“Sebastian,” Nizhoni called, walking into the study. He looked up at the sound of her voice and smiled. He was glad of the distraction if he was honest with himself. He pulled her against him, resting his head lightly against the growing bump. She played with his hair before speaking to the top of his head.

“You need to speak with your son.”

His eyes slipped closed and he sighed. “I’ve tried, Nizhoni. He won’t…let me. I try greeting him after school and in the mornings…he just…shuts me out.” She saw the sorrow over the situation in his eyes lately as clearly as she now heard it in his voice.

“So try harder. Sebastian, he needs you to take that step. He won’t on his own.” She continued to play with his hair and he nodded.

“Think he’s asleep?” he nearly whispered.

“He might be. But somehow, though, I think he may be awake.” He nodded again as his arms dropped and she took a step back away from him. “Go,” she ordered softly, her eyes flickering upward toward Jaxsen’s room when he hesitated.

Why are you so nervous? Get a hold of yourself, Marine. Sebastian opened the door to Jaxsen’s bedroom and closed it behind him.

“You awake, Jack?” Jaxsen was indeed awake, but kept his eyes and mouth closed. He thought if he didn’t answer Sebastian would leave, but instead he came round to the side of the bed. He heard Sebastian sigh before feeling familiar fingers comb through his hair. Tears leaked against his will from the corners of his eyes, much to Jaxsen’s chagrin.

“I love you, sweet boy,” Sebastian whispered before kissing his forehead and quietly exiting the room.

Friday Basil had had enough of Jaxsen’s refusal to speak about what had happened after their parents hung up the phone the weekend before. He waited at Jaxsen’s locker for him to get out of the one class they didn’t share. Basil watched Jaxsen drag his feet, head down, eyes shining sadly.

“Jaxsen, we need to talk.”

Jaxsen sighed as he popped open his locker. “So talk, Basil.” His voice was flat, emotionless. He closed his locker with a soft clang.

“Come on.” Basil pulled Jaxsen’s sleeve and turned in the opposite direction. Jaxsen followed him to an empty stairwell, the students already having vacated the area in the rush to get to their next class. “Talk to me, Jaxsen, what’s going on? What happened last weekend?”

Jaxsen shook his head, not meeting Basil’s eyes. “Something happened, Jaxsen. Did he hurt you?” Jaxsen did look up then to see a look in his friend’s eyes he’d never seen before. It almost scared him.

“No. He wouldn’t hurt me, Basil.” He looked away again.

“Then what? You haven’t said more than ten words all week. What happened?”

Jaxsen didn’t reply, simply lowered his gaze as the tears pooled. “It was my fault,” he whispered. “I pushed him too far, too hard.” Basil frowned as he waited for his friend to continue and kept close an eye to his face and the wash of emotions upon it. The late bell sounded but neither paid any mind. “I finally…” Jaxsen trailed off, his eyes squeezing shut, his arms enclosing around himself. 

Basil took a step forward and wound his arms around him. “You finally what?” he pressed gently.

“I can’t, Basil. I can’t do this here.” Jaxsen told him with tears in his voice but he didn’t move away.

“We don’t have to. I just wanted to check on you.” They stood there a moment longer, and though Jaxsen didn’t want to move, reluctantly pulled away, wiped his eyes, and the two went to their next period.

“Dad?” Sebastian looked to his right where the small voice carried from. Jaxsen stood in the doorway of his study, hands twisting nervously in front of him, his eyes cast downward.

“What’s up, sweet boy?” Sebastian gave him his full attention.

“Um…a-am I grounded still?” Sebastian studied him for a moment. His shoulders were hunched, drawn up around his ears, his head lowered; red faced and tear streaked, his long eyelashes clumped in a wet mass.

“No, Jack.”

“Th-then can it be okay if Basil spends the n-night? I wouldn’t ask, but I really n-n-need to to to-” He pressed his lips together, his eyes pleading for him to understand.

“Sure. Come here though first for me?” Jaxsen took nervous steps toward him. He didn’t know why he felt such trepidation about walking further into that room, but he ignored it as best he could as he came closer. Jaxsen’s breath hitched as he came into reaching distance but stopped just short. “Jack, come here, please.” He shook his head, not moving any closer. “Please, Jack.”

Jaxsen began crying harder at the rejection he saw reflected in Sebastian’s eyes. “I can’t,” he sobbed, hugging himself tightly.

“Why not, huh?”

Jaxsen swiped his arm across his face to ostracize his tears. “Be-because. Because I don’t deserve it. I just don’t deserve it, okay?” His head dropped as if in shame as his cries increased.

“Jack, sweet boy…is that what you’ve been telling yourself?” Sebastian’s throat constricted and he swallowed.

“Yes, ‘cause it’s true. I shouldn’t be loved after what I said.”

“Oh, Jaxsen, baby boy, no.” Sebastian reached forward and pulled him into his arms. For a moment it seemed as if he was going to allow for the contact, but before Sebastian could gather him up completely the boy began to fight. He flailed and screamed as if in great physical pain. Sebastian instinctively let go, but before Jaxsen could escape, Sebastian caught him and lifted him into his arms.

“Jaxsen, stop, just stop.” The boy screamed again, kicking his legs and throwing his arms in a panic. 

“Let me go,” he wailed. “Please, Daddy, let me go.” Jaxsen’s body suddenly relaxed, his chest heaving from lack of air and tears. Nizhoni appeared, drawn by the commotion and came into the room to see what was going on. Jaxsen, upon seeing her, renewed his fighting Sebastian’s hold.

“Mommy!” he screamed, throwing his arms out to her. She took him from Sebastian who looked like he wanted to both run and cry. Jaxsen clutched her as he cried and Sebastian stood transfixed, heartbroken and unable to either move his feet or look away. Finally he seemed to snap out of it.

“He asked if Basil could stay the night. I’ll go call his mom and go pick him up.”

Basil waited by the front porch, his backpack slung over his shoulder. He hoped that he would be able to help his friend. Sebastian hadn’t said much more than Jaxsen was upset and was asking for him. The ride was quiet minus a few pleasantries before arriving at the country-style home.

“He’s in the backyard, sweetie,” Nizhoni told him by way of greeting him. “Thank you for coming, Basil.” He spared a glance at Nizhoni, smiled tightly, and went outside. Sebastian watched as a child began to do what he desperately needed to, and couldn’t.

“Come on, Bich’a’ah neiit’aash, he’ll be okay. Let’s go upstairs.” Silently he followed her gentle command.

Basil stopped and knelt down in front of his friend, who was sitting at the base of a tree with his knees drawn up and hugging himself. His face was buried in his arms, but Basil could tell he was crying.

“I ruined it, Basil. I messed everything up. I finally got a family, and I messed it up.” His lamenting was sorrowful. 

“Did Sebastian tell you that?” His question was carefully toned.

“No, but I know I did.” Jaxsen still hadn’t looked up and Basil rubbed up and down Jaxsen’s arms.

“Hey, why don’t we go inside and talk it out in your room. We’re going to freeze out here. Come on.” A cold front had come through several days before, but Jaxsen hadn’t noticed the cold. Jaxsen uncurled himself and stood with Basil’s hand up.

“Basil…” Basil turned to face his friend, as he’d already begun to walk back toward the house, and pulled Jaxsen into a tight hug. Jaxsen’s shoulders began to quake under Basil’s hands and he tightened his grip around Jaxsen’s smaller frame. Once he had calmed, Basil gave a last squeeze, and with an arm around his shoulder, led him in-doors.

“Have you eaten today? Or recently?” Jaxsen nodded but otherwise remained silent. “Okay.” Basil picked up his backpack from where he’d dropped it and they went to Jaxsen’s room. Jaxsen stood by the foot of his bed while Basil opened his dresser drawers. “Here, put on some warm, dry clothes before you get sick.” Basil handed him a pair of warm pants and a t-shirt. Jaxsen grinned slightly before it fell away and he asked in a sad voice, “Can you please turn around?” Basil complied with a slight frown, but did not comment.

The snow outside wasn’t thick, but enough to get his clothes wet. He’d never had as good a friend as he had in Basil. He was eternally grateful to have him in his life.

“So, what’s going on, Jax?” Basil asked gently once they were sitting on the bed. Jaxsen’s face scrunched as he failed to hold back more tears that rushed forward at the question.

“Before I got here-while I was in f-foster-foster care…th-they…” Jaxsen pulled his arms around himself, “they hurt me. R-really bad and,” Basil’s eyes slipped to Jaxsen’s exposed arms and studied the scars before looking back to Jaxsen’s face. His eyes were closed. Basil had noticed the scars before on his upper arms and legs, but knew than to ask. He could see it wasn’t the average scars of a boy’s childhood. Jaxsen opened his eyes again and the pain reflected back was more than Basil had ever seen in someone so young.

“I…I said th-that my dad was just like that. I said that I hated him. That’s how it’s my fault. That’s how I messed everything up.” This confession was spoken in a hoarse whisper filled with shame. Basil didn’t know what to say, but he didn’t get a chance to think of anything before Jaxsen began speaking again. “What they did to me…I-I can’t t-tell you r-right right now n-now but…” Jaxsen’s hold around himself tightened as more tears glistened in his eyes unshed. Basil positioned himself a bit closer, throwing a supportive arm around his back. “But to compare him to those…monsters, Basil…I…don’t deserve them. Either of them.”

“You’re scared. Of what exactly, Jax? That’s not something you’d just simply say because you’re mad that I couldn’t come over last weekend. So what are you so worried about?”

“Nizhoni’s pregnant,” Jaxsen said after a long pause.

“Is that why you tried running away?” 

Jaxsen nodded. “I don’t wanna get sent back.” The gathering tears finally fell at those words. He wiped them away.

“Did he say that’s what’s going to happen?” Basil hid the panic from his question.

“No, just the opposite, actually. And most of me believed him-and Nizhoni-but I was still scared. I am still scared.”

“Which more do you lean toward now? Believing them, or not believing them?”

“Believing them. But when I get scared my doubts don’t let me think about that.” 

Basil nodded thoughtfully. “Jaxsen?” Jaxsen looked at him before dropping his gaze. “You need to go talk to your dad.”

Jaxsen shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. You should have seen his face in the car, Jax. He loves you. He’s not mad, he’s really worried. I only…” he paused. “I only wish my mom loved me like he loves you. I promise, nothing is messed up.”

Jaxsen looked at him, fear and hope bleeding from his eyes. “I’m scared.”

“I know. But I’m here. However it turns out we’ll figure it out. But I bet it’ll be just fine.” Basil promised.

“We?”

“We,” he confirmed. “Go.”