They packed the last bit of Sam’s belongings, what all he’d planned on taking with him, into the small u-Haul he’d rented for the day. Sam closed the door and pulled the lock down, a grin spreading across his face. There would be a few things that remained in the house, such as his bed and dresser, but everything else was packed and ready to be moved.

Leaning against the truck, Sam watched as everyone had gathered in Logan’s front yard. Shelly chased Sammy around, his little voice booming with exuberant laughter. Sy was chatting away with Carrie, gently laughing at whatever was said. He stood up straight as his twin approached him, his crossed arms falling to his sides.

“All set?” Logan asked.

Sam nodded. “Yep. With all I’m taking anyway. Thanks for letting me keep my other stuff here.”

Logan shrugged. “It’s no big deal. I was wondering though…can we maybe talk for a minute before you leave?”

Sam followed his brother into the house and once inside, Sam took the opportunity to really look at his brother. “Are you alright, Logan?”

Logan nodded slightly. “Yeah.” Sam followed Logan to the couch and they both sat down. Sam didn’t say anything more, knowing that his brother was gathering up the right words to say. “I just wanted to tell you that…well, that I’m proud of you, Sammy. I’ve…I’ve done my best to look out for you since that night. And in that time, I’ve been so scared of losing you completely. And I have to admit that…when Sy first came back around, it scared me. I didn’t know if something would happen to send you spiraling again. But I’m glad, more than anything, that you were able to find him. That the two of you were able to start again. 

“I’m beyond happy that…well, that I’ve got my brother back. And that you’re happy.”

Sam smiled. “Thank you.”

“Just promise me one thing, alright? One thing.” There was an earnest look in his eyes and Logan’s expression made Sam pause.

“What?”

“Be happy, Sammy. Be happy with him. I know it’s what you’ve always wanted. And remember something for me, will ya?” At Sam’s nod, Logan continued, “If you ever need anything…I’m always here for you. No matter what. No matter when. I love you and I just want to see you live your life happy.”

Sam smiled. “I will be. I am happy, Logan. Happier than I ever thought I’d be again. Thank you for keeping me alive all these years. I know I gave you a lot of shit about it, but you have no idea how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Even the stuff I don’t know about.”

“You’re my brother, Sammy. My best friend. I’d do anything I could for you. I suppose you should be going. I know that while you haven’t really lived here in some time…I’m still gonna miss you now that you’re actually moved out. Don’t forget about me, will ya?”

Sam gave him an odd, questioning look at the question. “Forget you? I’m only half an hour away, not half a world. We’ll see each other all the time.” Pulling Logan into a firm hug, Sam said, “I love you, Logan.”

Several hours later Sam had everything unloaded and the truck returned to the U-haul store. Most of his boxes contained clothes and some relics from their past. His computer desk was set up in the study with Sy’s computer and desk. Luckily, they both agreed, the room was big enough to accommodate both work spaces.

The next morning came around like any other, finding Sy nestled closely in Sam’s embrace. Sam woke first. He didn’t move after opening his eyes, finding himself completely in awe that he was able to have this second chance at a life with the only person he’d ever loved. 

There were still times, times when he wasn’t afraid of being interrupted, that he allowed himself to deal with the pain he’d locked away so long ago, to process it and finally let it go. Moments like these when Sy was sleeping safely in his arms, unaware of Sam’s turmoil, but helping him nonetheless. It was in moments like this, early and before the sun really peaked above the treetops, where Sam could just watch and listen. He could listen to the slow, rhythmic sounds of Sy’s soft breathing. He could take comfort in the solidity of Sy pressed against him, being held protectively in his arms. In these moments, he could remember and process what it was like for all those years without him and work through the pain that accompanied those particular memories.

For reasons he didn’t quite understand, he felt this pain sharper now than he usually did. Then he remembered the dream that had awoken him. The sudden, unexpected potency of the grief that hit him felt like a shot to the heart, and it took his breath away. 

Sam shifted the slightest bit, but it was enough, coupled with the quiet sniffle, to wake up Sy. Sam tried to smile reassuringly, despite the watery shine to his eyes. “Sammy?”

Sam shook his head, trying to dispel Sy’s look of worry. “I’m alright, Sy.”

With a deep frown, Sy reached up and swiped his thumb lightly across Sam’s cheek. “This tells me otherwise,” he retorted gently. Sam wasn’t the type of person to cry at the drop of a dime. He never had been. So whenever Sy saw tears in the other man’s eyes, he knew that whatever it was that caused the tears wasn’t something trivial.

Sam closed his eyes momentarily before looking at Sy once more. “Do you remember when I told you about that dream I keep having a while back?”

Sy nodded. “When we were in the hotel room?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah. I had it again. It’s what woke me up. There was more to it this time…and it just…shook me, I guess.”

Sy moved a bit closer, offering what comfort he could. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Sam closed his eyes and shook his head. “No. Not…not right now, anyway.” With that said, Sam turned into Sy, burying his face in his chest as Sy’s arms wound around him. 

Sy’s arms tightened as he felt small vibrations reverberating through Sam’s tense frame. “Sammy…” Sy tightened his grip a bit more, kissing the side of his neck. “It was just a dream,” he said, trying to reassure him. He remembered what he had told him about the dream at the hotel. He wondered what more happened to invoke this reaction out of him, but he knew it would do no good to try and press him further right now.

Sam shook his head, his body tensing further still. “It’s so real, Sy. It feels like a warning.” Just as Sy was about to try and probe further, Sam sat up and wiped his eyes, indicating that he was done with the conversation. “I’m gonna go take a shower.”

Sy nodded as he watched Sam get up and go to the attached bathroom. He frowned slightly as he wondered what else had happened to get him so upset. He was also aware that Sam wasn’t generally an open book, and knew that it would take time and patience to get him to fully open up. When he heard the water for the shower turn on, Sy got up with a sigh and got dressed before heading for the kitchen. 

When Sam entered the kitchen after his shower, he seemed to be in higher spirits. Sy lightly smiled as he felt Sam wrap his arms around him from behind, allowing his lips to linger against the side of his neck. Sammy came out of his bedroom just as breakfast was being placed on the table. “Morning, Sammy boy. Whatcha got there?” Sam asked, pointing to the single sheet of paper in his hand.

Sammy set the paper down and slid it to his father, who had just sat down with a large cup of coffee in his hands. “It’s a permission slip for a field trip to the Natural History Museum for school. It’s in two weeks from yesterday. I’m supposed to bring it back to my teacher on Monday.” 

Sy stood and grabbed a pen before returning to the table and signing his name to it. He smiled as he slid the paper back toward his son. “He’s been looking forward to this field trip all year,” Sy said to Sam with a bright grin. Sam smiled around his bite of food, ruffling the boy’s hair, but he couldn’t stop a nagging feeling that bloomed in his chest that maybe Sammy should skip this field trip. Though, he kept this to himself. There was no way to explain this feeling, and within that unknown, Sam shrugged off the feeling as remnants from the dream that got him so worked up this morning.

It was around five o’clock the next Tuesday when Sy, Sam and Sammy were playing in the backyard that the phone rang from inside the house. Sy jogged into the house through the sliding glass door and over to the kitchen table where his cell phone sat. “Hey, Jenny. How’s it going?”

“Good,” she said with a smile in her voice. “I wanted to ask you something. And I totally understand if you say no, but…I wanted to ask anyway.”

Sy frowned slightly. “What’s up?”

“Well,” she began almost hesitantly, “it’s my birthday on Friday and I wanted to ask if the three of you could come over for a few hours. We’re having a party on Saturday, but…I really want you to be here on my actual birthday. There will be food for us and everything. And you don’t have to worry about presents because I just want to see you. Will you come? Please?”

Sy sucked in a slow breath as his eyes slipped closed. “Yeah, Jenny. We’ll be there. What time?”

“Is eleven or noon alright?” she asked as excitement filled her tone.

“Noon is good,” Sy replied with a small smile. “We’ll see you then, alright?”

Just as he hung up the phone, Shelly came out of her bedroom, having finished the work she had to bring home that day. “Hey, are you okay?” Sy looked up at her and blinked, but didn’t say anything. “Sy?” Shelly pulled the kitchen table’s chair out as his knees gave out and he sank down unceremoniously. As she knelt down in front of him, she caught eyes with Sam from the backyard. With a word to Sammy to remain there, Sam went inside.

“Sy, who was on the phone?” Shelly was asking as he approached the two of them, kneeling down next to Shelly.

Sy’s gaze flicked back and forth to them both for a moment before he sucked in a shaky breath. “It was Jenny. She wants us to come to the house for her birthday on Friday. She’s having a party on Saturday, but she said that she really wants to spend her actual birthday with us.”

Sam took his hand, lacing their fingers together. “Are you going to be okay doing that?”

Sy shook his head as his shoulder came up. “I’m not really sure. I’ve never wanted to go back to that house. I’ve always been too damned afraid to go back there.” Sy closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “I’ll be alright,” he said with a conviction that he didn’t quite feel. “I told her we’d be there around noon.” Running his hands over his face, Sy stood, the action causing both Shelly and Sam to stand as well. “Listen, I need to be alone for a while.” Without saying anything further and without turning back, Sy moved past them and down the hall toward his room. 

Sam watched him go, wanting to go after him. But he knew that Sy needed the time to himself to come to grips with what he'd just agreed to. He also knew that Sy would likely tell all later when Sam gathered him up in his arms for the night. That seemed, Sam noticed, to be when Sy would spill his secrets. 

For now, however, he would have to be content to just wait until that time. Looking back to where Sam was standing, Shelly said, “What are you up to?”

Sam shrugged, his gaze never leaving the now closed bedroom door. “Nothing much. We’ve just been playing with Sammy in the back.” At the mention of the boy, they both looked to the backyard where they saw Sammy sitting in the grass, watching them. Sam motioned for the boy to come inside. With a forlorn expression and posture, Sammy stood and came inside. As he stopped in front of Sam, he didn’t say anything, he simply leaned his forehead against Sam’s hip. Sam ran his hand through the boy’s hair as he clung desperately to his namesake. 

Finally the boy let go of Sam’s leg and without a word, headed toward his room. Shelly sighed as she watched him go and when the door was firmly shut behind him said, “He’s always taken his father’s sudden depressive moods pretty rough. I think in a way he thinks it’s his fault because he can’t always cheer him up. Or make him forget all the pain he knows nothing about.”

“He feels helpless,” Sam supplied. “He wants to make all his pain go away, but he doesn’t know how because he doesn’t know exactly what’s made him so sad to begin with. And he knows that it’s an important bit as to why Sy gets like that. But he doesn’t know what it is. And it leaves him feeling helpless.” Shelly turned and held his gaze and he shrugged lightly. “Sammy told me once it’s how he feels,” Sam told her softly with a small upturn of his shoulder. “I’ve tried to tell him that it isn’t his responsibility to be anything but the best son he knows how to be. To just be a kid and do kid things but…that falls on deaf ears.”

Shelly chuckled. “I’ve been telling him that his whole life. He’s never listened. Always too grown up for his own good.”

Sam gave Sy nearly four hours before he finally made his way into the bedroom they both now shared. He had cooked and served dinner, gotten Sammy bathed and tucked into bed for the night before deciding that he couldn’t wait any longer.

Sy was actually surprised that he hadn’t come in sooner as the door opened and quietly closed behind him, but was grateful for the time that he had been allotted. When Sam was stretched out next to and facing him, Sy brought his gaze to meet Sam’s. Sam smiled the smallest fraction as their eyes met in silent greeting. Without a word, Sy moved into Sam’s arms, reveling in the safety he found there. “How can I go back to that house?”

Sam tightened his hold, running his hands lightly up and down Sy’s back. He didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of his head. “If it’s going to be too much for you to handle, Sy, maybe you shouldn’t go,” Sam told him honestly.

“But this will be the first birthday I’ll get to spend with my little sister since she was two years old. I want to do this, Sammy. But…”

“You have every right to feel nervous or triggered at the thought of going there. But your father isn’t going to be there. He can’t hurt you anymore. Maybe you can replace some of the bad memories with good ones,” Sam suggested lightly. “But if you want to do this, I’ll support you completely. And I’ll be there every step of the way.”

Sam felt Sy smile against him before he whispered,  “I love you, Sammy. I’m so glad you found me.”