It had been just over a week since Sy and his mother had visited and they talked about the events from so long ago. He had been relatively quiet over the last ten days, though Sy made it a point to make sure that his son got all the attention that he needed. He didn’t want a repeat of what happened when he first ran into his mother. 

Sam had noticed the fact that Sy had pulled back into himself, but gave him the space that he might need to sort out his mind. Though, while he gave him that space, made sure to stay close enough to catch him should he fall.

It was close to ten on a Thursday night and Sy stood at the dresser that housed a good portion of his clothes. He was changing into his night clothes after exiting the shower, and leaned against the dresser. Sam was behind him, changing the pillowcases after putting clean sheets and a clean comforter on the bed. Sy watched him from the mirror. 

He was beautiful in so many ways. From the sculptured build of his body, his angular jawline, the bright blue of his eyes when he looked at him. Right down to the gentleness of his touch and the way he brought to him a safety he’d been missing for so long. 

That night as they lay in bed, Sam’s arms wrapped tightly around Sy, Sy listening to his heartbeat, utterly comforted by the sound. The level of love he felt for the man that held him compared to no other. It never had. It never would. The bond that they shared hadn’t broken over time or from being ripped apart. Sy wanted to hold onto the belief that the hold they had on one another would outlast any trial.

That night Sy found sleep elusive, taking the opportunity to reflect on the man holding him so dear. As Sy studied him, studiously observing the contours of Sam’s face, observing the small, minute details that weren’t so obvious in the daylight hours, he knew that everything would be alright. No matter how tough things became, as long as they were together, everything would be fine eventually. 

With all the fear and pain of the past, he knew that he wanted to spend the rest of forever with the man lying next to him. The prospect scared him, but he found as he analyzed it, the fear of what they taught him, was becoming less and less. No, he realized, that while that old fear was still there, the fear that was most at the forefront was the fear everyone gets at the realization that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with the one they loved.

He thought about all that Sam had done for him over the whole of their lives. But mostly he thought about him and Sam from over the last eight months. Everything that he had done for him, starting with finding his son and keeping him safe from all the harm that could have come upon the boy that day. He thought about all the tears that he had wiped away, all the fears that he'd vanished from his mind. His memory flashed to small moments when Sam would make him laugh, even when he didn’t want to laugh. He considered the look in Sam’s eyes, the undiluted level of love that shone there when he looked at him.

While difficult, life with Sam over the last months had been better than he could have ever anticipated. He could feel himself beginning to really heal from the damage of his past. From the backward teaching of that place. He could feel himself beginning to heal from being so horribly ripped apart from everything he ever knew.

A thought hit him then that made him smile. Maybe they were ready for that next big step. And it was with thoughts of their future circling Sy’s mind that he finally fell asleep.

Three days later, one morning after Sammy was at school and Sam was gone to visit with his brother, Sy approached Shelly about something that had been on his mind for several days now. He had contemplated and thought it over as much as he could, and found himself running now in circles. He had always sought Shelly’s council on any big decisions he made and this was no different. 

She was doing work on her computer that was nestled into a corner of her room when he knocked softly on the open door. She smiled brightly when she turned toward him. “Hey, doll.”

He smiled as he came fully into the room, sitting down on the edge of her made bed. “Are you too busy to talk?”

“For you…never. What’s going on, love?” Her face suddenly got serious as she studied him. He looked worried about something, his forehead was crinkled slightly accompanied with squinted eyes. It was a look that she hadn’t seen on his face in quite some time and she was instantly on alert. 

“Well…I’ve been thinking about something for the last several days and I wanted your opinion before I make my decision.”

Shelly leaned forward, resting her forearms on her knees, folding her hands together in front of her. “What’s going on?” she asked again.

“Well,” he began hesitantly, “I’ve been thinking about asking Sammy if he wants to move in with us. But…you live here, too…and it’s something I felt that I needed to talk to you about first.”

“Yeah?” Shelly smiled widely. “That’s great!” she exclaimed excitedly before the smile slowly melted off her face at his expression. “That’s not great?”

Sy nodded his head. “No, it is great…I’m just…nervous about it. What if he says no?”

“I don’t think that he would say no, honey. He practically lives here as it is. I don’t even think he has any clothes left at his place…” she said, thoughtfully before she smiled at him. “What is it that you’re really worried about?”

He shrugged and looked away. “Being happy,” he told her softly. “I mean…I’ve been so happy lately. Despite everything that’s happened with like…my mom and telling Sammy everything…but I’ve never been this happy. Not since I was a kid…before everything. I can feel myself…little by little…healing from my past.” He smiled at her, but there was a bit of sadness to his expression.

Frowning, Shelly said, “Then why do you look so sad?”

Sy broke eye contact with her, looking down before speaking. “Because I find myself still waiting for the other shoe to drop. That…that something will go wrong and I’ll lose everything that I love.”

“Are you going to let that stop you from asking him?” Shelly asked softly.

Sy shook his head. “No. I want him to move in. I want to be able to put all of this behind me and just be able to live my life the way I see fit. I don’t want to have it in the back of my mind that I’m going to be punished for loving another man.”

Shelly studied him with a sad look to her eye. “I don’t know that that’s something I can help you with, sweetie. I can listen. And I can advise or give you an opinion…but ultimately…that’s really all I can do.”

Sy nodded. “I know.” He was quiet for a minute before, “I want to ask him. I want to be with him. I want to give myself this chance to take this next step in mine and Sammy’s relationship. What I don’t want is to live in fear of living for the rest of my life.”

Shelly nodded slightly. “I think you’ve made your decision then, my love.”

“Sammy?” It was later that night when Sy approached Sam.

Sam stopped what he was doing, the sheets still gripped in his hand as he pulled down the bed for the night. They weren’t yet going to sleep, but had planned on curling up on the double pillow top mattress and watching some television. “Yeah?” Sammy studied him for a moment and when he said nothing more, Sam questioned. “Are you alright, Sy?”

Sy looked at Sam and gave him a small smile. Nodding, he said, “Yeah. I just…I want to ask you something and…I’m, uh…nervous…”

Dropping the bed clothes, Sam walked around the bed, stopping once he was standing only inches from Sy. Tracing his fingertips down Sy’s cheek with the gentlest of touches, Sam said, “Whatever it is, just ask. You know that no matter what I’m here for you.”

Sy nodded, looking at him with shining, nervous emerald eyes. “I love you, Sammy.” 

Suddenly, Sam had a strange feeling that he couldn’t quite place. “I love you, too. What did you want to ask me?”

Sy closed his eyes for the briefest of moments. Taking a deep breath he plunged forward, “I wanted to ask you if…I mean…since you practically already…” Sy closed his eyes again and pursed his lips, frustrated that he was tripping over his words. Sam stayed quiet, not wanting to discourage him from speaking further, simply waiting for Sy to have the words he needed. Feeling his emotions begin to surface for his inability to speak properly, Sy stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Sam. Sam returned his hold equally. “Move in with us,” he said quietly against Sam’s ear.

Sam felt his heart stop. Pulling back but keeping his hands against Sy’s shoulders, he looked him in the eye. “What did you say? Really?”

Sy let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding as a smile broke out across his face. “Yes, really,” Sy answered with an enthusiastic nod, a bright smile on his face. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Sammy. I’ve wanted that most of my life. And I don’t want to live in fear. I really want us to take that next step.”

Sam couldn’t describe the excitement that he was feeling, but held back the slightest bit. “I really want us to take that step, too. I pretty much live here already. It would be awesome if it were official. You’re sure you want this?”

Sy nodded, his smile never wavering. “I’m sure.” A moment of doubt hit him as he said, “Are you sure?”

Sam pressed his lips firmly against Sy’s, pulling him close to his chest, his arms firmly and lovingly wrapped around him. “God, yes I’m sure.” Sam kissed him once more, the smile ever present. “I’ve always wanted to be by your side, Sy. And for so long I never thought that I’d ever get that chance again. I’m never letting you go.”