Casey opened the front door to his house with a small smile to an old friend, stepping aside to allow him inside. Studying him, he could see that the other man was overloaded with his thoughts. Everything from the downward cast of his head to the tenseness in his arms as they wrapped around himself.

“Hey,” Casey greeted. “You okay? You sounded weird on the phone.”

Sy shook his head, keeping his eyes to the floor. “Is anyone else here? Dex? Lizzy?” 

Casey shook his head. “No. When I told Dex you were upset, he took Liz out for a while so we could talk. Come sit down. You look unsteady on your feet. What’s the matter?”

Sy didn’t speak for a moment after he sat down, squeezing his eyes shut briefly. “I, uh…I’m supposed to be meeting up with my mother tomorrow…to…talk about things…from back then. And…maybe talk about the future…” He looked at Casey then. He looked upon a face that he never thought he’d see again. “I’m scared.”

Casey shifted in his seat to better face his friend, taking his hand in his own. “Of what, honey?”

“Of what might happen. Of what she might tell me.” Sy squeezed the hand in his as he tried to keep the tears he’d been fighting all morning at bay. “What if she doesn’t really want to have anything to do with me? What if she just wants to know Sammy and is…placating me? What if I ask her if she loves me and she says ‘no’? I want her to…” He trailed off then, closing his eyes. 

“You want her to love you. You want her to be your mother again,” Casey supplied gently while Sy nodded his agreement. “I understand how that feels. I also…know the sting of that second rejection. It isn’t pretty.”

Sy frowned. “You do? I’m sorry,” he added at Casey’s nod. 

Casey shook his head dismissively with a small, yet sad, grin. “Don’t be. It was a few years ago. But I always had this hope…that…she still loved me. Until the day that I got my answer. And it hurt…for a long time…but at least I know. And in that knowledge, I was able to move on. But,” he added, “I don’t think that that’s what she’s going to do. I talked to her quite a bit at Sammy’s party. She couldn’t stop talking about you. About when you were little. About how much Sammy looks like you, or reminds her of you. There were times I caught her watching you with a…a longing…that I only wish I could have seen in my own mother’s eyes.”

Sy looked at him, an expression of desperation in his eyes. “Really?”

“Really. I wouldn’t tell you something like that if I thought otherwise. She didn’t go into any detail of what happened back then, but…she said that she’s really missed you and missed out on a lot of things she wished she hadn’t. But something told me that sending you there wasn’t her decision.” 

Sy nodded and wiped his face, exhaling a shaky breath. “She’s told me as much.” Sy looked at his friend with tears in his eyes and upon his cheeks. “It still hurts.”

Casey pulled his friend into him, their arms automatically wrapping around the other. “I know it hurts, honey. But at least you have the opportunity to set things right now.”

“I’m still so scared to face her, Casey.” Sy tightened his grip around his friend. “I’m scared to know why all this happened. I’m scared to tell her what my father did to me that night. I’m so fucking scared.”

Casey pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his friend’s head. “I know you are, honey. Is Sam going to be there with you?”

Sy nodded. “Yes. I wouldn’t be able to do this without him there. And she’s coming to my house. I’m not ready to go back there.”

“Well, at least you’ll be where you’re most comfortable. That’s something. And that you’ll have Sam with you. That should make it a bit easier, huh?” Sy nodded against Casey’s chest, readjusting his grip. “Just remember this, alright? Remember that no matter what happens…be it a good or bad outcome…things will be alright. You have people who love you no matter what; without conditions.” Casey hugged him a bit tighter as he spoke, reassuring his friend the best way he knew how.

Sy paced back and forth, his heart pounding double time behind his ribcage. A cold sweat had broken out across his brow and was running down his back. In his nervousness, Sy could feel the blood rushing through his veins. 

Sam sat on the couch watching him. He wanted to give him a bit of space, a bit of time to get his wits and thoughts about him. 

“I don’t know if I can do this, Sammy,” Sy told him in a mere whisper as he turned to face him.

Sam stood, coming to stand in front of Sy, squeezing his shoulders some. “You can do this. This is what you’ve always wanted to know…it’s time that you did. I’m going to be right here with you the whole time.” 

Sy nodded. “I know. But I’m scared, Sammy.” 

Sam nodded and kissed Sy gently. “I know. But…I think that you should talk to her. Find out what happened back then. Get your answers and then maybe you can start to put that part of your life to bed. Scary doesn’t have to turn out badly.”

Sy rested his head against Sam’s chest and nodded. With Sam’s arms around him, he began to breathe deeply and calm down. He didn’t want to be in hysterics before his mother even arrived.

When she did arrive, Sy had been able to calm himself down sufficiently. Though, he found his nerves skyrocket at the knocking at the door. Sam opened the door and allowed her inside, following her back into the living room where Sy perched on the edge of the couch. When they caught eyes, Beverly smiled gently at him. It was an unsure smile that showed her own uncertainty. It hadn’t occurred to Sy before that moment that she might be just as nervous and scared as he.

“Hi,” he said softly, doing his best to maintain eye contact.

“Hi,” she returned just as quietly.

“Um…y-you can s-sit down if you w-want to,” he told her, stuttering over his words. 

As she sat in the recliner, Sam joined Sy on the couch, taking his hand with his own. Beverly watched the move with a small smile on her lips, though there was great sadness in her eyes. “I always hoped that you two would find your way back to each other,” she said without looking at either one of them. “What happened wasn’t fair to any of us. And I’m sorry, Sy…I’m so sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to stop him. I didn’t know who I had married until it was far too late.”

“What happened?” he asked her, squeezing Sam’s hand tightly. Sam matched his grip, both in reassurance that he was with him, and anxiety with what was about to be said. 

“How do you want me to tell you this, Sy? I mean…what details do you want? All of them? Or do you just want me to give you the cliffsnotes?” she asked with a stronger voice than she thought she had. 

Beverly watched her son’s reaction through blurry vision. She noticed how he slowly shrank into Sam’s side, and how his breath hitched at the anticipation of what she had to say. “I’ve waited since I was seventeen years old to find out what happened and why. I want to know everything that you have to tell me,” Sy answered, honestly.

“Your father was a cruel man,” Beverly began as she broke eye contact with her son. “And with his cruelty came a power that I always tried to keep away from you. I was mostly able to protect you from him. I knew you were gay, Sy, from when you were a little boy. I knew, or at least suspected, when the two of you became more than friends. I’m not sure when Jason figured it out, but when he did…” Beverly took a deep breath. “When he did find out…he told me that he was going to send you to that place and…I tried to convince him otherwise…that that wasn’t a place that you needed to be in…but…he made me choose. He told me that if I tried to fight him that he would disappear with both you and your sister. You would go regardless and I’d never see Jenny again. If I didn’t fight him, he wouldn’t take your sister.” 

She looked at him then, shame in her eyes. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. And I hated him for it. I hate myself for it. But I couldn’t lose you both. If anything had remained of our marriage until that point, it was gone after that. But I was stuck. He made sure to make me dependent on him from the beginning. He sucked me into his world and by the time I realized how deep I was in it, I already had you…and he had me entirely under his control.

“I love you, Sy. I always loved you. I didn’t want to let you go…I didn’t want to leave you at that hospital…but I had to protect your sister as much as I could. He wouldn’t allow me to know where he sent you. I knew the state only after seeing you at the hospital, but there was never a way for me to get to you. After he died…I never thought that I’d ever be able to find you. It had been years and you could have been anywhere by then. And I always reasoned that you probably didn’t want to have anything to do with me either way. But I never stopped loving you. 

“I don’t expect, nor am I asking for your forgiveness. I wasn’t able to protect you like a mother should and I can never forgive myself for that, either. What I do hope is that we can rebuild our relationship. I want to be a part of your life. A part of my grandson’s life. I hope that we can become something of a family again in time.”

Sy was silent for a long while, soaking in her words and trying to understand her position. As a father, he knew the depths he would suffer to protect his son and couldn’t fault her for trying to protect his little sister. “When he found out…Dad was going through my room and opened a journal. Inside it there was a picture of the two of us kissing. But, I need to know one thing…the night before he sent me away…before he left me with that monster of a man…he…Dad raped me, Mom. Did you know?” As he voiced this question, his voice broke as tears filled his eyes.

Beverly’s face went pale and her jaw slackened as her mouth fell open. “He what?” Instantly her eyes began to water and overflow, her hand covering her mouth in disbelief. “God no, Sy. I didn’t know. He sent me away for a couple of days…I had no idea. Oh my god,” she said to herself again. “Baby, I had no idea. I had no…please believe me, Sy. I didn’t know.”

Sy stared at her for several, long minutes as the silence spread among them. “Mom?” he finally said, his voice rough with emotion. “Can I have a hug?”

“Oh, baby…” she said as she stood, unable to stop the tears and uncaring of their existence as she embraced her son for the first time in more than ten years.