That Monday morning, Sy smiled brightly as his mother opened her front door to let him and Sam inside. “Hi, boys,” she greeted, pulling each of them into a strong hug. “I just put on a pot of coffee. Would either of you like a cup?”

“Yes,” Sy said matter of factly, heading for the cupboard with his arms outstretched. “Need coffee.”

Beverly laughed. Looking at Sam, she said, “Rough morning?”

Sam laughed then as well and shook his head. “Insufficient coffee this morning. He’s typically zombified until he has at least three cups.”

Sy looked at him as if he’d tattled some huge secret as his mother gave him the look. “Sy, you know that that’s not good for you.”

Glaring at Sam still, Sy replied, “I know, Mom. But falling asleep while driving isn’t good for me either.” He winked at her and she smiled an impatiently patient smile at her son.

“So, what’s your big news?” Beverly asked once they were all seated with coffee in hand. Sy could see clearly that she was excited to hear whatever it was and he had to admit he was just as excited to tell her.

Holding up his left hand, he said, “We’re getting married!”

Beverly’s hands flew to her mouth, the crinkling of her eyes expressing her utter happiness for them both. “Oh my God, that’s so amazing!” She stood and pulled Sy up to his feet and into a tight hug. “I’m so happy for you both!” She cupped Sy’s cheeks when she pulled back, her smile beaming. Sy couldn’t help but to share in her enthusiasm. Turning to Sam, she said, “Come here, you, and give me a hug.” She hugged Sam with equal fervor as she’d hugged Sy. “I’m so happy for you both,” she said when they were all seated back at the table. “When is the big day? Did you ask him, Sam? Tell me all about it!”

“We’re not really sure yet,” Sy responded in answer to her first question. “We haven’t worked out many details yet. But we’re thinking sometime in the spring or summer next year.” He told her about those few days at Wanderlust Spa and how Sam had ultimately proposed his hand in marriage.

Beverly was beaming brightly. “I’m so happy for you both. You’ve both grown into such wonderful young men.” 

Over the next hour they spoke of marriage plans, what little bit Sy and Sam had discussed, however neither had made any firm decisions yet. When it was time to leave and they had said their goodbyes, Sy looked at Sam and told him that he’d be there in a moment. With one last hug to Beverly, Sam went out to the car to give the two of them the privacy that Sy had requested. 

Sy hesitated for a brief moment, not wanting his emotions to get the better of him before he even began to speak. “I wanted to tell you something,” he said, looking at her only briefly. “I wanted to say that…that I’m glad you’re in my life. I’m glad that…that you…” His throat developed a knot then, cutting off his words, but he forced them out around it. “That you still wanted me in your life. I wanted to say that…that I don’t blame you for leaving that day at the hospital. Not anymore. I understand the position that you were put in. As a parent, I can’t imagine…but if you couldn’t protect me…I can’t fault you for protecting Jenny. And I’m glad that Sam talked me into calling you...because now I know. Now I understand. Which is all I ever really wanted. I just wanted to understand why.” He wiped his face before bringing his glistening eyes up to meet hers. “I love you, Mom.” His voice broke as tears fell down her cheeks and she pulled him in tightly to her.

“I love you, too, Sy. I love you so much, baby. I’ve always loved you. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you allowed me back into your life. That you allowed me to have a relationship with you and my grandson. I love you, Sy. I’m so sorry for what happened back then.”

He nodded into her shoulder. “I know. I am too. But I don’t want that to stand between us, okay? It happened and I’m learning to let it all go. It wasn’t either of our faults. But I wanted to tell you that. And that I love you.”  

Sam sat waiting in the car, knowing what Sy was talking to his mother about, but worried just the same. He found that he worried for him a lot. But then smiled knowing that you worry for those you love. When he finally emerged, he had his hands in his hoodie pockets, hood up, and head down against the wind. They exchanged a small smile when he was seated in the passenger seat next to him. “You alright?” Sam asked, reaching for Sy’s hand.

Sy squeezed his fingers and nodded, smiling despite the tears still upon his cheeks. Sam reached over with his left hand, shifting to have enough leverage, and wiped the wetness away. Sy nodded. “Yeah. I’m wonderful, actually. I have everything I’ve ever wanted, Sammy. And no matter how much pain may still be in my soul…I’m so happy.” He smiled even as more tears formed and fell.

Sam leaned into Sy, kissing him so softly against his lips, it was almost a ghost of a touch. “I love you.”

“I love you, Sammy. So fucking much.”

When dinner time hit and the four of them were seated around the table, Sy got his son’s attention. “Sammy, what would you say if I told you that Sammy and I are gonna get married?”

Sammy’s fork stopped halfway to his mouth, the piece of chicken breast now forgotten as he lowered his food back to the plate. “You’re getting married?” he asked, his eyes going round as a huge smile spread across his face. Looking at Sam, he said, “You’re gonna really be my daddy for real now?”

“I’m already your daddy for real, kiddo, but yes. What do you think?”

“I think that’s awesome, Daddies! Aunt Shelly, did you know?”

She smiled at him. “I did. Isn’t that wonderful?”

“It really is! And since you’re like my mommy, Aunt Shelly, I’ll have three parents now!” Shelly looked away at that, her eyes welling up slightly at his words. She had always considered her nephew as her son, having helped raise him from the moment he was born, but neither had ever said as much to the other. And the fact that he said this so effortlessly and with so much joy on his face and in his voice, the admission touched her to her core. For the rest of dinner, Sammy happily chatted about how great it was going to be to have Sam officially become his daddy.

That night, once Sammy was sleeping and Shelly had gone over to Reagan’s house for the night, Sy knew that it was time to tell Sam about needing to go back to Arizona, back to that place that had haunted him for so long. And to tell him everything that David Negal had done to him.

“Sammy?”

The tone in his voice caught Sam’s attention immediately. He looked over and seeing the look on his fiance’s face, shut off the T.V. and faced him. “What’s wrong?” he asked, instantly concerned.

Shaking his head, he said, “I need to talk to you about something. It’s something that I’ve been thinking a lot about lately and I know that it’s something that I have to do. And I need your support in this.”

Frowning in confusion, Sam said, “You know I’ll always support you in whatever you decide to do. But…what’s going on?”

Unable to tell this tale sitting down, Sy stood. He said nothing until he reached the wall that was across the room from Sam’s side of the bed. He leaned his back against it and crossed his arms, gripping his biceps tightly. “I need to tell you about David Negal. I need to tell you everything he did to me.”

Sam sat up the rest of the way, having been stretched out against the headboard. He brought his feet to the carpeted floor, bracing his elbows on his knees and gave all of his attention to the man several feet away from him. He wanted nothing more than to go to Sy as his face pinched in the pain of remembrance, but he didn’t move, his eyes intensely intent on Sy.

“It started not long after I got there. A few weeks, maybe. After a session of ‘therapy’...whatever that happened to be…” he paused. “He always took us in pairs. Sometimes he took all four of us, but mostly in pairs…but…there were times when he sent Casey or all three were sent back to the cabin, he would make me stay behind. He enjoyed getting me aroused and then hitting me with that cattle prod, or sometimes a leather strap. He enjoyed making me scream. And then…the f-first time it happened…after he hit me with the leather strap…h-he grabbed me and…” Sy took a slow breath, letting it out on a shaky breath. “He got me off. It escalated from there.”

Sam sat quietly and listened to Sy tell him about each time the son of a bitch abused him. Each time it went further than the last and with each tale, Sam’s stomach became more queasy. Sy painted him a perfect picture of the torture he’d gone through at the hand’s of that evil entity. As Sy moved into the first time Negal penetrated him, Sam couldn’t help the tears that began to fall in unison with Sy’s.

“He told me that he did it…so that I’d never be able to stand being with another man once I got out…He’d always tell me…while he was doing it…when he was done…that if I lived ‘in sin’ once I was away from the camp, that I would lose everything I loved. And I always tried so hard not to give into temptation…keeping myself in the mud because I was so scared of just that. That I’d lose everything I loved. And then with Sammy’s accident…it all came rushing back to me. Everything he did to me. Everything he told me. ‘I know how much you enjoy this,’ he’d say.” Sy looked at Sam then, his face red from tears and a pleading look in his eyes. “I didn’t enjoy it, Sammy. Not from him. I didn’t enjoy it.” He shook his head and closed his eyes as a sob escaped him. 

Sam wanted so badly to go to him, but knew better than to do so. Sy needed the space to tell him what he needed to tell him and knew that now wasn’t the time for contact. Sam nodded at his words, his gaze full of empathy and understanding, but said nothing, knowing that Sy had more to say. 

“It got to a point, especially after Casey was gone…it was happening every day. He kept me for hours at a time.”

Sam’s heart continued to break with the more Sy had to tell him. He’d known people in the past that had at some point, by someone, been sexually abused, but this…this went beyond anything he’d ever heard before. This went far beyond it. Through it all, Sam never took his eyes away from Sy, who did his best to look anywhere but at him. But he couldn’t hold that against him and didn’t. The multiple types of torture he had endured at the hands of David Negal and countless strangers who thought they could convert anyone to be straight to the tortures of his body and soul in a completely different way once he and Negal were alone.

“He liked making me scream,” Sy said again in a hoarse whisper. “The louder I screamed in pain the more…”

Sam didn’t know how much more of this he could take before he broke completely, but he knew he had to listen. He knew that Sy needed to tell him no matter how much he might not have wanted to hear it all. The anger that was growing within him at the injustice of what he was being told grew, boundless and without mercy and he found himself wanting to hunt this bastard down and kill him slowly with his bare hands. His anger was expressed only as increased tears poured down his face.

When the tale finally drew to a close, Sy finally looked at Sam and the look on his face made Sy love him that much more. With a deep breath, he said, “There’s a reason I wanted to tell you all that. Other than that I needed you to know.”

“What’s that?”

“I…” He closed his eyes and fortified himself to say this next part. “I need to go back there.”

Sam blinked, confused. “You what? You need to go back there? To the camp?”

“Yes. I need to do this. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time now…and I need to do this.”

“Are you sure this is something you want to do? I mean, you know I’ll support you the whole way through it. Don’t you dare think you’re going by yourself and without me, because that isn’t happening.”

Sy smiled at the intense and serious tone in Sam’s voice and shook his head. “No. No, I need you to be there with me. I can’t do this alone. But, no, I don’t want to do this, Sammy. I never want to go back there again. But I feel like I need to do this. That I have to do this. I have to face it, Sammy. I have to face what I’ve been running from for thirteen years.” Pausing he looked at Sam, his eyes glittering still with tears. “I want to marry you without being haunted by this. I don’t want my fears and my past, my demons to control me anymore. If something happens, I don’t want a repeat of what happened at the hospital. I don’t want that to be the first thought that crosses my mind. I need to leave it behind me. Or at least begin to…as much as I can anyway…and in order to do that, I have to face it. Face him. Even if I can’t face him face to face…he’ll be there nonetheless.” When he was finished speaking, Sy came and sat down next to Sam, shoulder to shoulder.

Sam leaned over and gently kissed him. As their lips met and his scent intoxicated his scenes, he took the time to note how proud he was of the other man for wanting to do this. No matter how much it terrified him. When he pulled back, Sam gave Sy a gentle smile. “If this is what you need to do, I’m with you the whole way. You don’t have to face it or him alone ever again, Sy.” Sam reached up then and cupped Sy’s face, wiping away a tear Sy didn’t know had fallen with the pad of his thumb. “I love you. And I’m so fucking proud of you.”

A small sob escaped Sy at Sam’s words and Sam pulled him into his chest. Sy’s arms wound around him, holding him close as everything he’d just told Sam finally hit him completely and took its toll on his mind and spirit. But within the tears and expulsion of the pains of the past, Sy could feel a new beginning just on the horizon.