“Sammy,” Sam gently called to wake up the boy as he unfastened his car seat. Sammy cracked his eyes open and looked at Sam. “Come one, little guy.” Sam picked him up out of the booster and propped him on his hip before shutting the car door and maneuvering him until he was in a position that Sam could comfortably carry him. When they got inside Sam said, “Think it would be easier to just bathe him in the morning? I don’t think he’s awake enough to stand up.”

Sy laughed quietly, brushing the hair away that had fallen into Sammy’s closed eyes. “Yeah, that’ll be fine.”

Sam kissed Sy quickly and whispered, “Go get comfortable. I’ll put him to bed.”

Sy nodded. He wanted to take a shower, but he opted for showering in the morning as well. He made his way to his room, too tired to care about showering right then. Sy changed into more comfortable clothes, his mind reeling about the events of the day. He contemplated a thousand things, but had no clear answers for anything. Smiling as he felt a kiss to his head, he leaned into the strong body and sank into the warmth that Sam provided him. “How you doing, baby?”

Sy smiled further still at the concern clear in Sam’s voice. “Honestly, I’m not entirely sure.” Sam let go of his hold with a kiss to the temple, sat down on the edge of the bed and began taking off his shoes to undress for the night. Sy collapsed next to him, his hand bracing his head as he breathed. 

“Not surprising. That’s a lot to take in.”

Sy nodded. “I don’t think the shock has worn completely off yet. I’m feeling a lot of things and I just…can’t sort it all out right now. But…thank you for checking on me.”

Sam smiled a crooked smile. “I love you, Sy.”

Sy well knew that Sam was sending a great deal more than a confession of love within that statement. Within those four words there were vows that didn’t need to be spoken. The vow to worry. To vow to take care of him in the worst and best periods of his life. And a promise that that would always be. “I love you too, Sammy.” Sy flopped backward onto the bed, his arms sprawling upward above his head. He sighed as his eyes slipped closed, feeling himself fall further into the pillow-top as his weight sank him down, his body relaxing. 

“Hey, hey, now. It is far too early to go to bed.” Sy felt the mattress dip as Sam crawled up next to him and lay down beside him. He smiled as he felt Sam snuggle his face into his neck. Sam lightly brushed his lips against Sy’s pulse point, which he had learned was a sensitive spot. He smiled as he heard Sy’s sharp intake of breath, drawing his arm across Sy’s chest. “You need to at least eat before you fall asleep. I know it’s been a while since you’ve eaten.” His lips, just as softly, pressed against his cheekbone. “It’s not even eight o’clock yet, my sweet.”

Sy groaned in disappointment that it wasn’t later than it was, especially with as worn out as he felt. Now that things are calm, that there aren’t countless elementary school kids running around and screeching like wild banshees, and the worst music he’d ever had the misfortune of being forced to listen to, Sy felt himself begin to actually process the events of today. “What’s for dinner?”

Sam silently thumbed away a single tear that fell down across his temple. “I’m not sure. But I can look and find something to make. Unless you have something specific in mind.” Sam didn’t say anything about the tears and neither did Sy. 

“No.” Sy brought his arms up, holding Sam’s arm close to his chest, relishing in the feeling of the safety he felt. “I don’t know if I can eat anything right now.”

“You should try to eat a little bit, at least. It’s not good for you to go too long without eating.”

Sy nodded. “I know. It’s really hard to eat sometimes, though. My mind is kinda starting to spin with…everything.”

Sam nuzzled into him in support and comfort. “I’m sure that it is. I’m here for you whenever you decide you need or want to talk.” He kissed his cheek again. “I’ll be waiting.”

Sy nodded with a smile. “I know. And I appreciate it.” He opened his eyes and turned his head, making eye contact with Sam. “I appreciate you.”

Sam smiled and with a quick kiss and a word that he was going to find something for and make dinner for them, got up from the bed and left the room. As he pulled food from the pantry and fridge to create a meal out of random things that sounded good, Sam’s mind drifted back to something Sy had said earlier in the day. 

The comment, although said rather flippantly, and even though Sam knew that Sy meant no harm by the comment, it bothered him. He knew that this wasn’t something that he was or even could bring up right now. Things were far too hectic with everything going on and Sam knew that he was going to have to put this little issue on the back burner and get to it later. He knew that this was more than likely his own insecurity rearing its ugly head about his status in their lives, and he also knew that there was too much going on in Sy’s life for Sam to even consider bringing this subject up right now. But still…that comment hurt.

The thought consumed him and he was so lost in his inner turmoil that he didn’t notice Shelly enter the kitchen. He jumped slightly, his head snapping to his right, his eyes wide. “Holy fucking God, Shelly,” he gulped in his breath as if he’d just run a marathon full speed. 

She laughed and took a step back from him. “Sorry. Didn’t you hear me call your name?”

He shook his head as he grabbed a package of mushrooms from the fridge and began to slice them. “No. I was kinda lost in my head.”

Shelly watched him for a moment. The tension of his shoulders, the small frown that he was trying to hide, the worry that was presented upon his face, the stiffness in his spine. “Did everything go okay today?”

“I mean…nothing happened that caused any panic attacks, but…” When he didn’t reply further, or offer any more of a detailed explanation, she pressed him. “Are you gonna be up for a while? Honestly, I don’t think Sy is going to be awake when I bring this to him. He’s pretty wiped out. Can we talk later?”

She rubbed his back with the palm of her hand, a gesture that was meant to soothe and show a sign of support. “Of course we can. Anytime.”

“Thank you. I…I’m confused and…I’m not sure, exactly. It’s probably nothing and I’m making a big deal out of nothing, but it really bothered me…and I need you to either tell me that I’m crazy, or that I’m reading far too much into it than I need to be…”

“Of course. I’ll be around.”

“Thanks. Hungry?” He gestured to the pasta he was making as he dumped the noodles in the boiling water.

Shelly nodded. “Yeah, I could eat.”

He smiled at her before turning back to the stove and dumping the mushrooms on a separate pan to saute them.

As Sam suspected, Sy was already asleep by the time dinner was ready. He chuckled to himself and contemplated just letting him sleep. And had he not skipped lunch, Sam probably would have done just that. Gently Sam woke Sy, smiling when their eyes met. “Come on, love. You need to eat and then you can go back to sleep. I just made you a little bowl, but you need to eat something.” 

Sy took the bowl from him in a groggy and haphazard way, almost spilling it on himself before gaining proper grip and taking the fork in hand. He ate almost zombie-like, robotically, trying his hardest not to emulate when he was two and fell asleep in his dinner plate of spaghetti. When he was done eating, Sy handed the bowl back with a sleepy pout on his face. Sam couldn’t help but to chuckle as he took it and stood from the foot of the bed. Pulling the covers up over Sy, Sam bent down and kissed him. “Get some sleep. You need it, I’m sure. I love you.”

He and Shelly gathered on the back porch, side by side on the porch swing. Sam stared off into the darkness while he slowly rocked them with the toe of his foot. Shelly sat quietly as they listened to the crickets sing their nightly song, patiently waiting for Sam to begin to speak. If he were anything like Sy, he needed some time to figure out how to word what was on his mind.

“Sy talks to you about things…” he said hesitantly and then nothing else.

“Yes…about most things.” She was a bit confused but she knew that all would be clear by the end of it. 

“He said something today that bothered me. And it wasn’t said with any intent to hurt me…and it could have been just a reflex kinda thing…but either way, it bothered me.” She waited, knowing that he would get to what he was trying to say. “Before we left the school, after Sy and Casey had come back from their catching up–”

“Wait,” she interrupted, “back up. Casey?”

Sam let out a laugh that had absolutely zero humor in it. “Oh…yeah…so you know how the other day when Sammy and I were at the park and when we got home, he said he met a new friend?”

“I do, yes.” She frowned, now even more confused.

“Well…buckle your seatbelt…Sammy’s new friend is the daughter of the very same Casey that Sy was in the conversion camp with.” He waited a moment for those words to sink in. 

“I thought he was dead?” She turned in her seat to face him fully, bringing her leg onto the swing. Her mouth was slack-jawed, her eyes round with disbelieving shock. Even the crickets seemed to quiet down as he began to speak again.

“Yeah. So did Sy. He took seeing him rather well, but I’m not sure if that’s because we were very much out in public, or if he just took it that well. He said that he was still processing everything, which is understandable and that he didn’t know what quite to think or how to feel about any of it, yet. So, I’m assuming that it’ll hit him in the next day or so.”

Shelly didn’t say anything as she processed what she had just found out. “Wow. So…what happened after they came back?”

“Introductions went around. Sammy was on my lap, upset because he knew something was going on. He told me that he didn’t want Sy to “forget about him again.” It broke my fucking heart. Anyway, Casey asked who Sammy was and Sy said ‘my son’. And it…bothered me. And maybe it shouldn’t bother me that he didn’t say ‘our son’, but it does. And I can’t figure out if I have a right to be upset. I mean…the kid calls me ‘Daddy’ all the time now, for fucks sake. I can’t just ignore that. Especially when I feel like it…” his voice shook at the end of his sentence. “Fuck…” he paused, becoming upset with speaking his thoughts. 

“You have every right to feel the way you do, and your feelings are very valid. Knowing Sy like I do, I don’t think that he was trying to be mean or exclude you as Sammy’s parent, but more of a habitual thing. He’s been saying ‘my son’ for Sammy’s whole life. I mean, I’ve been there and helped, but I’m not his parent, I’m his aunt. You know? So…I don’t think he was trying to hurt you by it.”

Sam nodded in agreement. “Neither do I. Which is why I’m having a hard time with being so bothered by it.”

“Have you tried talking to Sy about it yet?”

Sam shook his head and picked at a loose thread on his jeans. “No. He’s got so much shit going on right now…with his mother and sister popping up randomly and out of nowhere and the shit with Sammy last week, to this Casey guy popping up randomly and out of nowhere, he…he’s already overwhelmed. It’s just not the right time right now.”

Shelly nodded her head thoughtfully. “That’s true. Just as long as you’re not using all these things as an excuse to avoid it. Talk to him about it eventually. Things will settle down again. They always do.”