"Watch Moulin Rouge with me?"

Sy smiled at the almost nervous look in Sam's eyes, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth. "I'd like that." He instantly swallowed past the lump in his throat at the invocation of all those attached emotions.

Sam smiled and grabbed the DVD as Sy retook his seat on the bed. Grabbing the remote, Sam turned off the lights and crawled up next to Sy. Sy was transported to another lifetime and couldn't help the smile that played across his lips. He leaned to his right, and Sam, like he had done so many times before, wound his arm around Sy and pulled him closer.

As the movie played he listened to Sam sing quietly as the songs played. He smiled even as his eyes watered. Shifting, Sy moved a bit closer, making his grip around Sam's stomach tighten just a bit. Sam noticed the forgotten tears as they soaked into his shirt but didn't speak of them. Instead, his fingers found Sy's silky strands and ran his fingers through it. Gradually Sy began to relax and, for a moment, forgot his past. For a moment there wasn't so much between them. For a moment, Sy didn't feel so broken.

As the movie played he allowed himself to contemplate this feeling of peace that had settled over him. This feeling of warmth and safety he now found himself surrounded in. He thought about what Sam had said to him earlier. Was he worth the risk? Were they worth it? 

Sam pulled Sy a bit closer to him then, his lips touching the top of his head. It was an automatic move. An old habit of affection Sam would do in situations just like this. He wondered if he even realized he'd done it. Sy smiled to himself. As he settled into Sam's side, snuggling a bit closer, he sighed lightly, not wanting to stop the smile on his face.

Was it all worth it? Yes. He's worth it. I'm worth it. We're worth it. It won't be easy...but worth it. He wasn't going to tell Sam yet though. That conversation was something he would have to have with Sam at the right time. When will that be? I guess I'll know it when it arrives.

When the movie ended Sam hit stop and Sy was happy when Sam slid down to where they were laying next to and facing each other. They said nothing, simply looking into each other's eyes, searching for truths they both wanted and were too afraid to really hope for. Sy leaned forward the smallest inch and pressed his lips to Sam's, asking permission to deepen the kiss, running the tip of his tongue along the flesh of his lips and moaning slightly when Sam acquiesced to his silent request. 

Sam's hand slid under Sy's shirt and along his ribs, drawing him in that much closer, wanting and needing him as close as he could muster. He needed to feel the warmth of his skin against his own. It was a desperate yearning that had built up since that fateful night and as Sy kissed him, he knew this was it for him. No matter what happened, he wouldn't let Sy disappear again from his life. Come what may.

As the kiss ended and they broke for air, their foreheads automatically coming together in a move so familiar Sy felt his heart mend the smallest fraction

"Daddy!" Sy laughed as Sammy ran at him, his backpack bouncing from side to side as he ran. Sy picked up the boy and hugged him close. "I didn't know that you were picking me up from school." Sammy grinned big and even bigger as his eyes slid over to Sam, who stood to Sy's right. "Hi, Sammy."

"Hey, Sammy boy." Sam grinned brightly at the child, his heart expanding as his love for the little boy grew.

"I thought that since you were so upset yesterday when I left, that I'd surprise you and pick you up," Sy said as they began walking to the car, bouncing his son slightly on his hip. "Are you surprised?"

Sammy smiled brightly. "Yes! I missed you, Daddy."

"Good. I missed you, too, baby. You hungry?"

Sammy nodded. "Uh-huh. Can we go to McDonald's?" His voice raised in excitement.

Sy laughed."Boy, you're gonna turn into a chicken nugget one day, you know that?" Sammy giggled. "If that's what you want, baby boy."

As the day wound down Sam watched Sy hold Sammy as they watched an episode of the Simpsons. He smiled at the scene, wanting so badly to be a part of it. He never considered the idea of having children, but as he watched and a smile spread across his cheeks, he knew that this was what he wanted. He wanted to come home to these two each night. He wanted to watch Sammy grow into a man and help guide him along the way. He wanted to be the one who showed Sy that it was okay to love whomever he decided to love, and he wanted to show him that love was nothing to be ashamed of. That their love was nothing to be ashamed of. 

He registered the sound of a phone ringing and a one-sided conversation, but too deep in thought to pay it any mind. He knew he had to be patient or it would all blow up in his face. And where would he be then? He didn't want to contemplate that. He was snapped back to reality at the calling of his name. "Hmm?"

Sy smiled lightly at him. "Welcome back. You okay?"

Sam frowned some and stretched his arms out in front of him. "Yeah. What's up?"

"Shelly called. She's got a flat and needs me to help with her tire." At this he looked slightly nervous, biting his lower lip.

"What's wrong? Is she okay? She didn't wreck or anything?"

Sy smiled at his concern. "She's fine. I was wondering if it would be an inconvenience if I asked you to watch Sammy?"

Sam smiled. "Not in the least. I love spending time with the little guy."

Sy looked visibly relieved before the brightest smile appeared on his face. And Sam guessed that it had to do with the obvious adoration he had over the boy in question. 

"Thank you." Without second-guessing the move, Sy leaned in and pressed a light kiss to Sam's lips. As he turned Sammy came into the room and he knelt in front of his son. "Alright, Sammy, I gotta go help Aunt Shelly. Be a good boy for Sammy, okay?"

The boy smiled. "I will, Daddy."

Ten minutes later the two were alone in the house, the only sound being the forgotten television as they watched Sy vanish from sight and head around the corner that led to the main road. Sammy reached up, a silent request to be held, and Sam immediately complied. Walking back to his previously vacated spot in the chair he'd grown rather fond of over the past few months, he sat with his charge in his lap. They sat for several moments, eyes trained on the episode of Futurama that came after the Simpsons before Sammy turned to study Sam. 

"Sammy? Can I ask you something?"

Turning off the TV, Sam turned to look at the boy, giving him his full attention. "You can ask me anything, Sammy boy."

"Do you love my daddy?"

Sam almost smiled at the serious expression on his face. As if he'd waited for a moment for the two of them to be properly alone in order to have this man-to-man chat. 

He half-smiled before answering, "Yes, I do. Very much." There was no point in denying it or beating around the bush.

Sammy nodded. "He loves you too, you know." Sam smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Sammy?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"I know he does. But I know that he's scared, too. But you know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think that if anyone can make Daddy not sad and not scared anymore, it's you."

Sam frowned as he thought about what he was just told. "What makes you think that?" He genuinely wanted to know.

"Well, because you make him smile so much. And because you love him." The boy smiled before it faded again. "I don't know what happened to him to make him sad all the time. I know it has something to do with his father, huh?"

Sam nodded. "Partly. I don't know everything, either. But I do know that he hurt Sy very much."

The boy nodded. "I have noticed something, though."

"What's that?" Sam asked curiously.

Sammy smiled then. "He smiles more since you started coming around." He paused before, "You and Daddy were friends a long time ago, right?"

"We grew up together, yeah." Sam nodded as he spoke.

"How come you were never around before?"

That night flashed before Sam's eyes and he blinked away the memory before he looked at the boy on his lap. 

"Sy's father...a lot happened, kid. He was pulled away from me. And I never saw him again. Not until I found you in the park. So in a way, you brought us back together. If you hadn't gotten lost and I hadn't gone for a walk, I'd have never known how close I was to finding him again. And while I don't encourage you wandering off like that again, I'm grateful you did that day." Sam smiled and playfully poked the kid's nose to ease the emotions he felt inside of him and said, "I love you, Sammy. You know that?"

Sammy smiled brightly in the way only a child can. "I love you too. And I'm glad that you found me that day, too. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like having a mommy...I guess a lot like Shelly. She does mommy stuff. But having two daddies would be really great, too." The boy was grinning from ear to ear, and while outwardly Sam smiled with him, inside his gut clenched and his heart twisted.

"You know, Sammy boy, I wouldn't mind being your second daddy in the least." He hoped the boy didn't hear how thick his voice had become.

They lapsed into silence then, Sammy cuddling against Sam's chest as their attention turned to the television when Sammy turned it back on, effectively ending the conversation. As Sam held his namesake, his arms wrapped protectively around his tiny frame, thought that he really wouldn't mind being this little guy's daddy. The thought, and not for the first time, warmed his heart. Though with that warmth came a fear that that wouldn't happen for reasons unbeknownst to him, and with that fear came a sharp pain deep within his soul. He squeezed Sammy a bit closer and kissed the boy's hair. He smiled.

When Sy returned home he hailed a greeting from the front door. Hearing the television on in the living room he frowned, curious as to why no one had responded. As he entered the living room he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face.

He stood there, transfixed and utterly mesmerized by the scene before him. Both his Sammy's were sleeping in the recliner, his son wrapped securely in arms he knew well would keep him safe.

He knew then as he'd always known before that he loved the man before him. He felt the surge of that emotion course through him, and like Sam before, felt the stab of heartbreak as flashes of that place came rushing back. Squeezing his eyes shut he tried to dispel the pain, the shame, the fear that had been so finely ingrained into him.

Why was it so difficult? Why couldn't he just let it go? He knew, logically, that it wasn't wrong. He didn't think Shelly was wrong for being lesbian. He didn't look at Sam as being wrong, or Casey, or any other gay person he'd met. So why couldn't he just let himself love and be loved by the only person who's ever claimed his heart? He knew that, with as difficult as he very well knew it would be, he had to let go of the things he’s held on tight to. Those secrets that haunt him still.

"Hey," Sy jumped at the soft voice directly in front of him. He hadn't realized he'd squeezed his eyes shut, nor that he hugged himself with a bruising grip. He didn't notice the tears. He didn't notice Sam shift out from under the boy and walk the few steps to where he stood. Sam reached up, wiping the betraying water softly off his cheeks. "What's wrong? Is Shelly okay?"

Sy nodded. "Yeah, she's fine. She'll be home around five." Sighing he leaned into Sam, relishing in how it felt to have his arms around him again.

"Then what's the matter?" Sam's voice was so soft, it almost broke him.

Sy shook his head and stepped back. "Nothing. I'm fine, Sammy." Sam looked at him like he didn't believe a word of it. Don't believe it. I'm not fine. I'm not. I'm not. Help me, Sammy, please help me. But he didn't argue, understanding the flickering of Sy's gaze behind him. 

"Hey, baby," Sy said as his son reached up to him. Holding him close, Sy asked, "Did you have a good nap with Sammy?"

The boy nodded, his arms winding around Sy's neck, head growing heavier with each passing second. Subconsciously, Sy rocked him, his eyes locked into Sam's. He hoped that Sam could read the message in his eyes because he couldn't say it. Not yet. I need you. I love you. Please don't leave me. I'm so scared. Please don't leave me.

Sam waited patiently as Sy set Sammy down for his afternoon nap and come back into the living room. When he came back, Sy found Sam looking at a row of pictures placed on the mantle above the fireplace. He turned, a small smile creeping across his features when Sy was standing next to him, his hand finding Sam's lower back.

"Sammy asleep?" Sy nodded, his eyes locked on the only picture he had of the two of them. It had been torn to pieces and taped back together again. Sam had been looking at it as well. "Is this the picture he found?"

Sy nodded before croaking out, "Yes."

Sam knew the picture well. Their friend Lilly had taken it of them at the local park one lazy Sunday evening. All the children already having been called in for dinner, they were alone. Sam had pushed Sy against one of the posts that was holding the structure up. The wooden bridge that laughing children ran across just in the left background. Their hands were joined at their sides, Sam leaning into Sy and kissing him, Sy's smile evident even as he returned the kiss. When their lips touched, Lilly snapped the picture. 

"What happened when you got home that night?"

Sam heard Sy take in a sharp, halted breath. Shaking his head he turned away, his arms snaking around his center, his chest tight. It was something he'd never told anyone. Not Shelly, not anyone. That night's torture was a cross that, up and until this point, he had carried alone. Sam gave him a moment before walking around to face him. Sy's face was scrunched in pain and terror, that night clearly playing in his mind. A sob escaped him as Sam placed his hands on his shoulders, heavy, but comforting. Sy's chest burned as he tried to hide behind the crumbling walls that had shielded him for so long. 

"Sammy, please. Don't make me do this." Make me do this. I'm not strong enough on my own. I can't face him alone.

"You need to do this." Sy sagged against Sam's chest, his fists gripping so tightly onto Sam's shirt. "I'm here, baby. I won't let you fall any further. Let me catch you. Let me find you."

Sy's sobs escalated until he was all but screaming into Sam's chest, clutching onto him as if for dear life. Sam held him there, secure and safe. Even when Sy's legs fell out from underneath him, Sam held him, gently lowering them both to the ground. Careful not to let him fall. He couldn't speak. He couldn't do anything but cry as he once again felt the sting of his father's betrayal.

Shelly came home long before expected, her last planned event being canceled. When she came home she found them there on the floor, Sy sobbing uncontained, grasping at Sam as if his life depended on it.

Casting Sam a curious look, she knelt down next to them, her hand going to Sy's back. He started and glanced over at her, his eyes watering all the more at seeing her. Letting go of Sam he moved into her hold, latching onto her. 

"Sy baby, what's going on?" She sounded worried, though her voice remained soft as velvet.

"I have to tell you. I have to tell you both. But I'm so scared." His chest was heaving through his muffled wails, his breathing quick and rapid. He hadn't detached entirely from Sam, his hand remaining wrapped tightly around Sam's larger one, tightened his grip at this confession.

"What are you scared of, sweet baby?" Gently she petted his hair and for a moment Sy allowed himself to get lost in this simple act.

"Facing it. F-facing h-him." He crawled back to Sam, needing his safety once again as his demons started to claw at his subconscious. Sam engulfed him within his embrace, creating a safety barrier around him as the world was trying to rip him asunder.

"I've got you, Sy. You don't have to face him alone. Not anymore." Sam kissed the top of his head, his eyes slipping closed as his chest tightened. 

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. 

"You're not alone, Sy. Shelly's here. I'm here. We're here because we love you. We love you. I love you, Sy. So much." His voice cracked and his eyes slipped closed, trying to ignore the bursting within his chest and failing.

"I love you, too. I do. I do. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't be better for you." Sam's eyes met sadly with Shelly's. Her gaze was just as forlorn as his own.

"Hush now. I love you, Sy. You, baby." And then he said something that hit part of Sy's fears directly out of the park. Something the kid had said to him not long ago. "I love you, and I love you no matter what. There aren't any conditions to go with that." Sy's shoulders violently quaked, his hold becoming vice-like around Sam's middle. "What happened to you won't make me turn you away. It won't make me leave you."

"Don't leave me. Please, don't leave me."

His lamented begging broke Sam's heart. "I'm right here. We're both right here. We'll both be right here after it's all said and done. But, Sy," Sam shut his eyes, his throat closing tightly as he tried swallowing around the knot that had formed there. "This is slowly killing you. It doesn't take much to see it if you really look." There was a pause before Sam asked the question again. "Sy, what happened after you got home? What did your father do to you?"

Sy curled further into Sam's arms, his tears coming in harder sobs, his grasp upon Sam tightening even more. "He was waiting for me when I got home. He was waiting in my room..."

Sy made his way through his yard, climbing up the trellis, not giving a second thought if he'd crushed any flowers on the way up. He'd just had to rip his own soul from his body and leave everything behind that ever meant anything to him at all.

His room was dark and silent as he hauled himself through the window, making as little noise as possible. He stood, now solidly in his bedroom, thinking that no one had missed his absence. Glancing to the right he saw a large, hulking figure sitting in the dark. Sy froze, his eyes adjusting to the lack of light. He didn't move even as the figure stood, slow and calculated, making its way over to where he stood.

Without a word spoken, and before Sy could react, a fist swung through the air, connecting with his cheek, and knocking him to the ground. Pain exploded throughout his face and all his air escaped him when he landed. 

"Where the fuck were you?" came the spat-out question, accompanied by a solid kick to the stomach. He would have cried out had he been able to as his father lifted him with a handful of his hair, bringing his face close to his. 

"Did you go to that little faggot's house, huh?" With no chance to answer, his father pulled him up, his grip still clawed into his hair. Before Sy had time to consider what was happening, he was thrown face up on the bed, fingers suddenly clasping his jugular. 

"You like the touch of a man, boy?" Suddenly he was able to breathe as the fingers slid away, gulping in the air in heaving gasps before it was once again stolen from him.

Sam tightened his grip around Sy, knowing and not wanting to hear what happens next. He glanced over at Shelly and their eyes met, similar teary-eyed looks of despair on both their faces. Suddenly Shelly's eyes shift to the left and behind Sam. Shelly looked once more at Sam, conveying a silent message. Slowly and without Sy's taking notice, Shelly stood, picking Sammy up, and carried him back to his bedroom.

"It hurts, Sammy. It hurts. It hurts." His voice was muffled, pressed as hard as his face was into Sam’s chest. Sam's arms tightened around him a bit more, his legs snaking around Sy's as Sy curled into a tighter ball in Sam's lap.

"I know, baby. I know it does. He can't hurt you anymore. None of them can. It's just us here now." Sam pet Sy's hair, wiped his face and shushed him gently. "What happened next, baby," Sam asked gently. He knew. God, he knew and it was eating him alive. But he also knew that this was one story, one of many, that Sy needed to tell in its entirety.

"Don't make me say it all, Sammy. Please. Please, Sammy, please." His begging broke Sam's heart and he placed a small kiss along his temple.

"I know, baby. I know, but you need to say it. You need to let it out." His voice shook as he said that last part and his eyes slipped closed. "What happened next?"

He was crying so hard he couldn't speak and when he did, Sam couldn't stop the tears that slowly trekked down his face. "I don't want you to hate me, Sammy. I don't want...please don't hate me."

"I could never hate you for this, my love. I could never hate you for anything." Sam couldn't help the quiver in his voice, try as he might to keep himself from losing his shit. "I love you, Sy. I love you no matter what happened."

Sy readjusted his grip around Sam, his muscles starting to quiver from the strain, he plunged forward. "He was holding me down to where I couldn't move and...h-h-he reached down and unbu-butt-unbuttoned my pants and pulled them down and he-he-he..." His words were cut off as he began to scream into Sam's chest. "He raped me, Sammy. He..."

"Shelly, what's wrong with my daddy?" Sammy's quiet cries were that of pure worry for his father.

Shelly wiped the boy's face even as her own tears fell. "He's very sad, baby. His heart is in a lot of pain that's been trapped inside him for a long, long time. And when you keep something that's so painful inside you for so long, eventually it'll make its way out. Do you understand?"

Sammy nodded. "And that's what's happening now?"

"Yes, baby. That's what's happening now." She wiped her own eyes and tried to smile.

Sammy leaned into Shelly's chest. "Will he always be this sad, Shelly?"

"He will always have...periods of time...where it'll be harder than other times, but no, I don't think he'll always be as sad as he has been."

Sammy sighed and sniffled. "I hope not. Do you think Sammy can help Daddy not be so sad?" 

Shelly took a deep breath and kissed the side of Sammy's head. "I do, yes. Sammy and your daddy have a bond that goes back to when they were kids. And even through time, that bond never died."

"They still love each other." He said this as a statement of fact.

"Yes. Very much."

"I hope so. I don't want Daddy to be sad anymore." With this, his tears renewed and he hugged his aunt tightly.

"I don't either, baby. I don't either."

Sy's tears had slowed before stopping altogether, his face still hidden in Sam's chest. He was limp and heavy against Sam, though his fists remained clamped around Sam's shirt.

 "Do you hate me, Sammy?"

The tears in his voice at the question, the fear, and uncertainty that was saturated within his words, made Sam's eyes sting. "No, my love. No, I don't hate you. I could never hate you for that. And no, I don't love you any less because of it. But you know what?"

Sy shook his head. "No. What?"

"I love you that much more for telling me." Sam kissed Sy's temple again as Sy's shoulders began to shake again, though not with as much fervor as before.

"Promise?"

"It isn't something you ever need to doubt."

Sy took a deep breath, letting it out in a heavy sigh. "I'm so tired, Sammy. I'm so, so fucking tired."

"I know, baby." Sam shifted, sliding his free arm under Sy's legs, his other arm supporting Sy's shoulders, and lifted him close to his chest.

"Where are we going?"

"To lie down." Sam carried him into his room and gently deposited him on top of the covers, crawled up beside him and took him into his arms. "Sy, look at me, baby." Eventually, Sy gathered up the courage to do just that. Sam framed his face with calloused hands, yet with the softest of touches. "I. Love. You, Sy."

"I love you too, Sammy."

Sam swiped fresh tears from Sy's cheeks before he leaned in and placed a chaste kiss upon his lips.