(Secret - not known or seen or not meant to be known or seen by others)

Ivan Fitzgerald unlocked the front door to his suburban home. A simple single story, three bedroom, two bath home in an upper middle class neighborhood in southeast Texas. The city of Houston was a forty-five minute drive to downtown if the traffic on I-45 was down to a minimum, which often wasn't the case. 

The city of Tomball was set in a suburb of northwest Houston, a German settled town dating back to the eighteen hundreds; with a population of less than twelve thousand. 

Upon entering Ivan was greeted by a low growl; the house was dark. "Easy girl," he said, flipping on the light in the foyer. 

The one hundred and twenty pound Irish Wolfhound-Great Pyrenees mix went from deathly serious to happy puppy in an instant. Ivan smiled as he bent down at the waist, scratching behind her ears. "Where's Daddy, huh? Is he asleep already?" Ivan stood, crossing through the living room and down the short hallway to the bedroom he shared with his partner (he hated the term boyfriend). He entered and smiled. 

Corbin McCollum lay curled under the covers, his knees drawn up to his chest, his arms bent at the elbow, tucked against his chest. Ivan watched him sleep. He smiled at the sight, but as always there was a familiar pang against his soul that accompanied it. A pang he had yet to quite figure out. A mystery he was determined to understand. 

They'd been together now three years and they'd been collectively the best three years of his twenty-eight. He knew there was a dark secret Corbin kept tightly under wraps and close to him. Closed off and locked away, unable or unwilling to divulge the information. What was the reason behind the ever present sadness that never seemed to fade? Why did he sometimes catch him staring at him with a look he can never quite put a label on when he thought Ivan wasn't paying attention?

Ivan slowly undressed before crawling into bed next to Corbin. He'd learned over the years to be wary of Corbin while asleep. Normally jumpy and prone to nightmares and night terrors, he often fought in the throws of sleep. He gently laid his fingers against his upper arm, working his thumb in soft motions.

"My sweet, I'm home." He kissed the shoulder his hand rested against. Corbin responded with a sleepy smile before flipping around, circling his arm around Ivan's side, snuggled into his chest. Ivan smiled, running his fingers through Corbin's curly, blond hair. "Hi, my sweet love. I missed you, too." He checked his watch, rubbed his eyes. The analogue clock fastened round his wrist read 2:05. He sighed. He was thankful he had off work for the next two days. He needed it. He needed the forty-eight hours to recoup and attempt at getting this damn case off his mind. After five months they had yet to catch little more than fleeting, circumstantial evidence, and nothing to tie it to the main suspect. It was wearing on him. Pulling Corbin closer he closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the feeling of having his love in his arms as sleep overcame him. 

When he woke the sun was making its way across the sky, though he could tell by the light coming in through the blinds that it hadn't made it too far yet. The space next to him was empty, the sheets cold. Ivan rubbed his eyes and threw his legs over the side of the bed, and stood. As he padded down the hallway he followed the smell of breakfast to the kitchen. 

Corbin had his back to him as he entered the kitchen, his visual focus trained on the skillet in front of him. Ivan hugged him, chest to back, and kissed the back of Corbin's neck. Corbin smiled, melting into Ivan with a contented sigh. 

"Good morning, beautiful. Been awake long?" Ivan held him for a moment before dropping his arms and stepping back. 

Corbin shrugged as he picked up the spatula. "An hour, or so. Long enough to shower and whatnot and make breakfast. Which is ready, by the way, so I hope you're hungry."

Ivan smiled as he grabbed two plates from the cabinet. "Starving. I was hungry when I got home, but I was more tired than hungry and just wanted to curl up with you and get some sleep." 

They sat down at the kitchen table, conversing through their meal. "Hard night?"

Ivan nodded. "This case. There's something I'm missing and I can't put my finger on it." He shook his head. "I don't wanna think about it for the next two days. That's all I've been thinking about lately. Let's do something. I wanna relax for a bit. Get away."

Corbin took a drink of his apple juice. "Where would you like to go?"

Ivan shrugged. "What about the beach house? We haven't been able to get out there in months. And it's August. Weather is forecasted to be bright and sunny." He smiled. 

Corbin returned the grin. "Sounds like fun. We can eat and pack up. We should wait until the morning rush has cleared on 45 though and try to beat the worst of the lunch rush."

Ivan grinned like a school boy who was excited to be allowed to skip school. "Ha. It doesn't matter what time of day it is, there will always be traffic on 45. Takes half an hour to go half a mile."

Corbin chuckled. "Yes, well, maybe if we beat the large part of the rush, it'll only take twenty minutes to go half a mile."

"Smart ass," Ivan laughed. "It's true though."

They finished breakfast amicably with silly banter and laughter before heading to their room and gathering enough clothes to last their trip to the beach. 

With their things and the dog loaded, they set out traveling first down highway 249 before turning south on Interstate 45 toward Galveston. 

Upon reaching the Sea Wall almost two hours later (due to traffic on I-45) Corbin said, "You hungry? I kinda want some Sonic before we jump on the ferry."

"Yeah that sounds good, actually. What about you, Juno? Need to pee, girl?" The dog wagged her tail in affirmation. 

Corbin loved the smell of the sea air and rolled his window down to enjoy it. Turning off the AC, Ivan followed suit. Instantly, along with the saltwater air, the scalding heat flowed into the cab of the Chevy truck. Corbin smiled as the sunlight hit his face, closing his eyes. Ivan smiled to himself before reaching over and lacing his fingers through Corbin's.

 They ordered their lunch, allowed Juno to do her business, and ate. Through bites of food Corbin said, "The ferry line is going to be forever long." He looked at the dashboard clock. "My guess is two hours. What's yours?"

It was a long running game. Whoever guessed the wait time, didn't cook dinner. Ivan smiled. "I say two and a half."

There are only two ferries that trek people and their vehicles across Galveston bay to Crystal Beach, a small island half an hour's ride from the main Galveston Island. Ivan had lived in the area his entire life and was well accustomed, as now was Corbin, who grew up closer to San Antonio than Houston, to the waiting line to board the ferry. 

"Ha!" Corbin said in triumph as Ivan shut the engine off once they'd pulled onto the deck of the ferry. "Looks like you're cooking dinner."

Ivan laughed. They had waited just under two hours. "It would seem that way, wouldn't it? Wanna come count the jellyfish with me?"

Corbin smiled happily at him, his eyes shining brightly in the sun. "I'd love nothing more."

Making sure to leave the window down far enough to allow Juno enough fresh air, they wandered to a less crowded part of the boat and looked over. 

"They're everywhere today," Corbin said pointing. 

Ivan wrapped his arms around him and kissed the side of his neck. "I love you."

Corbin smiled, bringing his hands to grip Ivan's forearms. "I love you, too." And he did. He'd never loved anyone before this man. He'd never love anyone after. Corbin pushed that particular thought away and focused on this moment they were engaged in. He knew eventually this honeymoon life he'd been enveloped in would end and he would have to face reality; but that time wasn't now and he was determined to memorize every moment with this man, because he knew the promise of forever would be much shorter than Ivan anticipated.

"Hey, you okay?"

Ivan's voice jerked him from his thoughts. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, kinda got lost in my head for a minute."

"No need for apologies. Anything you wanna share?" He knew the answer but still, he'd never stop trying to get Corbin to open up. 

"No. I'm going to go check on Juno." Disentangling himself from Ivan's hold he walked back in the direction they'd previously come. 

Ivan watched him go knowing by now he needed an allotment of time to gather himself back together. He sighed and once Corbin vanished from view, turned back toward the water, the jellyfish no longer keeping his entertainment. Ivan knew that by the time he reached the truck that Corbin would seem to be in better spirits, his smile back on his face, though his eyes...his eyes will always hold that hauntingly haunted, even if slightly hidden, expression. 

Once the shore was in view Ivan returned to the truck. Corbin stood by the driver's side leaning against the backdoor, rubbing Juno's ears and face. Ivan leaned against the driver's side door. "Hey."

Corbin closed his eyes before looking over at him. "Hi. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, my love. I just wish you'd let me in." He stared at him a moment before lightly sighing. "Come on. We should get in the car, we're about to dock. Corbin," Ivan called as he turned to round the rear of the vehicle. Corbin turned but didn't say anything. "I do love you, you know."

Corbin nodded slightly and half grinned, though the expression did not reflect the usual light that accompanied those words. "I do. I love you, too. I...I really do."

The ride to the beach house was short, but quiet. As they drove past oil rigs and beach houses, palm trees and small convenient stores, Ivan reached out and clasped Corbin's hand. Corbin took it, squeezed tightly and held his position. Ivan didn't comment on the needlessly firm grip.

They pulled up next to the beach house and exited the truck, making their way up the stairs to the front door. Beach houses on Crystal Beach are all built on high stilts to withstand the flooding of a hurricane or tropical storm. Juno entered the house first, asserting that she actually ran things and her people did her bidding.

Ivan threw their bags down by the back door with every intention of putting them up at a later time. "Corbin." Ivan turned him around to face him, his hands lightly gripping the other man's shoulders. "I love you." He brought one hand up to cup Corbin's cheek. "I would do anything for you. We've been together for some time now and you mean the world to me. You know that don't you? I mean really know that." Corbin nodded slightly, looking down. "You've never told me about your past," Ivan said in low tones.

Corbin looked up, his eyes taking on a look Ivan hadn't seen very often within their relationship. "Ivan." There was warning in his voice.

Ivan continued speaking. "And I'm not going to press you. I know something terrible happened, that much I have been able to deduce on my own. Vague as a conclusion that it is. But I want you to know, and I'll tell you as often as I need to to get you to believe me...I. Love. You. And that means I'm here. It means if you ever decide to tell me what happened, I'll still be here. I'm not going to leave you because of it." Corbin didn't reply. He didn't look Ivan in the eyes. Ivan sighed and kissed Corbin's forehead and took a step back. 

"I..." Corbin began and paused. Ivan turned back to face him completely. "I've never told anyone. About any of it. I...I just couldn't. I can't."

"Love, like I said I won't press the issue. You'll come to me when you're ready. But when you're ready, I'll be here. And I'll still be here. I'll still love you just as much if not more so afterward."

Corbin looked up. "How can you be so sure?"

"Because I love you." Ivan kissed him gently, drawing his knuckles down Corbin's cheek. He smiled at him and kissed his forehead. "You wanna go play on the beach until we get hungry enough for dinner? Or we can go fishing off the rocks."

Corbin smiled slightly. He hated moments when he felt himself weak, but biting his lower lip and wrapping his arms around himself asked, "Can you just...hold me for a while? Please?"