When Sam walked through the front door, he found both Sy and Shelly by the dining table tearfully embracing. He felt his body go on high alert as he asked, “Hey. Is everything alright?”

They turn, each smiling at him. “Yes!” Shelly exclaimed in all of her excitement. “Reagan asked me to move in with her. I said ‘yes’!”

Sam immediately smiled, the anxiety that suddenly shot through his veins dissipating. “That’s fantastic! Holy shit, I’m so happy for you.” He hugged her tightly. When he pulled back, his smile faded the smallest bit. “Does Sammy know?”

Both Shelly and Sy winced at the question, which told Sam that Sammy didn’t take finding out very well. “He kinda overheard. He’s currently not speaking to either of us,” Sy told him with a glance behind him at Sammy’s door.

“He thinks I’m leaving him. He’s very upset.”

Sam kissed her cheek. “I’m sure he’ll come around to it. You want me to see if I can talk to him?”

“Maybe you can get him to not be so mad at me.” Shelly grinned sadly. She hated that Sammy was so upset with her. 

Sam pulled her into a side hug, his smile still present. “I’m really happy for you. Does this mean you’re going to be bringing her around more often?”

Shelly grinned at him and Sam could see the love that shone in her eyes. “I’m sure, yes. It takes her a bit to warm up to people, but I’m sure she’ll be around more.”

Smiling, Sam hugged her again. “I’m really happy for you. She seems pretty awesome.”

The look in her eyes and on her face spoke of the adoration and love she felt for the other woman. “She’s amazing. I think that this could be it, guys.”

“You deserve to be happy, Shelly. You love her?” Sam asked, his arm still slung around her back.

“Very much so,” she replied with an ever growing smile.

Giving her another squeeze, Sam let her go, kissed Sy and said to Shelly, “Do you know when you’ll be moving?”

Shelly shook her head. “Her roommate isn’t leaving until the end of next month, so not before then. But I wanted to talk to you two about it to make sure that I wouldn’t be leaving you in a bind with Sammy.”

“You won’t be,” Sy told her gently. “I promise.”

“And you both can still count on me to watch him and I’d love it if he came and stayed with us sometimes.” She looked at Sy then, her eyes watering. “I’m really going to miss you.”

Pulling her into a tight hug, Sy said, “You have your own life to live, Shelly. Live it. I’ll always be here. Always.”

With a kiss to her cheek, Sam moved past them and toward Sammy’s room. He knocked lightly on the door before opening and walking through. He could see Sammy lying on top of his covers from the beads of sunlight filtering in through his shaded window. Without a word, Sammy moved over and stretched out his arms to Sam, who crawled up beside him and took him into his arms.

“What’s the matter, Sammy boy?” Sam wiped away the tears saturating Sammy’s cheeks.

“Aunt Shelly is leaving me.” At these words, he burrowed further into Sam’s chest, tears present still in his voice. “She doesn’t want to live with us anymore. She’s gonna go live with Reagan and forget me.”

“Ah, baby boy. She could never just forget about you. Your Aunt Shelly loves you more than you’ll ever know.”

Sam’s words were like a solid punch to the boy’s heart and his tears fell with more earnestness than they had before. “Then why does she want to move away?”

“Because she and Reagan love each other and want to be and live together. But that doesn’t mean that she loves you less.”

The boy shrugged, clearly not convinced by Sam’s words. “I guess so. Will you stay with me for a bit, Daddy?”

“Of course I will, sweet boy.”

“Daddy?” Sammy questioned after about fifteen seconds of silence. 

“Hm?”

“Am I selfish for being sad that Shelly is going to leave?”

Sam wished with all his power that he could take the pain from his namesake’s voice and he pulled Sammy a bit closer to him. “No, baby. You feel how you need to feel. And what you feel matters and it is a valid feeling. It’s okay to be sad when someone you love is moving and circumstances change. Especially when that particular circumstance is all you’ve ever known.”

“I don’t want her to go. I’m gonna miss her a whole lot. She’s always been with me and Daddy.”

“I know she has, sweet one. But something you’ll learn as you get older is that life is kinda like a chapter book. Things and situations and circumstances change. This is one such occasion. Moving in with Reagan is a new chapter in Aunt Shelly’s life.”

“Is it okay that I’m still sad that she’s leaving?” 

Sam could feel tiny fingers playing with the fabric of his shirt as Sammy spoke. It tickled but he ignored it. “Of course it’s okay to be sad.”

“Good,” Sammy said. “‘Cause I’m really sad she’s leaving, Daddy. I’m really sad.”

“I know, Sammy boy.” He kissed the boy’s forehead and neither said anything more as Sam lulled Sammy into a nap.

Chapter Fifty-Eight

Sammy attempted to concentrate on the interview his father was conducting Friday morning. He occupied Shelly’s lap, his anger over the last few days dissipating to clinginess, his head resting against her chest as he played with her fingers. It was a follow-up interview and Sy wanted to know what he thought because they’d be spending quite a lot of time together, and Sy thought it important that his son at least like his teacher.

All Sammy could think about was all the abrupt changes in his life through the recent months. He knew that he wasn't dealing with things all that well, but he couldn’t figure out how to be the boy he used to be when it came to his temperament.

During the first interview this woman and his father went over his accident, her credentials in handling children with emotional problems, TBI’s in children in general, where he had been in school (class work, grade, scores etc…). Sammy had no real opinion of her one way or the other besides the anger he felt at not being able to live the life he had once had.

For the most part he was almost as good as new. His bones had healed nicely, and he could go for longer and longer periods of time without any assistance in walking. He could even run short distances, but found the pain that followed wasn’t worth it. His physical therapist was always telling him to be patient, that he would be able to do all the things he used to be able to do within the next year; but found that patience was no longer one of his virtues.

Sammy was brought from his thoughts when his father said, “Can you start as early as Monday?”

The boy’s eyes flicked over to the woman, who was now smiling brightly in the knowledge that she just landed a very well paying, private teaching position. She was on the homely side of adorable with straight brown hair and deep brown eyes, standing at an even five-foot-five; she was an unremarkable type of attractive. 

Makayla Jacobson stood and reached out a well groomed hand to Sy, who stood as well, shaking it. “I’ll be here,” she said with a bright smile. “You said ten, correct?”

“Yep.” Sy dropped her hand. “Times for the end of the day might vary. I don’t want to push him too hard, too fast. Or if he gets too overwhelmed and what have you. I want to kinda ease him back in for now. But don't let how long you're here worry you about the pay. It'll be the agreed upon amount regardless.”

Makayla had to admit that was a great deal and couldn't help but feel relieved at the news. The amount paid would be $2,000 a week, and she couldn't help but sigh in relief. She badly wanted to get out of her crowded two bedroom apartment and into something bigger.

She smiled brightly, saying, “Totally understandable. And like I said Monday, I can help him with coping skills should that happen to show him how to deal with big feelings.” She smiled at the boy then, sending him a little wave. He returned the wave, but did not proffer her a smile.

Sy looked relieved at hearing this again. “That would be great.” They turn as one, heading for the front door. “Since the accident he’s had a hard time in regard to emotions. I’m doing what I can, but even with researching the information on coping skills, my knowledge is limited.”

Makayla smiled in sympathy. “TBI’s can be like that at times. I think he and I can work out some coping methods that will help him.”

Sy smiled as they reached the door. “That would be fantastic. Well, I hope you have a great weekend. Drive safely. And we’ll see you on Monday.”

She shook his hand again, her smile ever present. “I really appreciate this opportunity. Thank you. And I’ll see you and Sammy Monday.”

When Sy re-entered the living room, he gave his son a bright smile that wasn’t returned. “Are you excited to start school again on Monday, Sammy?”

He shrugged. “Not really.”

Frowning as he sat back down in the recliner, Sy asked, “Why not? You love school?”

Sammy’s features then filled with fury as he turned anger filled eyes on his father. “I just don’t care, okay? I miss my teachers. I miss my friends. And it’s bullshit that I can’t go back!” Without another word, Sammy jumped up from Shelly’s lap and ran into the office where Sam was having a meeting he couldn’t get out of about a marketing project that he was to be beginning the next week. “Daddy!”

Sam looked up from his computer screen, the conversation interrupted and put on hold as the boy clambered into his lap, highly upset. He pressed his face into Sam’s chest as the sobs he could no longer hold back bubbled forth.

“Whoa, Sammy. Easy, baby. Easy.” Looking at the computer, he gave them an apologetic look. “Sorry, guys.” His smile was just as apologetic as his look had been. “Were there any more details that we needed to cover?”

There were several chuckles before someone said, “No, Sam. We pretty much covered it all. Enjoy the delights of fatherhood, my good man.”

Sam’s smile widened then as he petted Sammy's long hair at the back of his head. “Thanks. I am rather enjoying it.” When movement from the doorway caught his peripheral, he smiled gently at Sy. “Alright, guys. If I have any questions, I’ll email you and I’ll keep you up to date on any progress or snags as I go.” When the meeting had ended and Sam shut his computer screen, he looked at the boy in his arms, wrapping both arms around his side. “What’s going on?” he asked as Sy came fully into the room.

“He’s not thrilled about school. Or his new teacher.”

“Ah.” Sam kissed the boy’s head. “Decide on someone then?” Sy nodded. “That’s great. I’m sorry again that I couldn’t make the second interview.”

“No worries. We’d both pretty much decided on Makayla anyway. She’ll be great with him, I think, once he warms up to her.”

“I don’t wanna warm up to her,” Sammy instantly countered, his head still pressed into Sam’s shoulder. “I want my old school and my friends and my old life back!”

“He told me before storming in here that it’s bullshit he couldn’t go back to his school.”

Sam frowned slightly before looking down at the boy. “Sammy.” Sam’s voice was gentle, but held still a scolding tone. He felt the boy’s shoulders hunch. “Sammy, look at me, please.” Slowly Sammy sat up and looked at Sam, his eyes full now of sadness and apprehension, biting his lower lip. “I understand you’re upset, and it’s alright to be upset. But, it’s not alright to cuss at your father. Do you understand?”

Looking down, Sammy nodded. “I understand.” His chin began to quiver as tears began to fall.

“Now, I think that you need to apologize to Daddy.” Sy smiled as he watched them. Never once did he raise his voice or use a threatening tone. 

Sammy turned then, cheeks wet and eyes shining to his father. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

Sy smiled at him. “It’s alright, baby. Can I have a hug?”

Nodding, Sammy climbed down off of Sam and clung tightly to his father, his cries increasing into sobbing. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I don’t understand why I get so mad and so sad about things. I hate it! I hate myself for being like this now!”

Sy tightened his grip around his son, looking at Sam with Sammy’s words, his eyes shining with worry. “Baby…” 

Sam stood then, kissing Sammy’s temple as his right hand went to the boy’s back, his left to Sy’s back. “Why do you say you hate yourself, Sammy boy?”

With his face buried in Sy’s neck, his words were muffled, but clear enough to understand. “Because! I just want to be normal Sammy again. And I feel like I’m going to be broken forever! And I hate it, Daddies. I hate it. I hate being like this.”

“I know it feels like it’s taking forever baby,” Sy began gently. “And I know that you’re tired of hearing that your brain will take time to heal. But that’s the truth. It hasn’t been a very long time since the accident, baby. You have to try and be patient with yourself.”

At Sy’s words, Sammy’s cries increased. “It’s just all too much Daddy. I can’t handle it. I can’t, Daddy. I can’t.”

Sy began to sway the two of them gently, attempting to calm his son down as well as his own racing heart. “That’s part of what you’re going to learn. You know how we’ve always done breathing exercises?” Sammy nodded. “That’s called a coping mechanism. Your new teacher is going to teach you how to cope with all these big emotions you’re experiencing. She’s going to help you to understand what you’re feeling and how to deal with what you’re feeling. Not just regular school stuff. This isn’t a permanent arrangement, Sammy. But you’re just not ready yet for your other school.”

Sammy sat back and looked at Sy through reddened eyes. “But I will be one day?”

“Yeah, baby boy. You will be one day.”

Sammy nodded, taking in what Sy had told him. “I really am sorry about earlier, Daddy.”

“I know, baby. Daddy isn’t mad at you, okay? I’m just glad that you talked about it with us.”

“You okay? You haven’t said two words since this afternoon.” 

They were getting ready for bed later that night. Sam had kept a watchful eye on Sy throughout the afternoon, noting his laconic usage of words and melancholy demeanor. Sy sighed and sat on the edge of the side of the bed. 

“I’m really worried about Sammy. What if he hurts himself? What if it really does become all too much for him?”

Sam sat down next to him, slinging his arm gently around Sy’s shoulders. “I don’t think that it’ll come to that, Sy. I really don’t.”

“Why not? We’ve both…” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Those were drastically different circumstances, babe. You can’t–”

Sy interrupted him, his voice full of upset. “Can’t what? Compare? It’s not a matter of circumstances, Sammy…it’s the fact that, for whatever reason, it all became too much for us to handle.” Leaning forward on his knees, Sy covered his face with his hands, drawing in deep, uneven breaths. 

“Baby, hey…” Sam lightly tugged on Sy, pulling him toward his embrace and he came willingly, clinging to his only lifeboat.

“I don’t want him to think that that’s his only option,” Sy said as he sat back again, looking Sam in the eye.

“It won’t come to that.” He said it matter of factly, with no doubts or hesitations in his tone or expression.

“How do you know?”

Sam reached up, gently thumbing away desperate tears from Sy’s cheeks. “Because Sammy has us. And Shelly. We are there for him. We pay attention. And he’s young enough to still want comfort–to trust the people in his life to talk to them. It’s a lot to adjust to. For all of us. But things will calm down.” Sam reached once more, swiping away more tears and a lock of hair blocking his eyes before he said so softly and with so much conviction that Sy cried harder. “Sammy will be alright.”

“I’m scared.”

With a gentle kiss, Sam whispered against his full lips, “I know. But trust me, my love. Sammy isn’t either of us. He’ll be alright. It won’t come to that. We’ll make sure it doesn’t come to that. Alright?”

With a tight nod, he leaned into his fiancee and took the peace that surrounded him with San’s arms. “Okay. I love you, Sammy. Thank you for keeping me together.”

Sy felt gentle lips press against the back of his head as arms tightened around him that much more. The sound of Sam’s heartbeat against his ear was soothing and he could feel himself begin to relax. “I love you. I’ll always keep you together. As best I can anyway.”

A smile slid across Sy’s face as he sniffled. “I’d say you do a pretty damned good job.”