Thursday after Sam and Sy picked up Sammy from school, the three of them went to the mall to shop for Jenny’s birthday present. Even though Jenny had told him they didn’t need to buy any gifts, Sammy really wanted to get her something, and if Sy was honest, he wanted to get her something, too. 

Sy picked out a small, intricately hand carved jewelry box they had found in a store window. Afterward, they headed to the bookstore to find a book that Beverly had mentioned the girl wanted that would be from Sammy. As they headed to the bookstore, their conversation was paused at the calling of Sam’s name.

Sam turned, his grip tightening on Sy’s hand momentarily before the woman reached them. “Morgan?” Sam said with a smile slowly spreading across his face. “Holy shit, man. Look at you! You look amazing!”

She was a tall girl, standing at five foot eight and had put on a healthy amount of weight since the last time he’d seen her. Gone were the dreads and the club-scene clothes. Her once dyed black hair had gone back to its original chestnut brown and her once pallor skin held a healthy tan to it.

Morgan smiled brightly at the complement, blushing as she looked away. “Thank you, Sam. I must say, you look pretty fantastic yourself. Much better than the, uh, last time I saw you.” For a moment the shine in her eyes dimmed, but the moment was gone just as quickly as it came. “And who is this handsome little guy?”

Sammy grinned widely at her. “I’m Sammy. How do you know my daddy?”

Sam grinned at her proudly while Sy tried not to laugh at the look on her face as he stood quietly beside Sammy. “I knew him another lifetime ago, it seems. We were once good friends.” Her eyes moved over to Sy then. 

“Morgan, this is Sy,” Sam said with an undercurrent to his voice that Sy didn’t quite understand. 

Morgan’s expression became one of shock, complete with wide eyes and a slack jaw. “The Sy? The long, lost love of your life Sy?” The smile that then spread across her face made Sy almost blush. “Holy shit! Eeeeeeee!” she squealed as she pulled Sam into a tight hug. “I can’t believe you found him!” she exclaimed once she pulled back from him again. “We have so much to catch up on. Are you free soon?” And then as if remembering her manners, looked at Sy with an almost shy, apologetic smile. “That is, if you don’t mind my stealing him for the day? I promise to keep him out of trouble.”

Sy laughed. “I promise you that I appreciate that,” he said to her with a smile of his own.

“Alex and I–Oh, I need to introduce you to Alex…she’s amazing. She saved my life after the last time I saw you…anyway, she and I are going out of town for a couple weeks. Can I call you when we get back maybe?”

Sam smiled, genuinely happy that she had found someone that loved her. She was a great person that deserved more than what she had been dealt when they last knew each other. “Yeah, that would be great. And I would love to meet her!” They quickly exchanged phone numbers and hugged once more. “It was great to see you again.”

Morgan smiled as she tucked a lock of long hair behind her ear. “It was amazing to see you again. I always hoped that I’d get the chance one day. I’ve missed you.”

Sam smiled lightly. “I’ve really missed you, too. And I’m really happy that you seem to be doing well.”

“You, too, Sam. I should get going. I’ll call you when we get back into town and we can maybe have lunch or something.” 

“Yeah, that sounds great,” Sam replied.

“It was really nice to finally meet you, Sy. I heard so much about you back then. And Sammy,” she said, bending slightly at the waist, “it was very nice to meet you as well. You take good care of your daddies, alright?”

Sammy smiled brightly, his chest puffing out proudly. “I will. Bye,” he added as she turned as walked away from them. “Who was that, Daddy?” Sammy questioned looking at Sam. Sam did not miss the fact that he’d called him Daddy now twice in as many minutes, but his mind was too muddled now by the surprise encounter with Morgan for his mind to fully focus on that right then.

“An old friend,” he answered, glancing behind him. “Someone I haven’t seen in a long, long time.”

While Sam still joined in on the conversations when the time seemed appropriate to do so, Sy noticed the far away look that now resided within his expression. It was an expression that stayed with him the rest of the way through their shopping excursion, the ride home, and throughout dinner. His smiles weren’t quite as bright as they normally were, his voice a lower octave than what would be his norm for dinner conversation. Even Shelly seemed to notice his odd behavior, sending him a curious and somewhat worried look from time to time.

Shelly, taking silent cues from Sy, gathered up Sammy after dinner was eaten to get his bath ready for his nightly bed-time routine. Sy gave Sam a moment to himself as he gathered the dishes and put them away along with the leftovers. When he was finished with the dishes, Sy made his way back to where Sam still sat. Kneeling down with his hand lightly drawing across Sam’s back, Sy said, “Sammy.” When those clouded blue eyes turned his way, Sy smiled gently. “Come on. Let’s go to bed.”

Sammy silently stood, following Sy as he led him by the hand to their room. After softly shutting the bedroom door, Sy approached Sam with gentle hands and worried eyes. Without saying a word, Sy removed Sam’s shirt and tossed it aside before he moved on to unbutton Sam’s jeans and push them down. Sam responded only to step out of the jeans, but when Sy met his eyes once more, their gazes locked.

Sy gently placed a light kiss to Sam’s lips before they both moved over to the bed. Sam pulled the covers down and sat, pulling his right leg under him, his left foot still on the floor. He stared almost sightlessly at the bed sheets, deep in whatever memory played behind his eyes. Sy said nothing as he sat beside him on the bed, close enough that they were slightly touching; a gentle reminder to Sam that he wasn’t alone. 

They were silent for more than ten minutes before Sam spoke, and when he did, he nearly spoke at a whispered volume. It seemed to Sy that it took more energy than he had to speak any louder than he was. “I told you about the times Morgan and I did heroin together. But I didn’t tell you the times where she…I told Morgan more about you and what it did to me when you were sent away than anyone. More than Logan, more than anyone. When I was high…my goal was to forget about the pain…but what it did was make me think of you even more…most times I was able to remember the good times between us. Sometimes I would just get really quiet while my mind circled around you.” He paused as he gathered his thoughts. “You remember when I told you that I thought I saw you at the store one day at the mall?” Sy nodded. “I didn’t tell you everything. When we got back to her place, I was a mess…”

“Why do I keep seeing him, Morgan? I see him everywhere and it’s never fucking him,” Sam said as they entered the apartment. Sam collapsed on the couch, his head falling into his hands. He felt the couch dip as she sat down next to him. As she slipped her arm around his shoulders, he felt himself begin to slip in his self-control. 

“Sam, have you ever actually grieved his loss? Have you ever processed it?”

He scoffed as he dropped his hands. He still didn’t look at her as he spoke, “He didn’t die, Morgan.”

“No…but you still lost him regardless. He was still ripped away from you and it still left you in an incredible amount of pain. And if you never processed it…no wonder it’s eating you alive.”

“How can I accept that he’s gone?” Sam whispered, finally making eye contact with her. “I really thought it was him.” Taking a deep, shuddering breath, he continued, “Why can’t it ever be him?”

Sam reached over and took Sy’s hand in his. “She held me for I don’t even know how long as I just…broke.” Sam wiped at his eyes and sniffled the slightest bit. “The last time she saw me was the last time I OD’d. She came to visit me in the hospital. She blamed herself for me doing that because she gave me the hits to take home. She ran out of there in tears and I haven’t seen her since then. Until today.” Shaking his head, he said, “I messed up a wonderful friendship that I had with her.” 

Leaning into Sam’s side, Sy kissed him lightly on the temple. “She seemed very excited to see you and to catch up when they get back into town.” Sam nodded with a small grin. “And she seemed really happy to see you.”

“She’s always been a very…exuberant character.” He laughed as he looked at Sy, his smile slowly fading. “I’m sorry that I got too into my head this afternoon.”

Sy shook his head. “Don’t apologize for that. If I can’t apologize for that, neither can you. Deal?”

Sam nodded in acknowledgement. “Deal.”

Smiling, Sy kissed his lips gently. “Good. I love you. Now let’s get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.”