Sebastian saw Jaxsen curled on the floor against the side of the couch. His cries lamented fear, grief, and abandonment. 

“Jaxsen!” Sebastian ran to the boy and in one fell swoop the child was off the floor and against Sebastian’s breast. For only a single moment Jaxsen resisted, panic taking precedence over logic. Finally Sebastian’s voice broke through and Jaxsen began to calm.

“Where were you?” he wailed, momentarily sitting up before folding back into Sebastian, arms clinging and anchored around Sebastian’s neck. His expletive exclamation of tears pulled upon Sebastian’s heartstrings, aggravating his already raw emotions. 

“You were gone! I couldn’t find you.” He once again buried his face into Sebastian’s neck. Sebastian said nothing as he let the boy expel his tears. With a soft hand he rubbed Jaxsen’s back, taking a seat on the arm of the chair. 

Nizhoni, who had preceded Sebastian into the house, came from the kitchen with a glass of water. She smoothed the boy’s hair back before kissing his hairline. His breath was hitching still with illustrious, albeit, quieting whimpers.

“Yanaha, my love, take a drink.” Her voice was gentle and her touch comforting. He complied taking several large, gulping drinks before handing back the glass.

“Better?” Sebastian asked in soft tones.

Jaxsen nodded. “Where were you?” His voice sounded small even to him as he made his inquiry.

“We were just there,” he answered, nodding his head slightly to the right, “on the back porch.” Jaxsen looked down feeling suddenly stupid and childish. “Jack.” Sebastian waited until he looked up at him. “I’ll never leave you alone like that. What happened? Bad dreams?”

Jaxsen shrugged. “I think so. I don’t ‘member. Just woke up scared. And then I saw the time and it hit me what happened and what day it was and I wanted you to hold me and I couldn’t find you and I got scared.” With every word he spoke his speech gained in speed and anxiety-laden volume. Sebastian hugged him close, enclosing his arms around the tiny frame in his lap.

“I’ve got you now, Jack. I promise, baby, I’m here.”

“Don’t leave me, Bastian.” At these words his cries once again increased in quantity and volume.

“I’m not going anywhere, sweet boy. Nowhere you’re not gonna be too, okay?”

Jaxsen nodded into Sebastian’s chest, too vulnerable to vocalize his answer, and too afraid to allow himself to completely believe in those soothing words.

He wanted to believe.

The next time Jaxsen woke it was light out. The bedside clock read 8:45. He woke feeling warm and safe, though the dark cloud of ‘Death Day’ had fully settled over him. He curled up further into Sebastian wanting simply not to exist.

“Hey, sweet boy,” Sebastian greeted gently in a consolatory tone. Jaxsen was surprised that he was awake. If he’d already woken, why hadn’t he gotten up for the day?

“Hi, Bastian.” He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked up.

“Sleep alright?”

Jaxsen shook his head and looked away. “No. Not really.”

Sebastian slid his fingers through the boy’s golden locks. “Yeah, neither did I.”

“How long have you been awake?” Jaxsen asked, meeting his eyes again.

“Not too long. About an hour or so.”

Jaxsen was surprised. “How come you didn’t get up?”

“I wanted to ensure you weren’t alone if you woke up from a nightmare or something and were scared.”

“Oh.” Was the soft reply. He hated that he was such an invalid, so broken and such a burden that Sebastian couldn’t even get out of bed when he woke up.

“Hey, what’s wrong? I didn’t mean to upset you, baby boy.” Sebastian watched Jaxsen’s face become a black shadow of shame. He really hadn’t intended to make the boy feel bad. Jaxsen shook his head in denial, not wanting to get into it. Sebastian decided that now wasn’t time to push the lad. “How about some breakfast? You hungry, sweet boy?”

Jaxsen shrugged. “I don’t know.” He spoke in hushed and strained tones. He didn’t want to start crying already, and he did his best to control his emotions.

“Well, let’s go see what there is to find in the way of chow. Come on, kiddo.” Sebastian lifted Jaxsen into his arms and headed for the kitchen. As for Jaxsen he allowed himself to be carried, telling himself that maybe Sebastian needed the physical contact as much as he himself did.

Sebastian did, in fact, need the reassurance of the boy’s physical proximity, but he didn’t want to allow much credence to the feeling. He hadn’t wanted to admit, even silently and to himself, that the thought that if Sara Michaels hadn’t acted as quickly as she had, he would be mourning three deaths this day and that scared the shit out of him. The thought haunted his waking thoughts, keeping him up at night; while at the opposite end of the spectrum, plagued whatever REM cycles he was sly enough to capture. Sebastian had indeed lain awake the night through in the attempt to ward off nightmares invading his boy’s mind, but if he were honest with himself, he knew his dreams too would be plagued by similar images, as they had been the last weeks, until at long last sleep claimed him.

He slept lightly, taking into employment his useful skill of what he dubbed ‘battle naps’. Short bursts of light sleep to re-energize the body while the mind remained on constant alert for approaching danger; the monopolizing of such an acquired skill responsible for keeping Jaxsen’s nightmares to a low minimum.

Sebastian smiled lightly to himself as Jaxsen began absently playing with the hair on the back of his neck. Slowly the boy twirled his little fingers around and through the fine strands. The movements tickled sending chills down Sebastian’s spine, but he did not request the child to stop. It was a gesture of innocence and Sebastian was well aware this tiny swirling of hair and fingers had a calming effect, and not just for the boy. Sebastian opened the refrigerator and gazed inside with a look of disdain.

“Not really much of a selection, huh?” Jaxsen did not answer having recidivated into a silence that sat quite heavily on his chest. Sebastian did not expect a reply and did not implore one of the boy. Instead Jaxsen kept twirling his fingers through Sebastian’s hair, his left thumb firmly inserted into his mouth. Sebastian kissed Jaxsen’s forehead before closing the rather barren fridge.

“The pickins’ are thin…hmm…” He opened the pantry. “How ‘bout French toast, huh?” He gathered the bread, vanilla, and other ingredients and set them each on the counter. “Let me set you down here, Jack.” Sebastian said, wanting Jaxsen to take his customary seat on the counter.

“No, Bastian! No, please don’t let me go.” Jaxsen buried his face in Sebastian’s neck and shoulder, his hand gripping tightly in defiance to Sebastian’s shirt.

Sebastian could see the boy was becoming upset. “Okay, sweet boy, okay. I won’t put you down. I won’t set you down. Sh, baby, sh.” Sebastian moved soothing circles along the boy’s spine, waiting for the muscles in his arms and legs to relax some before he began, one handed, to make breakfast.

When the French toast was complete, Sebastian put the four slices onto a single plate. He carried the syrup and the butter to the table before going back for the plate and sat at the table placing Jaxsen sideways in his lap. 

Today, Sebastian knew, was going to be a long one. He was well aware, even without being told all the details that Jaxsen had never been able to completely shut down, to mourn. Sebastian cut into the toast and stabbed it with his fork. Somehow, given Jaxsen’s borderline catatonic behavior, Sebastian knew what he needed. He didn’t feel panic or lost. There was worry, but Sebastian threw it aside by allowing instinct to take over.

The portion he’d cut up was child bite-sized. “Jack, come on, baby, take a bite.” Sebastian encouraged, rubbing Jaxsen’s back. Jaxsen did not respond other than to open his mouth, chew and swallow. “Good boy. Here.” Sebastian presented Jaxen with another bite which he promptly took. He chewed slowly; almost absently, but ate two pieces of toast at Sebastian’s genteel prodding. In-between Jaxsen’s bites Sebastian also consumed his two pieces of French toast. Sebastian then carried Jaxsen into the living room and took a seat on the sofa. He lay back keeping Jaxsen secure in his hold.

“Oh, my sweet boy,” Sebastian whispered and kissed the top of the boy’s head, “Jaxsen…sweet one, please…” Sebastian’s voice broke, thick as it was with anxiety ridden worry. But Sebastian’s pleas fell on deaf ears. They had been sitting on the couch in the quiet of the house for the last few hours, and Jaxsen’s continued silence was beginning to sweep him away with worry and anxious fear.

Jaxsen woke quickly as he was being pulled from his dreams and from his bed. “Daddy? Daddy, what’s wrong?” Jaxsen knew something was amiss, though his father made no move to answer. In all his life he’d never seen his father look that frightened, that alone scared him. Glen took his son into his room, handing him to his mother. Just then, down stairs, they hear the telltale sounds of breaking glass. Whoever they were made no real effort to hide their presence having known beforehand about the high tech security system. Somehow they had disabled the alarms as the residence remained mostly dark and quiet. 

Spot lights and motion detectors lined the house as well as cameras that left not one blind spot on the entire property. Glen kissed his son knowing it would likely be for the last time. “Listen to your Mamma, Jaxsen. Be a good boy. Remember your daddy will always love you.” He kissed Sara, told her he loved her, checked the magazines for his nine millimeter pistols and slunk out of his bedroom.

Once Glen was out of sight, Sara turned and with a single spoken command, the wall opened revealing the panic room. Gun fire erupted from the living room causing Jaxsen to scream at the suddenness. 

“Hush now, baby.” Sara set him on his feet and kissed and hugged her son. Tears spilled as she looked at her beautiful baby boy. “Mommy loves you, Jaxsen. Stay here until it's safe and be quiet. Be very quiet. I love you, baby.” And with that she closed the door. Jaxsen stood in the center of the safe room, his every instinct warring with him. He wanted his mommy. When the door was fully sealed Jaxsen turned to look at the monitors Sara forgot to turn off. The monitors lined the west wall of the room and he watched just seconds after his safety was ensured, three men with automatic weapons charged into the bedroom. They physically accosted her, forcing her to her knees. They shouted demands that Jaxsen could not hear, wanting answers for questions she did not know, or simply wouldn’t divulge. Jaxsen’s knees gave out and he sank unceremoniously to the cold concreted floor. He scooted backward until his back was to the wall, his eyes transfixed as the men beat his mother until she no longer had the strength to hold herself upright, before finally placing the muzzle of their weapon behind her right ear and pulled the trigger.

In silence he watched his mother slump to the ground, a pool of blood ever expanding under her once flawless face, before the men filed out of the room. He watched as in the hallway the masked men had a heated argument before searching every room of the house, searching every closet, and not finding what they were looking for. Jaxsen realized they were looking for him when they entered his room. Silent tears tracked down his cheeks. He was terrified. He was alone.

Suddenly the men fled the home in a hurry. Jaxsen watched until there was no movement anywhere in the house. He opened the door to the safe room and tried not to gag as the stench of blood and death assaulted him.

“Mommy?” Slowly he approached her. “Mommy?” He knelt down, his knees landing in spilled blood, his hands tentatively on her shoulder. Her eyes were open and sightless, tears still making their way down her ashen skin.

“Mommy, wake up. Please, Mommy, wake up. Wake up. Wake up! Wake up, Mommy, please…please wake up, Mommy, please.” As the enormity of what happened hit him, Jaxsen could do little more than cry, his mother’s blood staining his skin and clothes.