As promised, Morgan called when she got back into town and Sam had to admit that he was happy to hear from her. He was sitting at Buffalo Wild Wings waiting for her to arrive for their lunch date. He had gotten there not quite twenty-five minutes early to settle his nerves. He sipped on his Coke as his mind traveled backward to the last time he’d seen her.

He was alone in the hospital room for the moment, though he knew that Logan wasn’t far. He had all but been glued to his side the last couple of days. When he heard movement at the open hospital door, he turned his head expecting to see his brother, but the face looking at him was far from the one he looked at in the mirror each day.

“Morgan. Hi.” He didn’t know what to say to her. He watched as she came all the way into the room and up to his bed. She slipped her hand into his, but didn’t look at him and didn’t speak. He could see her face turn red as she tried to hold back her tears. As she failed in her endeavor and her cheeks became wet with falling rain, he tightened his grip on her hand. “Morgan, don’t cry. Please.” His voice broke as he spoke, his own emotions beginning to surface. 

“This is my fault,” she whispered as she finally dragged her eyes to meet his.

“No. No it isn’t. This is my fault.”

“I gave you the hits, Sam. I should have known not to give it to you. You were so upset…I’m sorry, Sam.”

“Morgan, look at me.” He waited patiently until she looked at him once again. “You didn’t do this to me. I did this to myself. Please, Morgan, please don’t blame yourself. Come here,” he added, tugging on her hand. She nearly collapsed into his arms, her small shoulders shaking with her cries. He tightened his arms around her as he, too, felt tears falling.

“I love you, Sam,” she whispered. “I’m so glad that you’re okay.”

“I’m okay, Morgan. I’ll be okay. I promise you, this isn’t something I’m ever going to do again. I’m off the shit. For good.”

Morgan nodded, tears still falling from rapidly blinking eyes. “Good. I’ve got to go, Sam. I love you.” 

“I love you, too.”

With one last watery smile, she leaned down, kissed his forehead, and left the room.

It had been the last time he’d seen her until they saw each other in the mall two weeks ago. His mind was snapped back from the past and into the now as the object of his thoughts appeared before him as she slid into the booth across from him. She was all smiles, but he could see the anxiety reflected in her eyes. He could see it there and knew that his expression held that same anxiety.

“Hey!” she exclaimed, her smile broadening as she got comfortable in her seat.

His grin matched hers as their eyes caught. “Hey, gorgeous. And I mean that. You look fantastic.”

She blushed brightly, obviously pleased with the compliment. “Thank you. And I know you mean that and it’s not just a line to get into my pants.”

He laughed, heartily. “I’ve always found you beautiful, Morgan. But you’re right. You’re definitely not my type.”

Morgan laughed. “No worries. I’ve always thought you were pretty, Sam, but I’ve never been one to play with bats and balls.”

As their laughter died down, a young woman with jet black hair came up to take their order. As she walked away, Sam brought his attention back to a dear friend that, until that moment, he didn’t realize that he missed so much. “I’ve really missed you,” he said, echoing his thoughts. “What have you been up to these last years?”

Morgan’s smile faded, but didn’t altogether disappear. “Well…I kinda went off the deep end after I left your hospital room that day. I couldn’t get over that it was because of me that you almost died. I couldn’t handle that I almost killed one of my best friends. Even by proxy. And I know what you’re going to say…but the truth of the matter is, you didn’t go to someone else. You didn’t get it from any number of people…you got it from me. I handed it to you,” she countered before he could even get his argument out. “Anyway, I threw out all the drugs, my kit, everything. I checked myself into rehab and I got clean. That’s where I met Alex. Once we got out of there, we found a place together and we’ve been doing really well together.”

Sam smiled brightly. “I’m happy to hear that you’ve been doing well. I hoped that you were doing well. I thought about you from time to time over the years…and I always hoped that you were alright.”

“I wasn’t for a long time. But these days…” She smiled as she let the sentence go unfinished. “When did you meet back up with Sy? That must have been a hell of a reunion.”

“About a year ago, actually.” About half-way through telling her of his first run-in with Sy after all the years that had passed between them, his phone began to ring. Checking the screen, he smiled and said, “Speak of the devil. Hey, babe. What’s up?”

“Sammy?” Sam heard the tears in his voice and the fear that was riding the sound wave of his speech.

“Sy? What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“Sammy…it’s Sammy…he…” Sy’s words were cut off by an anguished howl before another voice came onto the line.

“Sam?”

“Shelly? What the hell is going on?” Sam’s eyes went to Morgan’s, wide and terrified as Shelly’s voice came across the line.

“Sammy’s bus was in a major accident on the freeway while on the way back to the school. He’s at Mercy General. The hospital called us a few minutes ago. That’s all we know. We’re leaving now. Meet us there?”

Sam’s heart stopped and his breath caught in his throat. “I’m on my way right now. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” Hanging up the phone, he looked at Morgan. “We’ll have to reschedule this, Morgan. I’m sorry. Sammy’s bus was in an accident and he’s in the hospital. I need to go.”

They stood together and he looked at his food that was half eaten. “Go,” Morgan said. “I’ve got lunch. Go.”

He nodded. “Thank you.” 

It has been hours now. Hours that they sat and waited without any word in the uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room. When they got there they were told that Sammy was in the operating room, but they had heard no further word on if he was going to be okay or any update on his condition. Sam watched as Sy paced back and forth, his ire and his fear rising to soon insurmountable pressure. 

Standing, Sam stopped Sy with gentle hands on his shoulders. He hadn’t said a word since Sam found him and Shelly in the waiting room. Sy had clung to him, trying his best to keep himself together. He had sat as long as he could before he could sit no longer and had been pacing ever since. Sy leaned his forehead against Sam’s shoulder as Sam made eye contact with the nurse behind the intake counter. Sadly, she shook her head at him, answering his unspoken question. Still no word. The accident was all over the news, playing on the television that was mounted in the corner. The reporter mentioned in her coverage of the story that three of the children as well as the bus driver did not survive the ordeal.

“Sammy’s a fighter, Sy. He’s going to be okay,” Sam told him quietly, trying to convince them both of his words.

“How do you know?” Sy asked him in a way so broken that Sam choked on his words. 

“I just know,” he said, his voice strained.

Sy shook his head. Looking at Sam, he stepped back and away from him, his eyes brimming with tears that soon joined the others on his cheeks. Sam didn’t know what to make of the look that suddenly crossed his beautiful, yet broken features. “This is your fault.”

Sam felt like he’d just been punched in the chest. “What did you say?”

“I shouldn’t have let you back in my life. In Sammy’s life.”

At his words, Sam’s eyes finally filled. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I knew this would happen. It’s just what they told me would happen. They told me that I would pay with everything that I held dear. And because you found us…and and and wormed your way into my life again…he’s going to die. I’m going to pay for my love for you by losing my son. You should have just stayed away from us.” By the time he finished speaking, Sam couldn’t hear him beyond the ringing in his ears and the shattering of his soul.

“Sy…” Sam tried, only to be cut off by the soft shaking of Sy’s head.

“I can’t lose my son because of my love for you. Don’t you get it, Sammy?”

As Sam shook his head, his vision blurring. Shelly stood and crossed over to him. Grasping his hand, she said, “Sy, you don’t mean that. How can you possibly say this is Sam’s fault? It’s not anymore Sam’s fault for being in your lives than it is Sammy’s fault for being on that bus.”

The whole time she spoke, Sy’s gaze never left Sam’s. “You need to leave, Sammy.” 

“What? Sy-”

“Leave, Sammy. Please, leave.” When Sam didn’t move, standing as still as stone as his words stabbed him in his core, Sy said again, his voice as hard as granite, “Leave. Now. You don’t belong here.” As Sy turned his back on him, Sam stepped forward, lightly grasping his wrist. Sy rounded on him then, his eyes full of fire. “Get away from me. Stay away from us.” When Sy jerked his arm free, and walked away, Sam watched him go, unable to comprehend what the hell just happened.

 Sam’s eyes landed on Shelly, who was looking between the two of them with a different pain in her eyes. Unable to stand that look of pity, he turned and ran from the building. He couldn’t stand to wait on the elevator, deciding to take the stairs instead. He turned left upon reaching the outside, not stopping to look at the luscious rose garden that lined the front and side of the building. He collapsed onto a stone bench as his silent wails cascaded from his open mouth like the tears from his eyes.

He startled a moment later when he felt a gentle hand on his back. He looked up and to his right, unable to form the smile he tried to go for as Shelly sat down beside him. Sam couldn’t speak as he looked away, his gaze falling back down to his folded hands. “Sam, you have to know that he didn’t mean what he said,” Shelly told him gently.

At her words, he felt his chest constrict as he eyes filled once more with a heavy rain. He shook his head. “He meant every word of it, Shelly,” Sam countered in a broken articulation. “It’s something that he’s always feared…losing Sammy because he loves me…” He shook his head sadly. “No, he meant it.”

Shelly shook her head. “He’s scared. And he’s hurting. But that doesn’t mean that he meant it. Come back inside, Sam.”

He shook his head again. “No. I can’t go back in there.” He stood. “I need to go. Will you…” He bit his lip as he paused, “Will you keep me up to date on Sammy?” As he looked at her, he wound his arms around himself as more tears fell down his cheeks.

“You know I will,” she said, standing up. “Sam, you have to know that Sy loves you.”

Nodding, he said, “I know he loves me. What I don’t know is if it’s enough anymore. I have to go, Shelly.”

When Dexter opened the door, he was surprised at who was standing on the other side. “Hey, Sam. Is everything alright?”

Sam shook his head. “Is Casey here?”

“Yeah, man. Come on in.” Sam followed behind Dexter, his head down. “You can sit down, if you want,” he said as they reached the living room. “I’ll be right back.”

Sam nodded, but didn’t move from where he stood in front of the coffee table. In the distance, he heard a child’s movie playing behind a closed door and a little girl’s laughter accompanying it. The sound squeezed Sam’s soul like a vice. He jumped when he heard Casey call his name and knew that he must look as bad as he feels by the look on the other man’s face.

“Sam, what’s going on? What’s wrong?” Casey didn’t waste time with pleasantries. He knew well that if Sam was showing up, unannounced, with fresh tears on his face that something was horribly wrong.

“Sammy…they were on their way back from the field trip and there was an accident.” Sam had to pause, his throat closing. 

“Oh, God. Is he…”

“He’s still in surgery. Or he was when I left the hospital.” 

Casey grabbed a hold of both of Sam’s biceps as he pitched slightly forward. “Whoa, man. Easy. Come on, let’s sit down.” When they were seated, he said, “What happened? Why did you leave the hospital?”

“Sy told me to. He told me to leave after blaming me for what happened. He said that he shouldn’t have let me back into his life. Into Sammy’s life. That he was being punished for loving me like they told him he would at that place.” Sam shook his head. “I couldn’t stay after that.”

“Jesus,” Casey said as he ran his hands through his hair. 

“That place haunts every part of him. Every aspect of his life is somehow both connected to in some way and darkened by his experiences there.”

“Does he talk to you about what happened there?” Casey asked gently.

Sam shook his head. “Not really, no. He’s told me some things. But…he’s mostly tight lipped about it all.” Sam made eye contact with him then, his glistening eyes begging as deeply as his next request. “Will you go down there with him? I mean…Shelly’s there, but…please, will you be there for him?”

Casey nodded. “Of course I will. But Sam, it really should be you.”

“I can’t go back there right now,” he whispered. “The look on his face when he told me that it was my fault…I can’t face him right now. It’s the second floor. T-take a left off the elevator and you’ll find the waiting room.”

“He didn’t mean it, Sam,” Casey said, echoing Shelly’s words. 

“Right,” he said, unable to argue.

“Where are you going to go after you leave here?”

“My brother’s house. Thank you,” he said in regard to him agreeing to go to Sy.

“It’s no problem, Sam. I’ll go as soon as I talk to Dex.”

Sam nodded and stood. With another whispered thanks, he turned and left the house.