Dexter and Casey leaned against the passenger side of the car waiting for their companions to return. They stood close together, each with their arms crossed over his chest. Dexter also had his feet crossed at the ankles. He was quiet as he took in the information that Casey had just given him about the day that David Negal made him pull the trigger of a weapon pointed at his best friend. The fact that the weapon was unloaded made no difference to Casey.

“Why haven’t you ever told me this?” Dexter’s voice was gentle and full of concern as he glanced over at his husband. 

“I couldn’t. That was the one thing that I’ve never told you or anyone else. That day was the reason I tried killing myself. I should have let them kill me that day.” At Dexter’s look of utter horror at the prospect of such a thing, Casey elaborated. “That, among other things, is what I was thinking that night.” Casey smiled through his tears, but the grin didn’t expand much across his face. Upon noticing tears in Dexter’s eyes, Casey stepped up closer to him, kissing his lips with the softest of touches. “I love you, Dexter. I love our daughter and I love our life together. I wouldn’t change anything. And if I knew that enduring everything that happened here would lead me to you and Lizzy, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” As tears slipped free of Dexter’s eyes, Casey gently wiped them away before kissing him once more. “Thank you for saving me, Dex. For loving me.”

Dexter smiled at him, deepening the kiss and pulling Casey closer against him as he did so. “Loving you comes as easily and naturally as drawing my next breath. But you saved yourself, Casey. I just–”

“You just taught me that I could love and be loved. You just taught me that I could trust someone again. You just showed me that it was okay to be me. That loving you wasn’t some…terrible thing. You just taught me that I was worth being loved. And that I deserved to be happy and loved.” Casey drew his fingertips down Dexter’s cheek before dropping his hand down to his chest, above his heart. “Don’t sell what you’ve done for me short. You are now and always have been my safe place. I don’t know where I’d be today without you. If I didn’t have you keeping me safe.”

Before Dexter could respond, they heard the tell tale sound of approaching footsteps and they turned to see their friends getting nearer. When Sy and Sam got within reaching distance of the other two, Casey pulled Sy into a long, tight hug before stepping back. 

“Dex?” Sy said after Casey opened the car door and slipped inside. Dexter frowned in question, his hand on the top of the door. “Do you mind if I sit in the back with him? Please?”

At first, Sy thought he would deny his request, but then Dexter nodded tightly and got into the front passenger seat. As Sam put the car into drive and they pulled away from Casey and Sy’s past, Sy took Casey’s hand into his own. The younger man leaned into his friend, resting his head against Sy’s shoulder. Kissing Casey’s forehead, he whispered, “I love you, Casey. Forgive yourself for that day. None of it was your fault. Promise me that you’ll forgive yourself.”

As Sy spoke, Casey brought his hand up to clutch at the shirt his friend wore. Sy brought his arms around him as he began to quietly sob against Sy’s chest. “I promise to work on it.” 

Sy nodded, accepting his answer as the best promise he could give. “Anytime you need me, Casey, call. I’m always here for you.”

The sun had fallen, casting the world into shadows and darkness. Sy had been quiet in the hours since returning to their hotel room and Sam gave him the space he needed to process the events of the day: while still keeping a close eye on the man he loved. 

“I’ll be okay, Sammy.”

“I know you will be, Sy. It’s right now that concerns me.”

They were laid out on the bed together, Sy’s head resting against Sam’s chest, Sam’s arms locked around Sy’s back. Sy took a shaky breath as his eyes watered and overflowed. “Today was a lot. It brought a lot back, but…and I know that being sent to that place and the things that happened there will always affect me…but I feel like I can begin to not allow it to not rule my life anymore. Like I can walk away from it now.” Adjusting so he can look into Sam’s eyes, he continued, “Like I can finally live and be happy. Which is all I’ve ever wanted. To be free. Of that place. Of David Negal. And…I mean…going back there today hurt…and fuck it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done…but walking out of there today, Sammy, made me feel…lighter.”

Sam smiled gently at his words, lacing their hands together. “I’m glad that going back helped you. And Sy?” Sy looked at him in question. “I’m so proud of you.” A lone tear fell at Sam’s words, but a smile appeared as Sam gently thumbed away the moisture, kissing him softly. 

“I love you, Sammy.”

Chapter Fifty-Six

Over the last two weeks since they returned home, Casey and Sy kept in daily contact. The friendship that they had been forging finally solidified into an unbreakable bond. He’d just finished sending out a text to his dear friend when Shelly entered the room from her bedroom. His computer screen was open and he was halfway paying attention to work between his text conversation. He’d found it difficult to fully concentrate this morning.

Sam was spending the day with his brother, something that they made a habit out of since Sam had moved out, to do once or twice a week, so Sy was trying to get some work done. He had to admit it wasn’t going as well as he’d hoped. When Shelly sat down at the kitchen table with him, he shut his computer screen, giving up for now. 

“Are you busy? Can I talk to you for a few?”

“Of course you can. Is everything okay?”

Shelly smiled at the worried frown on his face, but dispelled it quickly. Sy could tell she was nervous about something, but she looked happy. “Everything is great, actually. Last night Reagan asked me to move in with her. And…I said yes!” 

As a smile broke out across Sy’s face, they both abruptly turned to the tiny voice that yelled, “No!”. Neither of them had noticed Sammy come out of his room, caught up as they were in the moment. Sammy, with the aid of physical therapy, had been able to discard the use of walking assistance most of the time, though he did still use either the chair or the crutches depending on his level of over-tiredness. He stood staring between the two of them, his chin quivering as tears began to travel down his cheeks. Shelly stood then, picking up the crying boy and bringing him close to her. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, his tears making strands of Shelly’s hair wet.

“You can’t leave me, Aunt Shelly. Don’t leave me. You’re the only mommy I have! You can’t leave me!”

Shelly’s heart broke at his words. She hadn’t wanted him to find out this way. At his sobbing and pleading, her eyes watered of their own accord. “Sammy, baby boy, I’ll never leave you. I’ll always be here for you.”

He shook his head in denial of her words. “Not always if you’re leaving! Please don’t go. Why do you have to go?”

“Because Reagan and I love each other and we want to live together.”

“But we love each other, too…I don’t want you to leave me.” Sammy wiped his face before continuing, “Are you leaving because Daddy and Sammy are getting married? What if they didn’t? Could we all still live together then?”

Shelly smiled sadly and shook her head. “It doesn’t work that way, sweetie. It’s just something that has to happen.” 

Without another word, He let his legs go from around her waist and she set him on his feet. They both watched the forlorn boy walk back toward his bedroom, his head down, his shoulder quietly shaking as he cried. They winced as he slammed the door before Shelly retook her seat at the table with Sy. “That’s not how I wanted him to find that out. And that’s not how I’d hoped it would go once he did.” She wiped her face with a sigh before looking at her friend.

“He’ll be okay. There’s been a lot of changes for him lately that he doesn’t quite know how to handle. I’ll go check on him in a few minutes.” Sy smiled again and took her hand. “I’m so happy for you, though. I knew you two were serious, but I didn’t know it was that serious yet.”

Shelly’s smile engulfed her face, despite the remaining tears. “She makes me so happy, Sy. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I hope you don’t hold it against me for moving.”

Frowning, Sy said, “Of course not. Why would I?”

She shrugged. “I don’t want to leave you in a jam with Sammy. And we’ve been this little family unit for so long…you know…?”

“I couldn’t be happier for you, Shelly. I didn’t expect you to live with us forever. You need to live your own life.”

“I want you to know that I will always be here for you and Sammy. My moving out won’t change that. The two of you are my family and I’m going to miss you both so much.” Her voice broke as she tried to hold back more tears and failed. She knew that it would be hard moving, leaving this part of her life behind in the start of a new one, but she didn’t know it would rip her asunder quite so much…and she hadn’t even moved yet. 

“Don’t cry, Shelly. You’re going to make me cry.” He stood and pulled her up with her, drawing her into a tight, if tearful embrace.

Over the course of the day, Logan kept a watchful eye on his twin. Throughout the day and the last few times he’d come over to visit, he’d been patient to wait to see if Sam would talk to him about the trip. He’d asked on the first day he’d come to visit since coming back, but Sam had been vague and evasive. He could see that there was something he wanted to say, but he kept his words locked away.

Finally though, Logan decided that he’d been patient enough. “Alright. Enough stalling. Tell me about the trip.”

Sam sighed and leaned forward. He exhaled slowly. Sam knew that Logan would only wait so long before he got the information out of him. It had become their way. Logan’s only sure-fire method to get him to talk. He rested his elbows on his knees, linking his fingers together. 

“It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done…and to be able to keep calm through it…” He exhaled a shaky breath before turning his piercing blue eyes to ones that matched them. “This stays between us.”

Logan nodded once. “I give you my word.”

“I mean it, Logan. Not a word. To Carrie or anyone.”

“Sammy, I swear. I won’t say a word to anyone. It stays between us.”

Sam nodded and looked away again before he started speaking. He found that it was easier if he didn’t have to look at his brother’s face as he said this. “The man that ran the camp…tortured them. He was in charge of Sy’s cabin. There were four of them. Two females. Sy. And Casey.” Logan’s eyes widened, but he didn’t speak. He’d met Casey and Dexter on a number of occasions and would have never had guessed that his past lie so entangled with Sy’s. “He did a number on all of them, but…he sexually abused Sy.”

“Fucking Christ,” Logan whispered on a loud exhale.

“It was the one thing that he kept from me about that place. He told me it happened not long before we left. But when we were there…he told me the details as we went from cabin to cabin.” Angry tears slipped free from Sam’s eyes, but neither seemed to notice them. “I’ve never wanted to kill anyone so much in my life.”

“I can only imagine. How is he doing?”

The corner of Sam’s mouth upturned the minutest bit. “Since coming home, he’s actually been pretty great. He told me that he feels lighter having gone and then walked away of his own free will.”

“That’s great.” Logan looked at his brother studiously. The tightness of his shoulders, the stiffness of his spine. “How are you doing?”

Sam laughed. It was a bitter, pain filled sound. “I think I’m having a hard time processing all of it, honestly.”

“I’m sure you are. That’s a lot to take in.”

“It certainly explains some things. But it doesn’t make it any easier.”

“What do you mean?” 

“When we first met back up, he was so jumpy, man. He was scared to be touched. To touch. And I don’t mean sexually, either…just…touching. He’s come leaps and bounds since then, but what happened to him at that place is fucking with me.”

Logan took a moment to contemplate his next words. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing the wrong way and make Sam shut down. “It being a horrible thing to happen notwithstanding, what is bothering you?”

“Being there…hearing exactly what was done to him and standing in the very spots that it happened. It made me so fucking angry, Logan. And it left me feeling absolutely fucking helpless. Which just pisses me off even more.” He paused for a moment. “You remember when I would wake up screaming and I swore to you that I could hear him screaming for me to help him? When I would scream because I said I felt his pain?” Logan nodded. “He did scream for me…”

“Why does it piss you off even more?”

“Because!” Sam shot to his feet, unable to sit still any longer as he told this tale. “Because, what fucking right do I have to feel like this after what he went through?”

Logan frowned slightly, but didn’t move to stand. “Sammy, his experience there doesn’t make your emotions less valid. You love him. It’s natural you’d feel that way. You were always his protector.” It was the look that flooded Sam’s face that made the lightbulb click. “That’s it, isn’t it? You feel like you failed to protect him somehow.”

Sam wrapped his arms around himself as he came back around the coffee table to sit back down, all his fight suddenly drained and gone. “I always promised him that I would, you know? And God, I feel stupid because…I mean…how could I possibly protect him from that? But also…maybe I could have helped to protect him back then, you know? Tried to convince him to stay or tell me what was going on that night…but I didn’t do anything of the sort. I watched him walk away.”

“Are you mad at him?”

Sam frowned, turning his eyes back to his brother. “No. Why would I be?”

Shrugging he said, “Because he didn’t tell you what was happening back then?”

Sam shook his head slowly. “No. Because I let him walk away back then. I let him go and I didn’t go after him. I didn’t protect him.”

Logan set his arm around Sam’s back and squeezed his shoulder. “Sammy, you have to know that wasn’t your fault. What happened to him wasn’t your fault.”

“Logically, yes, I know. But logic plays no part in any of this. Do you think I’m crazy?”

Logan shook his head, giving him a small smile. “No. I don’t think you’re crazy at all. Logic often doesn’t play a part in things like this. Will you be alright?”

Sam nodded and sniffled before wiping his face and taking a deep, calming breath. “Yeah. I’ve just got to work through it. But yeah, I’ll be okay. Thanks.” Looking at the clock on his phone screen, Sam stood. “I should probably get going, though. I’d like to miss the better part of the traffic, at least.”

When Logan stood, he pulled his brother into a long hug, and Sam returned it with vigor. “Call me if you need anything. Okay?”

“I will. And I’ll let you know when I get home. Thanks, Logan. For always being there and kicking me in the ass when I need it.”

“Anytime, Sammy. What are twins for, if not for that? I love you, man. Drive safely.”

They said their goodbyes and Logan watched as Sam backed out of the driveway and drove on down the road before shutting his front door with a soft click.