It was a few days later that Sam called Sy. Sam had asked him to give him some time to think about how to tell him of his past, and to tell him without losing his shit entirely, and Sy had given it to him. He still had no idea how he was going to go about that last part with any level of success. There was a reason he didn’t speak of, nor think about that time of his life.

“Hey.”

Sy noticed the tightness in his voice, how it sounded raspy from disuse. Or perhaps extreme emotion. “Hi, Sammy.” Sy didn’t know what quite to say, so he said little. 

“Thank you for giving me the time I needed. I, uh...I don’t know how I’m going to get through all this...but...I’m ready to tell you. I’m ready to start it anyway. I...I don’t know how much I’ll be able to get through at first...but I’ll tell you what I can for now. Deal?”

Sy smiled slightly. “Remember what you told me? Tell me whatever you need to tell me in whatever time you need to tell me. I’m not going anywhere, Sammy.”

Sam nodded even though Sy couldn’t see him. “I know. I straightened things out with Logan. At least, as well as I could for the moment. We got some things cleared up between us, at least.”

Sy did smile then, a full, if still a bit of a sad, smile. “That’s good, Sammy. I’m sure you both needed it.”

“We did,” he replied softly. “Sy...when I tell you what happened back then...I don’t want to do it here. Can I come to you? Or if you think Sammy might try and interrupt, maybe we can go get a room or something for the weekend?”

Sy listened to his voice as he spoke, noticing the tightness presented there; the held back emotion that was so close to the surface. “Would you rather we go somewhere, just the two of us? It’s okay, if so. I can see if Shelly can watch Sammy for the weekend.”

Sam exhaled a shaky breath. “Yeah. Yeah, that would be best, I think. When?”

“Let me ask Shelly what she’s doing and I’ll get back to you. Sooner the better?”

“Yes.” The response was a mere whisper that was drowning in emotions Sam hadn’t hid from Sy as well as he had thought. 

“Sammy?” When he heard a breathy yeah?, he continued. “You wanna come over tonight? We don’t have to talk about anything, but you sound like you shouldn’t be alone right now.”

Sy heard Sam sniffle before he answered. “How do you know I’m alone?”

“Sammy...even assuming your brother and Carrie were there...would you readily go to them right now for comfort?”

“No.”

“Do you want to come here? We can just lay here and be easy. Don’t have to talk. Don’t have to think. Just...be together.”

“Yeah. I’d like that. I’ll be there in about forty-five. I need to shower.”

Thirty-eight minutes later Sy was pulling open the front door to allow him entrance. Sy noted the bags under his eyes and the expression that adorned his features. To Sy, Sam looked as if in defeat. 

“Hi,” Sy said softly. Sam didn’t respond with words, simply stepped forward and buried himself into Sy’s smaller frame. Sy gently kissed Sam’s temple as he gently rocked him in the foyer of Sy’s house. “Listen, Sammy isn’t sleeping yet. He’s got to finish his report that he's working on about Ethiopia for school. He’s about done. Then he’ll get ready for bed. After that, you’ll have me all to yourself.”

Sam nodded as he stood up right and took a deep breath; steadying himself and his emotions for the benefit of Sammy. He didn’t want the boy to see him upset. Sam followed Sy into the dinning room where the boy was sitting at the table writing furisouly, his face a picture of concentration. Sam smiled as he saw the boy’s tongue slip slightly from the corner of his mouth in concentration. Something that he remembered well Sy doing when they were kids.

Putting on his best happy face, he said, “Hey, kiddo. Whatcha working on?”

Sammy looked up and smiled. “We’re learning about Africa in school and each of us got a country to write about. And I got Ethiopia. I’m supposed to read it tomorrow in front of the whole class.”

“Wow,” Sam replied. “Looks like you’ve got lots of information there. Learn a lot about Ethiopia, then?”

Sammy nodded. “When I’m done, do you want to read it?”

Sam smiled at the boy who smiled at him. “I would love to read it when you’re done, kiddo.”

Less than an hour later, Sam had read Sammy's report, spoke wonders about it and accompanied Sy to tuck the boy in for the night. Sam kissed the boy’s forehead and smiling at the domestic quality he found himself longing for more and more, bid the boy goodnight. 

As they walked into the hall and shut Sammy’s bedroom door, Sam’s smile faded and his eyes took on a desperation that made Sy’s heart ache. 

“Hey.” Sy cupped Sam’s cheek with a soft palm. Sam’s eyes stared into his own and Sy leaned forward to kiss him. The kiss was soft, fleeting, and it conveyed so much in such little contact. “I love you. Breathe, Sammy.” Sam wrapped his arms around Sy, clinging to him. Sy felt him shaking with slight vibrations. “Come on. Let’s go lay down. You look like you haven’t slept in days.” 

“I haven’t,” Sam said as he pulled back and followed Sy into his room, shutting the door behind them. Undressing to shirts and boxers, they both crawled into the bed where Sy opened his arms in invitation. Sam took it without hesitation, once again burying himself into Sy’s hold. “Can I tell you something?”

“You can tell me whatever you need or want to tell me at any point in time.”

There was a pause before he admitted, “I’m scared.”

Sy frowned slightly, tightening his hold just slightly. “Of what, Sammy?”

Sam took several deep breaths before forcing the words from his throat. “Of being vulnerable in front of you.”

Sy’s frown deepened. “Why is that?”

Sam’s body tensed in Sy’s embrace. “Because. Because I haven’t much allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of anyone for a long time. And the amount of vulnerability I have around you...sometimes is overwhelming. And I don’t know how to handle that anymore.”

Sy kissed his hairline gently. “I’m not going to think less of you for being emotional about emotional things, Sammy.” Sy felt his shoulders begin shaking as his words poured over him. “It’s all alright now. We’re back where we’ve always meant to be.”

“Where is that?” Sam asked him.

“Right here. Together. In each other's arms. The rest...the past...we can deal with it together. We can heal from it together.”

Sam nodded, but didn’t respond verbally. The truth of the matter was that Sam wasn’t sure. Worried that Sy’s past would get the better of him, chose not to speak, but simply pressed himself further into Sy’s hold. After several moments he said, “I love you, Sy.”

“I love you, too.” 

Sam looked at him deeply and within his eyes, Sy could see the doubt in Sam’s. Sy didn’t comment. He tried not to think too much of it, given the light of their circumstances.