Nizhoni peaked into Jaxsen’s room to find Jaxsen asleep, face and body relaxed into Sebastian’s embrace. She smiled at him and Sebastian smiled tiredly in response, having been roused by her entrance. 

“Hey, babe,” he whispered, his voice full of freshly abandoned slumber. She kissed him, her fingers drawing along his jaw.

“Hi. You ready to go?”

“Yeah. Can you grab the bag for me?” She did without comment and proceeded to the exit. “I’ve already signed all the paperwork and such, so we can just head home.” Sebastian spoke in a low voice that was salted with worry and peppered with fatigue. She knew just by the rigidness of his body, the stiffness of his shoulders, the tight, thin line of his lips. Nizhoni prepared for the hailstorm she knew would soon be unleashed. Sebastian climbed into the backseat, not willing to relinquish Jaxsen from his hold. Quietly they drove the short distance back to the house.

“Da’y?” Jaxsen opened his eyes, glazed from drugs and sleep.

“Sh, sweet boy, you’re okay.” He spoke gently and kissed his forehead. This seemed to satisfy Jaxsen for the moment as his eyes slid back shut and fell promptly back to sleep. Sebastian cradled Jaxsen desperately against his breast, his face nuzzled into the boy’s hair. Nizhoni watched behind worried eyes in the rear view mirror.

Upon their arrival at the house, Rose opened the door and ushered them inside. The fire was happily feeding off the logs that were crackling and popping from the heat. Jaxsen lifted his head from Sebastian’s shoulder when the front door closed behind him. He was tired and sore. He laid his head back down and closed his eyes only to open them again at the gentle calling of his name.

“Mini muffin, are you hungry? I have some chicken noodle soup already fixed and warming on the stove. My special home-made, feel better soup. Ask your daddy, he knows all about its feel-better properties.” She smiled at the boy. Jaxsen nodded and mumbled a reply. Rose stroked his hair a few times before briefly meeting her son’s eyes and turning away, headed back toward the kitchen.

“You need to talk to her,” Nizhoni said in a tone that booked no argument. However, Sebastian being Sebastian, stubborn to his very core, argued anyway.

“I have nothing to say right now, Nizhoni. Leave it.” He rocked Jaxsen, arms wrapped around him, a faux calm hiding the beginnings of volcanic rumblings deep in his soul. He knew he would lose it. It wasn’t a matter of if, but when. His meltdown in the living room when he’d come home from the hospital was inconsequential to what he could feel building inside. He came so close…in violent repulsion he shoved that particular nightmare far, far away. He held his son, feeling the reassuring solidarity of his body in his arms, the weight of his head on his shoulder, his warmth, and felt his soul lighten if only a fraction. Before Nizhoni had the chance to speak further Sebastian turned toward the kitchen so Jaxsen could eat.

“Let me set you down, Jack.” Sebastian said gently as he reached the table, but Jaxsen’s panicked wails of protest caused him to simply sit down in the chair he’d intended the boy to take, keeping Jaxsen in his lap. Rose noted how tired and drawn her son appeared. The circles were dark as bruises under his eyes. His expression was drawn, skin pale with a green hue. The turmoil in his eyes as he hugged that boy made her throat close and her thoughts turned toward Daniel; her beloved grandson, before, like her son, shoving the thoughts away. 

“Here you go, Jaxsen. Sip slowly. It’s still warm, don’t wanna burn yourself.” Jaxsen sat up feeling weak and tired, but surprisingly hungry. He reached for the spoon and slowly ate.

Sebastian started awake when distressed, high pitched chopping sounds broke through his subconscious. When he finally came fully to himself he realized he’d fallen asleep beside Jaxsen and the aforementioned son was in the midst of a coughing fit.

“You okay, Jack?” Jaxsen concentrated on breathing and not coughing. By the time the attack passed he was red in the face with tears running down his cheeks. He was out of breath and panting like he’d run a 5K March of Dimes marathon without pause. Sebastian waited until the coughing stopped before speaking again. His voice was low and gentle, his hand soft on Jaxsen’s back. Sebastian felt Jaxsen’s heart racing behind his rib cage, his breathing finally starting to regulate.

Sebastian rubbed his back. “Slow and easy. Slow and easy. Good. Breathe in two, three, four, out two, three, four. Again.” He repeated his mantra several times until both his breathing and pulse were normal once again. Jaxsen slumped against Sebastian in exhaustion. Gently Sebastian pressed his lips to his forehead confirming suspicions; fever. “How you feeling, sweet boy?” Jaxsen whined pathetically, burrowing further into Sebastian’s chest. “That bad, huh? Can you tell me what doesn’t feel good?” Sebastian kept his hand gently sliding soothingly over the boy’s back. It was a method he found that calmed him, like when he rocked him.

Jaxsen sniffled. “My throat hurts, and my tummy hurts, and my head hurts, and I’m all hot and cold at the same time.” 

Sebastian smiled slightly at his whiny tone. “You do feel feverish.” He kissed his forehead again. “I’m gonna go grab a thermometer, alright? I’ll be right back.” Jaxsen made a whimpering sound of protest, weakly clasping hold of Sebastian’s arm. “What’s the matter, baby boy?” he asked cooingly.

“Don’t leave me, Daddy.” Sebastian gently lifted him into his arms. He could feel Jaxsen’s heartbeat, solid and steady behind his chest. Slowly they made their way to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom down the hall. Jaxsen rested his head against Sebastian’s chest, eyes at half mast, his thumb securely in his mouth. Sebastian could feel the heat of Jaxsen’s skin through the cotton of his navy-blue t-shirt. Using one hand Sebastian rifled through the different medicines until he came upon when he needed.

“Alright, Jack, you gotta have something in your tummy, okay?” Jaxsen whined a pathetic protest but made no further argument. Sebastian kissed his temple and with the thermometer and medicine in one hand and his son supported by the other, he padded back down the hall toward the kitchen. He could hear soft music emanating from the stereo which was perched on the far northern wall atop glass shelves and a more than modest CD collection. Rose’s obsession with music stemmed back before he was born and was just as strong now as it was thirty-five years ago. 

The two women sat cordially side by side on the sofa, feet tucked under their legs to ward off the cold. The lights were dimmed, casting shadows and enveloping the room in easy ambiance. Jaxsen reached for Nizhoni when she got up, meeting them halfway. Nizhoni took him in her arms, kissing his head and automatically gently swinging him back and forth; slow and soothing.

“Would you mind taking his temperature and giving him some of this, please? I’m gonna go heat up some soup for him to take with it.”

She nodded and made the attempt at a reassuring smile, but knew even before her lips curled up in the faux pas expression, she’d failed. “Of course,” she answered.

“Thanks.”

“Hey,” she called him back softly. When he turned his brow was knitted together, an odd expression marring his usually handsome features. It was gone as quickly as it appeared. She kissed him sweetly, Jaxsen in her arms, the weight of his body, coupled with Sebastian’s unique taste of his lips, served a bitter-sweet reminder of what she’d almost lost. She blocked away the thought and watched as Sebastian disappeared into the kitchen. “I’m gonna take your temperature, Yanaha, so keep still for a second, baby.” His nod was barely perceptible, his eyes wanting to close on their own. He heard Nizhoni and Rose talking quietly amongst themselves, but his head was too fuzzy to pay the words much mind. It hurt too much to concentrate on what was being said, so he fell in liege with maternal touch and let his mind try and clear. The lull of her steady pulse lured him into the beginning stages of sought out slumber before he heard the gentle calling of his name. 

“Come on, Jack,” Sebastian said as he picked him bodily up and held him as if he were the most delicate piece of artwork ever to grace humanity. “What was his temperature?”

“102.3,” Nizhoni answered, her arms falling empty in her lap. Nizhoni handed Sebastian the measured dose she’d poured just before his entry into the living room. 

“Come on, Jack. I need you to take this, sweet boy.”

Rose sat quietly on the couch, carefully staying silent on the matter of little quips or hostile glares sent not-so-subtly her way. She knew he was upset about Jaxsen’s accident with the sled, so she’d decided that, for now, she’d let his passive aggressive behavior slide. Her eyes slid downward to Jaxsen’s face. He was snow-white, his sweat infused hair clinging to his temples in wet clumps. She closed her eyes and took a cleansing breath. Jaxsen made a demure sound of prorogation at the softly spoken order, but took the dose after a final pleading look did not have the desired remission of the medicinal ingestion. Sebastian handed him a cup of juice to wash away the foul cherry tasting stuff. With a grimace he swallowed and swallowed again until all the thick medicinal liquid was no longer lingering on his tongue or coating the inside of his throat. He handed the glass back, dropping his head miserably upon Sebastian’s chest.

After Jaxsen ate as much as he could and still keep the contents within his stomach, Sebastian kissed Nizhoni and carried Jaxsen back to the bedroom they had vacated a half hour previous. Rose watched her son’s retreating back and wondered fleetingly if her family would ever truly be whole once more.

Sebastian lay there next to Jaxsen, threading his fingers through the boy’s long hair. He felt restless and anxious and angry. He knew he’d have to get up soon, but he had to make sure Jaxsen was all the way asleep first. After another half hour he felt ready to implode and disentangled Jaxsen from around his arm and slipped silently from the room.

Rose watched Sebastian walk dejectedly past them and into the kitchen. Gingerly she followed. “How’s he doing?” She could see the lines in his shoulders were stiff and rigid and hunched.

With his back still turned to her, he spoke, staring sightlessly into the refrigerator. “He’s just great, Mom. Never better.” His tone was biting and it lit a fire in her belly that exploded upward, expanding and gaining strength in her chest, before rising and clouding her brain with stress induced anger.

“Is there something you’d like to say to me, son?” Her words were spoken in a low calm that make bigger men tremble. Sebastian turned and shut the fridge door.

“No. Let it go, Mom.” He didn’t look at her as he spoke, but down cast his eyes, his focus going to the tight grip he had on the back of the kitchen table’s chair.

“No, I won’t let it go. This passive aggressive bullshit will end. Speak up, boy. I raised you to speak your mind, now speak it.” In the darkened kitchen mother and son glowered as voices and tempers began to rise.

“Fine.” Sebastian spoke through gritted teeth, hands convulsively squeezing the back of the chair, wanting nothing more than to smash it against the nearest wall. “Would it have been so hard to stay with him for-what-an hour? Have you seen his arm where that nurse had a hold of him?” Lost in their argument neither noticed Nizhoni had joined them, concern marring her features. “He shouldn’t have woken up alone with strange men manhandling him. Do you have any fucking clue as to the abuse that boy has survived? You couldn’t have just stayed with him, could you?”

“First off,” Rose began, her intonations not leaving argument as to her heightened emotional state, “if you’d have been paying attention in the first place, Sebastian, he wouldn’t have ended up on the fucking ice to begin with.” At the raised voice levels, Nizhoni looked toward Jaxsen’s room before trying to interject.

“Guys.”

“Secondly,” Rose continued, completely unaware of Nizhoni’s attempt at interruption, “to answer your question, yes, it was that difficult. It was that damned hard because the whole time he was lying there all I could think of was we almost lost him and all I could see was Daniel lying in that coffin. So instead of breaking down, I thought I would go get some coffee and calm down.”

“Hey,” Nizhoni cut in, stepping forward into their sight paths. “Jaxsen is asleep, or he’s trying to. Now, I get you’re both pissed off, but standing here tossing around blame is not going to solve a damn thing. Mistakes were made and emotions are high, but Jaxsen is alive and he’s fine. A little sick, but fine. Maybe you both should step back and concentrate on that for a moment instead of quibbling over what’s done. Now stop it. Both of you.” Nizhoni looked between them as if to affirm both understood her words.

“I’m done anyway,” Sebastian said before stepping around Nizhoni and exiting the room.