“She’s here! She’s here!” Sammy said with every bit of exuberance that he possessed when he heard the knock on the door. Sy laughed as he walked up behind Sammy to answer it, his heart hammering behind his ribs, causing his breath to come in short, anxious gasps. Reminding himself to stay calm, he opened the door.

Jenny was a beautiful girl, who was the feminine version of her older brother; both taking more after their mother than father. Her hair was long, close to her mid-back, that flowed in jet black strands that almost shined blue in the light. It was the only thing she had inherited from their father. Her eyes were an emerald green and she was tall for her age, standing at 5’6. She was built solidly, an athlete through and through. “Hi,” she said with a shy grin. 

“Hi, Jenny.” He pulled her into a hug and held her there for a moment before letting go and stepping back, his smile wide and infectious. He looked around for a moment, the driveway hidden by the front of the house. “Is Mom still here?”

Jenny nodded, not wanting to show her excitement that he was asking after their mother. “Yeah. She wanted to wait until I got inside to leave.” She paused before, “She didn’t think you’d want to talk to her right now. She understands that, and doesn’t want to pressure you. So, she waited in the car.”

Sy nodded, gazing out toward a car he couldn’t see. “Come on, Aunt Jenny!” Sammy called as he took her hand and pulled her inside. “I wanna show you my room!” Jenny locked eyes with Sy for a moment, a silent message being sent and received, before she looked down at the little boy who was vying for her attention. She was already in love with him. She laughed as she followed, telling him to show her the way.

Sy watched them go into Sammy’s room for a moment before stepping around to the front of the house where the car still sat. They caught each other’s stares and neither moved for a long moment, before Sy finally began to move. As he rounded the front of the car, she stepped out and closed the door. He stopped several feet from her, not wanting to get too close. He didn’t know what he thought would happen if he did get too close, but he didn’t want to risk finding out just yet. 

“Hi,” he began with a broken whisper.

She smiled a sad smile as she looked at him. “Hi.” She paused in hesitation before she spoke again.  “I didn’t know if you’d want to see me…but I want Jenny to be able to know you. I won’t pressure you, Sy…but I do hope one day you’ll at least hear me out.”

Sy nodded slightly, his chest tightening. He wrapped his arms around himself as his chest ached at this fresh bout of an old pain. “One day,” he agreed, “maybe.” He looked at her hard, his eyes narrowed slightly, his voice clogging as he tried to speak. “There’s so many things I want to ask you about back then. So many things that I never understood.” He shook his head as his eyes spilled over, not wanting to get this upset, but knowing that it couldn’t be helped. Not with her standing so close to him after all this time. “Why did you stop loving me, Mom?”

Her heart broke. It wasn’t the first time this subject broke her, and she wasn’t fool enough to think that it would be the last. “Oh, baby, I never stopped loving you. You’re my son. I didn’t care if you were with Sammy. I just wanted you to be happy. But there’s so much you don’t know. My only hope right now is that you will one day allow me to explain.” She didn’t try to hide the tears falling from her own eyes. She wanted so badly to reach for him. To wrap her arms around the son she thought forever lost to her. But she didn’t move. She knew he wouldn’t allow that right now. 

“Maybe one day soon. Maybe you can come by one day while the kids are at school or something.”

She nodded tentatively in agreement. “Just call and let me know when, and I’ll be here. The house number is the same,” she reminded. “I should go and let you get back inside. Jenny has been talking about this all week. I told her to let me know when she needs me to come get her, so…maybe I’ll see you then.”

Sy nodded. “Yeah. Maybe.” He tried to keep it at least mostly together. He didn’t want to be a mess by the time he walked in the house. 

When Sy came around the house toward the front door, he found Sam waiting for him just outside the doorway, leaning against the jam. Sy smiled when he saw him and without a word stepped into his embrace. Sam held him close, giving him as much comfort as he could by this one simple act. “You okay?” he asked gently as Sy pulled back.

He shrugged with a helpless look. “I, uh…” he sighed, running his hands over his face. “No. But for the next while I have to be. I’ll be not okay later tonight.” Sy smiled gently and kissed Sam with soft, lingering lips. “Thank you.”

Sam returned the grin, running his knuckle down Sy’s cheek. “Always.” Then he stepped out of Sy’s way and preceded him into the house.

 Sy smiled to himself as he made his way toward Sammy’s room, where he heard the boy talking a mile a minute. Something in his heart pulled at him when he saw the two of them. Jenny was sitting on Sammy’s bed, the boy propped on her legs, her arms around him to keep him safely on her lap. Jenny’s attention was fully on the boy, smiles adorning both their faces, laughter emanating from them both, as Sammy told her stories. When he came fully into the room, Jenny smiled at her brother. 

He could see the emotional response she was having internally, as he was sure she could see his. When Sammy finally took a breath, Sy began speaking, a chuckle carrying with his words. “Sammy, Sammy, you gotta breathe sometimes. How about we go into the living room? Are you hungry? Thirsty?”

Jenny smiled and stood, propping Sammy on her hip. Sy could tell that the boy was already entranced with her, even before he put his head along her shoulder. She smiled softly at the move and rested her head against his for a moment, both of them enjoying the cuddles and followed Sy out of the bedroom. “Something to drink would be great. What are my options?”

“Well,” Sy began as he turned to face her, “juice-apple or orange, tea, lemonade…” he smiled, “We don’t usually have a lot of sodas here.”

“Apple juice is good with me. Thank you,” she said, bouncing Sammy slightly as she kissed his forehead.

It was more than an hour later that the four of them still sat in the living room, laughing and joking and enjoying themselves. As there became a lull in conversation, Sam felt the atmosphere change. Sam was seated in the recliner, Sy and Jenny sat next to each other on the couch, and Sammy was still sitting on Jenny’s lap. The two had an instant bond and Sy was overjoyed by this fact. “Alright, Sammy boy,” Sam began as he stood, “it’s time to let Aunt Jenny and Daddy catch up for a while, just them, okay?”

Sammy didn’t hide his disappointment, but neither did he argue as he slid off Jenny’s lap. She smiled at him and tousled his hair. “Don’t worry, little one. I’m sure we’ll see each other again.” She looked at Sy, “Right?”

He smiled gently but genuinely at her. “Absolutely.”

To Sammy, Sam said, “Go get your shoes and a jacket on. We can go to the park for a while like you’ve been wanting to lately.” When the boy was gone from the room Sam turned to Jenny and told her, “It was great to see you again, kid. You’ve grown up into a beautiful young woman.” He hugged her tightly. “I hope that you’re here when we get back. But if not, I’ll see you again soon, I’m sure.”

Sy and Jenny were quiet as Sam got Sammy ready and out the door, knowing that this next conversation was meant only for them. Once they were alone, Jenny nervously tucked a long strand of hair behind her ear before tilting her head to look at Sy. “Did…did you really think about me for all these years?” Her question was nearly a whisper, her gaze shifting down to her hands. 

“All the time,” he replied just as softly. “I wondered if you were okay. I wondered what you were doing. What you grew up to look like. What your interests turned out to be. I wondered how well you did in school.” Swallowing the lump in his throat, he continued. “I hoped that Dad was taking better care of you than he did me.”

“I don’t remember much about him. I remember being scared of him. I remember you being scared of him.” She said this with a thoughtful frown, as if a memory just flashed in her mind. “I mean…I was little, but I do remember things from back then. My strongest memory of you was…I came into your room and you were sitting on the floor. I remember you hugging me. And I don’t remember anything after that. But I remember that small moment very clearly. Do you remember?” She looked at him then.

He nodded and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Yeah. I remember. It was my last night at the house.”

Once his father finished inside of him and left the room without another word, Sy dragged himself into his bathroom. He knew that one shouldn’t shower after this sort of tragic event, however he also knew that he couldn’t turn him in. He had no access to any phone and his father made sure to secure the house so he couldn’t get out again. He scrubbed the smell of his father off his body as he scrubbed off any evidence of what had just transpired.

Zombie-like he went through the routine of washing himself before getting out and drying off, adorning fresh clothes. As he stared at the bed, unable to get into it, he collapsed at the side, leaning against the wooden frame. His legs were drawn up, his head cradled in his hands. He only looked up when he felt small hands along his arm, spying an equally small, yet worried face. “Okay, Shy?” 

He smiled sadly at her inability to properly say his name. “No, little one. Not okay.” Stepping between his legs, she wrapped her tiny arms around him, setting her head against his chest. He couldn’t stop the tears that fell at the pain that rippled through his body as well as his soul. His life as he knew it had ended. “I love you, Jenny bean.” Sy pulled back to look at this innocent baby girl in front of him. “I don’t know if you’ll remember me. I hope that you will. I hope that you’ll always remember that your Shy loves you so much. And I’ll miss you. I don’t think I’ll see you again after tonight. But I promise, I’ll always think of you.”

He knew she didn’t understand him, and smiled back through his tears when she grinned up at him with her bright green eyes shining with love as she looked at him. “I love my Shy broder, too.”

“Dad took me away the next day.” He paused before, “I’m surprised you remember that. You were probably a month shy of three.”

Jenny shrugged and pulled the picture of the two of them and Sam that she always had. She handed it to him and said, “I found this one day when I was probably eight. It was in a shoe box Mom kept a bunch of old pictures in. When I found it, I had this flash of that memory of before you left. Mostly what I remember of you was feeling loved and safe.”

  Sy smiled. “That you were. I always had you with me.”

“Sy? Can I hug you?” He opened his arms and she went into them. “It’s not fair,” she lamented. “He took you away from me for so long. There have been so many times since I can remember that I wished I had my big brother. It wasn’t fair, Sy.”

“No. It wasn’t fair at all,” he whispered. “And there have been so many times that I wished I had my little sister, too. But you know what?” he asked as he gently pulled away to look at her.

She shook her head. “No. What?”

With a soft smile he wiped the few tears on her cheeks. She looked down, embarrassed to be crying. “We have each other now. I know that it won’t make up for the last nearly thirteen years, but we can make new memories and have something to look forward to together.”

She smiled with a watery chuckle. “I’d like that.” She sighed heavily and looked at him. “There’s so much I want to know about you.” She spoke in a quiet, wistful manner, as if he were a mythical figure that now sat in front of her in the flesh. “When did you and Sammy find each other again? I know you were sent to somewhere in Arizona. How long have you been back here?”

“About eight months ago, to answer your first question. Completely by happenstance, actually. I was sent to Arizona, yes. And Shelly and I found this place about about six and a half years ago now, or so. Sammy was just a baby.”

“I absolutely adore him. Is Shelly his mother?” She was a bit confused, but knew things would be cleared up.

Sy smiled. “No. His mother and I were very good friends. We got really drunk one night and I experimented…nine months later I had Sammy and his mother was gone. She didn’t survive the birth. Shelly is her older sister. She’s helped me with Sammy since day one.”

She half-grinned. “I’m glad you had support. He really is a great kid. He looks just like you.” She took a breath to say something, but stopped herself, not wanting him to get upset with her.

“What?” he asked, suddenly concerned. 

“It’s nothing,” she told him with a shake of her head. 

“No, seriously. What’s up? What do you want to say?” 

“Well…I just…I don’t want you to get mad or upset or anything.” Sy could tell she was suddenly nervous.

“Look,” he told her, placing his hand on her shoulder. “I understand that you’ve got a lot of questions. I can’t promise that I’ll answer every one of them or in any great detail, but you can ask. I won’t get mad at the question. Only if you keep on if I tell you no. Deal?” She nodded but still didn’t speak. “You want to know where they sent me, don’t you?”

She could tell by his tone that it was a place full of bad memories. “Mom would never tell me. Just that Dad made you leave. That he took you to a place somewhere in Arizona. I don’t know if you want to hear this, or if you’ll even believe it…but Mom always insisted to me that she had no choice. She wouldn’t tell me more than that. Just that she didn’t want you to go.”

Sy closed his eyes for a moment. His mother always a sore point with him. “Maybe once I know the whole story.” He cleared his throat, trying to dispel the automatic reaction talking about his mother or that time caused. “I was sent to a conversion camp. Beyond that, Jenny, I can’t…”

She could see that he was becoming upset. She held up her hands in surrender. “I wasn’t going to pry further. Sy?” He looked up at her, his eyes full of sadness and unshed emotion. “He shouldn’t have done that to you.”

“Daddy?” Sammy asked as he came up to Sam, who was sitting at a picnic table that surrounded the park they were at. It had been an hour since they’d arrived, leaving Sy and his long-lost little sister time to themselves. For the first half an hour Sam had run around with Sammy, chasing him around the playground and across the equipment. He went and took a seat when a couple other boys asked if Sammy wanted to play with them.

“What’s up, little man?” Sam said, ruffling his tow-head. “Having fun?”

Sitting next to him, Sammy shrugged. “I guess so. I’m worried about my daddy.”

Sam wrapped an arm around the boy’s shoulders and gave him a gentle squeeze. “Ah, kiddo. You’re not supposed to worry so much at your age. You’re supposed to get dirty, scrape your knees…get in trouble…” Sam looked at the boy seriously then. “Hear me when I say this, Sammy. Worrying and overly worrying about things in life that are beyond your control will never get you aware but anxious. Sy will be fine. Even if he’s upset, he’ll be okay. You worry about being a kid, okay? Let me worry about your dad.” Sammy rested his head against Sam’s ribs and watched the other kids play. “Have you thought about what you want for your birthday yet? It’s coming up pretty quick.”

“Yes,” he responded, still watching the kids. “But I don’t know if I want to ask Daddy for it.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want him to be sad that I asked for it.” He said this very matter of factly, but with a hint of loss.

“Well, what is it that you want? Maybe I can talk to him for you.”

Sammy sat up and studied him for a moment, almost as if weighing out those last words and how well it would go if he did. “I want to meet my grandma. I mean, really meet her. Spend some time with her. Like with Jenny today.”

Sam nodded in understanding. “That’s not a bad thing to want, my sweet boy.” Sam hugged him back to his side.

“It’s not? You don’t think Daddy will be mad at me?”

Sam shook his head. “No. I don’t think he would be mad at you. Want me to talk to him?”

He nodded. “But only if he won’t get mad.”

Sam frowned and turned to the boy, sitting a bit sideways so he could see him better. “Why are you so afraid of Sy getting mad?”

Shrugging, Sammy looked away. “I don’t want him to yell at me like last time. I don’t want him to not love me anymore because I want to know someone who hurt him so much. And I don’t want him to think that I’m bad because I do.” He bit his lip, not wanting to cry in front of people he didn’t know.

“Awe, Sammy. No matter what, baby, Sy loves you. And he will never stop loving you. No matter if he’s mad, or sad, or anything else. And he certainly won’t think you’re bad for wanting to know your grandma.”

“Are you sure?”

The fear he saw in those pale eyes and that baby-face made his chest ache. “I promise, Sammy.”

“How you doing?” Sam asked gently once the night was set in completely and Sammy was tucked into his bed. Jenny had left just over an hour ago, having stayed for dinner. She and Shelly were like two peas in a pod. They were instantly close. Sy had walked Jenny out to the car, telling both his mother and sister to be safe on the way home.

Sy leaned back into Sam, who had wrapped his arms around him, coming over his shoulders to rest along his bared chest, and closed his eyes. “I’m not sure. I feel so many things right now, it’s hard to pinpoint any singular emotion.”

Sam kissed his cheek. “That’s understandable.” Sam slowly started rocking them to and fro, feeling Sy begin to relax even further into his arms. 

With a contented sigh, Sy replied, “This makes me feel better though. No matter what is happening in my head, having your arms around me always quiets everything down.”

Sam felt his heart soaring at his words. There were still many insecurities that he battled when it came to where he actually stood in their relationship. Or rather, if Sy’s fears from his past will overwhelm him, and Sam would be pushed away. Abandoned once again to his own devices. His doubts sometimes plagued him. He smiled against Sy’s neck, pressing his lips to Sy’s pulse point. “I’m glad.” And he was. For more than one reason.