Three days later it was time for Basil to go back home. With an exuberant amount of pleading on Jaxsen’s part, Sebastian promised that Basil could come stay the week after he and Sebastian got back from a surprise trip. 

As a celebration to commemorate Jaxsen’s one year anniversary at Sebastian’s, the two of them were going to Missouri to visit the St. Louis Zoo, which was sizable to say the least. They also had a couple days planned to explore several natural caves, and an outdoor waterpark.

Nizhoni, who would be, by doctor’s orders, taking early maternity leave from work due to minor complications, would be at home, a good friend with her to keep her company.

Neither boy mentioned the kiss they’d briefly shared, but as Basil watched them drive away after dropping him off, it was all he could think about. He touched his lips lightly before sighing, opened the front door and went inside, a crushing depression settling over him. 

He found his mother in the kitchen preparing dinner. She smiled as he entered.

“Hi, baby.” Her voice was too cheery, her smile too wide, and Basil found himself wondering if she’d always been this fake.

“Hi, Mom.” He pulled a bottle of water and an orange from the fridge and sat at the table as he began to peel it.

“Did you have fun at Jaxsen’s?” She was breading chicken breasts to bake and did not look up as she posed her question.

“Yeah, we had a lot of fun. We made some new friends.”

“That’s nice, dear. Would you get the butter for me please? Oh, and the lemon juice?”

Basil sighed, grabbed what she asked for and after setting it on the counter, sighed once more, shook his head slightly, and made his way upstairs to his room. He sighed heavily again as he sat upon his bed. He didn’t understand why he let her get to him the way she did, and so effortlessly. He hated that she could break his heart with just a few words. Basil picked up his father’s guitar, the only possession of his that he had. Softly he strummed the strings, creating a soft tune of love and melancholy. He thought about Jaxsen and how his life had changed since he stumbled into Basil’s life. He wondered if he was just confused. But as he thought about it he knew it wasn’t a phase and, even if no one else did, knew he was going to have to come to terms with and accept who he was.

“Jack, you about ready to go?” Sebastian peeked into the boy’s room, a soft smile playing on his lips. “Jack, we’re only going to be gone a few days. How much are you packing?”

Jaxsen blushed, his eyes casting downward. “Sorry. I wasn’t…I mean…” He shrugged. “I’m not really used to packing light.” Sebastian picked up the boy, tickling his ribs as he flipped him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Jaxsen laughed and tried not to wiggle lest Sebastian drop him. 

Once Sebastian set him on his feet he tapped the boy’s button nose. “No sadness today, ‘kay? All happiness, smiles, and laughter today and for the next few. We’re gonna have lots of fun.” Jaxsen smiled and nodded.

“Good. Now, pick your favorite stuff for the trip and condense it all into one suitcase, alright?”

“’Kay, Daddy.”

Sebastian smiled and stood. “Good. We should get going soon, so hurry. We’ll stop for breakfast on the road, sound good?”

“’Kay, Dad.”

Jaxsen came downstairs a few minutes later, suitcase abandoned at the top of the landing.

“I love you, beautiful,” Sebastian said before kissing Nizhoni once more on the lips. With soft hands he held her face, kissing her again as if it might be the last time. She smiled at him, her grin wide across her face and her eyes bright with an unyielding passion, desire, and love for the man who held her so close to him.

“I love you, too, Bastian. Let me know when you get there?”

He smiled. “You’ll be the first to know, my love.” Sebastian looked to his left where the creaking of the stairs alerted them to Jaxsen’s presence. Sebastian grinned, his excitement about the trip arguably more so than Jaxsen’s, who had been so excited he’d had trouble falling asleep the night before.

“Ready, kiddo?” 

Jaxsen smiled and nodded. “Can you um, help me with my suitcase?” While Sebastian hauled Jaxsen’s luggage to the truck, Nizhoni gathered Jaxsen in a hug that made him giggle.

“I love you, my sweet Yanaha. Take good care of your daddy for me, okay? Make sure he doesn’t do something stupid and lose an eye, or something, alright?”

Jaxsen giggled again and hugged Nizhoni tightly, expressed his love for her, kissed her cheek and went out to the truck; Nizhoni followed behind.

“What time is Cori gonna be here?” Sebastian asked as he set the case in the bed of the truck. “Here, I thought you might want this inside with us.” Sebastian handed Jaxsen his backpack which contained his journal, a book, and a few other items to keep his occupation.

“In about an hour or so,” Nizhoni answered. “She’s going to get some girl’s night supplies.” Nizhoni smiled and shook her head.

“You need us to wait till she gets here?”

Nizhoni shook her head. “Nah, I’ll be fine, baby. Besides, I don’t think he can wait another hour.” She added with a smile. Jaxsen was bouncing in his seat, his face a huge smile, eyes bright with excitement.

“I love you,” he told her, kissing her one last time before he got into the truck himself.

Forty-five minutes later Jaxsen announced that he was hungry, and they pulled off the main road when Sebastian spotted a Waffle House.

“How about some waffles?” 

Jaxsen nodded. “I’ve never been to a Waffle House.” Jaxsen exited the truck and joined Sebastian at the front of the vehicle before they walked into the establishment together. They ordered their meals and conversed about what they wanted to do, and in what order, once they arrived in St. Louis. They ate in companionable conversation, joking, laughing, and already having the time of their lives.

While on the road they sang along with the playlist Jaxsen composed for this very trip. They filled the tank up and stopped for a late lunch before arriving at their hotel. It was nearly dark once they’d arrived and checked-in, so for dinner they decided to order room service after spending all day in the car. Once they had taken a shower and the food was delivered they curled on the bed and enjoyed dinner and a movie. Jaxsen fell asleep before the movie was even half way through, curled up against Sebastian’s side.

The next day they woke bright and early to get to Six Flags before the lines were too backed up to really get to enjoy the rides. Around noon they ate lunch and went over to the water park section. There they enjoyed floating down the lazy river and water slides. Several slides they were able to tube down together, which were Jaxsen’s favorite ones.

“Daddy, I have to potty,” Jaxsen said as he tugged on Sebastian’s hand.

“Okay, Jack, we’ll go potty and then we’ll go rest for a bit. Put some more sunblock on you, you’re getting a bit red.” Jaxsen nodded and the two made their way toward the bathrooms. As they walked an eerie feeling crept up the boy’s spine, causing him to look around as paranoia began seeping through his pores.

“Jack, you okay, sweet boy?” Sebastian knelt down, his hands holding his son’s. “You look really pale suddenly.”

Jaxsen dragged his eyes to Sebastian’s and shook his head. “I don’t feel good, Daddy.” And suddenly he didn’t. He felt like losing his lunch as a fearful dread flowed through his blood stream.

Sebastian frowned. “Well, do you wanna go back to the room for tonight? We can order in from somewhere and relax. Maybe watch a couple movies or something, how’s that?” Jaxsen nodded and reached up as Sebastian stood. Sebastian picked him up, his forearms supporting his weight as Jaxsen wound his legs around Sebastian’s waist, his arms going around his neck. He set his head sleepily on Sebastian’s shoulder, his eyes growing heavy from the day’s activities and sun exposure. As Sebastian made his way to the restrooms that paranoia came flooding back into Jaxsen’s mind and his eyes frantically searching, searching, searching for the source of that feeling.

Just before Sebastian entered the men’s room Jaxsen caught sight of someone staring intently in his direction. Jaxsen’s blood ran cold. There was something familiar…but then they vanished as Sebastian stepped through the threshold of the restroom doors.

The rest of the day and into the night Jaxsen was extremely skittish and jumpy. It reminded Sebastian of when Jaxsen had first come to stay with him. He wondered why.

“Jack, sweet boy, what’s the matter, huh?” Sebastian asked, pulling the boy closer to him. Jaxsen shrugged. He really didn’t know why after nearly five hours he still felt eyes on him.

“I don’t know, Daddy. I don’t feel good.”

“Well, what kinda not feel good?” Sebastian asked as he petted the boy’s silken hair.

Jaxsen shrugged. “I feel really scared, Daddy.”

“Of what, baby?” Sebastian frowned, worried now.

Jaxsen shrugged again. “I don’t know. Just scared.” Sebastian pulled Jaxsen, who had been standing between his knees at the side of the bed, into his lap. The boy buried his face in Sebastian’s chest as his body quacked silently. After several long minutes the tears dried and Jaxsen sat up. Embarrassed at the breakdown that seemingly came out of nowhere, he kept his eyes downcast.  

“Alright now?” Sebastian asked as he wiped away any remnants of tears left on his cheeks.

Nodding he said, “Yeah. ‘M sorry, Daddy.”

“Why are you sorry, Jack?” 

Jaxsen bit his lower lip. “’Cause I got sad and upset and thi-this is supposed to be our happy time. And I don’t wanna mess it up.” Two more thick tears rolled down his cheeks and he angrily wiped them away.

Sebastian smiled reassuringly. “You’re not messing anything up, Jaxsen, love.” Jaxsen sniffled and red-rimmed blue eyes looked up to his.

“Promise?”

Sebastian kissed his forehead. “Promise, promise, Jack. I had fun today. Didn’t you?”

He nodded. “Yeah. ‘Cept when I got scared,” he added as he rubbed his eyes and yawned. Sebastian smiled and pulled the child more securely against him.

“My sleepy boy,” he said, gently gliding his fingers through his thick mane. It was almost half past nine. Sebastian smiled at the sleeping boy cuddled into his side. He had missed this after Daniel died. These little moments like this when he could watch and remember. He remembered the timid and petrified child that first appeared at his door one year ago. He continued playing with Jaxsen’s hair, his fingers sliding gently through the blond strands.

He was aware Jaxsen still had a long road to travel down. He was aware there were things he simply could not help the boy with. Some things a father could not teach his son. Some things a child has to learn on their own with experience and the people he allowed in and out of his life. The person who would be his first love. The first heartbreak. The person or persons outside the parental units he would show his scars to.

The physical ones that marred his body, and the internal ones that marred his soul. Sebastian hoped that whomever that person Jaxsen did open his wounds up to, who he gave his heart to, would treasure it, heal it. He knew Jaxsen had many tears left to cry; he just hoped for his sake that he did not have to cry them alone.