did you?"

Ivan looked at Corbin with a frown. "Sean? Who is this woman?"

Devon laughed, a low and evil sound. "Didn't tell him your real name, huh? Did you tell him you left a wife and two kids behind? Is this who you left us for?"

Ivan's heart rate sped up. "What the hell is she talking about?"

Corbin gasped, looking between the two of them, unable to answer. His worst nightmare was coming to be. Suddenly all the panic, all the panic and all the fight drained completely out of him. He slumped over in defeat. 

"I think it's time to come home now, Sean. You've had your fun. It's time to go."

Corbin closed his eyes and stood before looking at Ivan, and speaking in a shaky and finalized tone said,  "What we had was...the best thing I've ever known." He leaned down and kissed his cheek. "They'll kill you if you try to find me. Don't die for me. I'm not worth your life, Ivan." He stood. "I love you, Ivan. I'll never forget what we had."

Ivan sat there ten minutes after they left before getting up and getting into his own car. His heart was racing. As he sat down he noticed a book he immediately recognized sitting in the passenger's seat opened to a specific entry. It was Corbin's journal. Something he never failed to write in. His hands shook as he began to read. 

He read the writing, a note clearly written for him. His eyes watered as his heart broke, shattering like glass against concrete. 

'I was first struck by the absence of time, having depended on it so completely as a measure of my self and my life; moving backward into the perpetual night it consumes purpose, indeed, all passion and will. I come to you, old friend, with the dull clarity of the dead not to beckon you, but to feel the fire and intensity that still live in you; and the heavy weight of your burdens which I had once borne. There is truth you know, friend, if that's all you seek, but there's no justice or judgment without which truth is a vast...dead...hollow. Go back. Do not look into the abyss or let the abyss look into you; awaken the sleep of reason and fight the monsters within and without. 

For the first time I feel time like a heartbeat. The seconds pumping in my breast like a reckoning. The ruminous mysteries that once seemed so distant and unreal threatening clarity in the presence of a truth entertained not in youth, but only in it's passage.' I feel these words as if their meaning were weight being lifted from me, knowing that you will read them and share my burden as I have come to trust no other. That you should know my heart, look into it, finding there the memory and experience that belong to my darkest corners, that are the me that I have endeavored so earnest to hide, is a comfort to me now as I feel the tethers loose and the prospects darken for a continuance of a journey that began not so long ago, and which began again with a faith shaken and strengthened by your convictions. If not for which I might never have been so strong now as I cross to face you and look at you incomplete, hoping that you will forgive me for not making the rest of the journey with you.'

This was his goodbye. He was saying goodbye. He'd left it open for him when they left. Ivan shut the book and gently set it down on the seat next to him. You knew you wouldn't be leaving that restaurant with me, didn't you? His phone began to ring in his pocket. He cleared his throat and eyes before answering. It was Sam.

"We've got him."

Ivan drove like a maniac, his car weaving in and out of traffic down Interstate 45 toward downtown to the address Sam had given to him on the phone. "Hang on, baby, I'm coming for you."

Corbin got into the car Devon indicated without protest. Not a word was spoken until they pulled out onto the freeway. 

"You're a hard one to find, little brother."

"You seemed to have done a good enough job."

Devon looked over at him before looking back at the road. "Dad wanted you back. I was responsible for tracking you down."

"Did you ever think I never wanted to be fucking found?" Corbin's voice was tight, restrained. 

"Don't you get it, Sean? Our lives are not our own. They never have been. It doesn't matter what you want. What we want. You think I want to do this?"

"Then let me go, Dev. Please, Devon, let me go. I was happy. I found someone who loves me."

"I can't. I'm sorry, Sean. I protected you as long as I could." Twenty minutes later they arrived at their destination. "Come on. We can't keep him waiting."

Corbin's legs were so shaky he could barely stand. His heart was pounding as they walked into the strange residence. He felt himself fall easily into old habits. He didn't look around. His head pointed at his feet. Hands submissively collapsed in the front. Corbin followed his sister into a living room where he sat waiting for them both. He stood, as if on display, in front of his father. 

"Sean. It's been some time, son." He stood and came slowly closer. He was every bit as terrifying as he'd always been. They stood face to face. "Kneel, boy. It's been too long since your mouth has been wrapped around me." When he didn't respond, Corbin was knocked off his feet by a backhand across his eye. With a yelp of surprise he went down. "I. Said. Knees, boy." He was on his knees. He knew the dreadful task at which he was about to be forced into performing. When he was finished, his father, Alister Martin, picked him up to his feet before delivering a hard fist to the diaphragm. The beating continued. Corbin dare not fight back. 

When he woke up he was naked. His hands were tied. He was on his stomach on a bed. He kept his eyes closed. They knew he was awake. He knew they knew. And he kept quite like he was supposed to. Suddenly he felt hands along his body and fought every instinct to recoil away from that touch. He knew well the penalty for that act of insubordination. He didn't cry as he felt someone enter him, though he couldn't defeat the shame at his body's reactions, his mind screaming his betrayal of Ivan.