Sebastian sat disquieted and apprehensive on the sofa. He had no idea about what, or rather why he was so anxious. When Jaxsen did finally emerge, his hair was still wet from his shower and clothes sticking to him in various places that he didn’t dry properly, Sebastian felt his chest lighten.

Without a word he climbed into Sebastian’s lap, his side and head leaning against his abdomen and chest. Jaxsen drew his legs up, tucking his elbows in the small space betwixt chest and thigh, his thumb in his mouth. Automatically Sebastian brought his right arm around, encircling the tiny back, his fingers drawing lazy patterns across the skin on his arm. Sebastian felt the water from Jaxsen’s long hair soaking into the cotton fabric of his shirt. He smiled and pulled the boy a bit closer.

A few minutes later Nizhoni answered the door for their dinner. She set the box on the coffee table and smiled.

“If you want to eat, I should just hand you how many you want. He’s out.”

“Well, since I have only one free hand, let’s start with that.”

Around nine, almost two hours later, Jaxsen opened his eyes and lifted his head. He rubbed his eyes clear of the gathered sleep and dropped his head back on Sebastian’s shoulder.

“Well, hey there, sweet boy,” Sebastian said, kissing the boy’s cheek. “You hungry, Jack?” He asked as he wrapped Jaxsen in a hug.

“Little bit, yeah.” Jaxsen yawned and rubbed his eyes again with loosely formed fists.

“Yeah?” Jaxsen nodded his affirmative. “Well, there’s some pizza left over, or if you want, I can make you something.” Jaxsen declined the pizza with a shake of his head. “Know what you might want or you wanna go pick something out?”

“Will you make me some macaroni and cheese?”

“Sure, sweet boy, if that’s what you want.” Jaxsen nodded but didn’t move to get up. Sebastian didn’t rush him to move knowing he would when he was ready. After a couple of minutes he did reluctantly stand, but kept his head downward.

“Why don’t you come keep me company in the kitchen?”

He nodded. “’Kay.” He followed Sebastian and sat down at the kitchen table. “Where’s Zhoni?” Jaxsen asked several minutes later once he had his bowl in front of him. He spooned a bite into his mouth.

“She had to go help out a friend. She’ll be back after a while. Till then it’s just us,” Sebastian said with a small smile. Jaxsen nodded and spooned more food into his gullet. When he was done eating, Sebastian cleaned out the bowl before making his way back to where Jaxsen remained seated. Without a word Jaxsen reached out and Sebastian obliged him.

“Still sleepy, sweet boy?” Jaxsen clutched a fist full of Sebastian’s shirt, rested his head on his shoulder, and nodded. “Why don’t you go back to sleep, huh?” He asked, brushing the boy’s bangs from his eyes.

“’Cause.” When he did not elaborate further Sebastian gently prodded him.

Jaxsen worried his bottom lip with his teeth, his fingers nervously playing with the cotton shirt. “What’s up, Jack?”

“I just…I don’t…I wanna be with you. And if I have to go to sleep I’ll have to go to my room and I don’t wanna go up there by myself.”

“I see,” Sebastian replied, running his hand up and down his back and gently swaying back and forth. “Hey, hey, sweet boy, you’re okay. You don’t have to go to bed right now,” he began once he realized Jaxsen was trying to hold back tears and failing. “Sh, sh, my love, you’re okay, Jack.” Sebastian carried him into the living room and sat in the rocking recliner. Sitting back, he carried the child with him and drew the foot rest up. Jaxsen curled his legs, his shins against the soft arm rest. The position of his legs trapped Sebastian’s arm, which was wrapped around his shoulder. Jaxsen’s arms were anchored around Sebastian’s, his loose fists curled under his chin. With his other arm Sebastian swept his fingers lightly through his chatoyant, baby-fine hair.

“Sweet boy, why the tears?” Sebastian asked, already pretty positive of the reasons. The third year anniversary of his parents’ murder was thirteen days away. This ordeal with his classmate’s parents was not going to make things any easier. 

Earlier that day Jaxsen had overheard the Headmaster at his school tell Melissa Flannigan, a classmate, her parents had been involved in a collision on the freeway that resulted in her father’s death. So close to the date of his own parents’ death that he witnessed, that the accidentally acquired information broke through with force whatever feeble defenses he’d been trying to erect in preparation for that dreaded day.

“I miss them, Bastian.” Sebastian’s left hand had been lying dormant on Jaxsen’s side, but at this whispered admission he brought his arm around, engulfing him within his safe embrace.

“I miss them, too, Jack.”

“I’m scared.”

“Of what, baby boy?”

“Th-that I’m going to forget. I already forgot stuff. I-I didn’t have…have…have very long with them and I’m already forgetting.” His heartbreak was clear in his lamenting.

“What do you feel you’ve forgotten?”

He shrugged. “Just…little things…like…like my daddy’s laugh. How it felt when he would lift me up and let me ride on his shoulders. Or how Mommy’s hands smelled when she would put on her lotion. Or the sound of her voice. I don’t remember her voice, Bastian.” Sebastian tightened his grip around him, trying to offer what support he could. Jaxsen’s cries tore him apart and all he could do was offer this one thing.

“I don’t wanna forget, Bastian. They won’t love me anymore if I forget. I don’t want them to be mad at me. I don’t want them to not love me anymore.” His subdued cries turned to wails of sobbing emotion. Sebastian’s hold around him never lessened and he wondered as he kissed Jaxen’s forehead, how long had he been harboring these feelings. Then he wondered if these fears were in direct correlation to being spoon-fed lies, or if they were of his own creation. He was aware the boy never had a proper time to heal, a proper grieving period. He could feel it. 

Sebastian Green knew the energy reading of suppressed bereavement, having had to carry around that same emotion inside himself, though admittedly for different syllogisms. Seven minutes passed before Jaxsen was calm enough to hear Sebastian’s words.

“Jaxsen, I want you to listen to me, okay, and I want you to listen well. Your mother and your father loved you with every cell in their body. There is nothing you can do that would ever cause either of them to no longer love you. Nothing. Not forgetting some details, not making an A on your next exam, nothing. Minor or major. You’re their son and with that comes certain rules. Love and pride for your child never waver. And you, my sweet Jaxsen, are such a sweet boy. You’re loving and considerate and polite. You’re too damn smart for your own good. Those are all things to be proud of, plus so much more. I know they’re proud of you, sweet one.”

Jaxsen nodded and knuckled his eyes before taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling. He looked up at Sebastian then, eyes still shining with unshed tears. “Do I make you proud, Bastian?” The look in the boy’s eyes broke his heart and he gently thumbed away the tears that were falling.

“I’m extremely proud of you, Jaxsen. You’re an amazing kid, and I’m so happy that you’re here with me.” And that you’re safe, he added silently. He squeezed gently to reaffirm his words and thoughts. He kissed the top of Jaxsen’s head as he felt more tears fall onto his arms and roll off.

“I love you, Bastian.”

“I love you, too, sweet boy.”

Nizhoni came home a quarter of an hour before midnight. The lights were turned low and the house was quiet. Sebastian left the entrance light on and enough light everywhere else for her to be able to see without having to run her hands along the walls to guide her. She walked into the living room and smiled as Sebastian looked up from a novel he was currently engrossed in. Jaxsen still took up residence in his lap, his head nestled in the hollow of Sebastian’s shoulder and clavicle, similar to the position he’d fallen asleep in a couple hours previously.

“Hi,” she whispered, dropping a long kiss to his lips.

“Hi, beautiful.”

Nizhoni blushed, as she always did when he called her beautiful. In all her life Sebastian Green was the only one she ever truly believed. Even to this day she blushed. It was the way he said it. How his voice softened and his eyes lightened, the inflection in his vocabulary spoke volumes in measurement in the depth of his feelings and emotions. What was difficult now to vocalize spoke clearly in his eyes, as well as his touch.

“How’s Kim doing?” he asked, referring to the friend she’d gone to assist.

“She’ll be alright. Give it a few weeks she’ll mend her heart in the arms of another. I love the girl but she’s more than a bit promiscuous.” She smiled and shook her head. Her smile softened as she looked at the sleeping boy. She trailed a soft knuckle down his cheek and he smiled, leaned into her touch and contently sighed before cuddling back into Sebastian’s chest. The smile remained as he shifted slightly and settled down again. 

“How long has he been asleep?”

Sebastian shrugged. “Couple hours, maybe. He’s been restless in his sleep. I keep chasing away bad dreams.”

She nodded and placed a kiss atop his head. “Come on, baby, let’s go to bed.”

He looked down at the boy in his arms that he cradled so tenderly.

“You want me to take him?”

Sebastian shook his head. “No, I got him.” He smiled and rested his forehead against the boy’s before kissing softly along his third eye. Nizhoni watched and tried to keep her eyes dry. It was a move they both had done to Daniel, Sebastian’s late son, before setting him into bed many moons over his short life span. Sebastian followed her up the stairs, though went past his own room to put Jaxsen in his bed.

Nizhoni changed into a loose t-shirt and a pair of Sebastian’s boxer-briefs. She set the hair brush down on the dresser, turning away from the vanity-mirror to Sebastian as he entered the room.

His face looked sullen, his eyes heavy with a fatigue that one only acquires by carrying a heavy burden of emotion. He said nothing but instead lifted her into his arms, his lips seeking hers as he lay her gently on the bed. He rested his body along hers, propping most of his weight on his forearms while his lips explored her mouth and jaw line. Her skin was set alight wherever his lips trailed and arched into his touch, her neck turning to the left to give him better access to the sensitive skin located there. He bit down, his mouth a suction cup, teeth and tongue working well in tandem to elicit moans from her throat.

He slid down, his mouth still fueling the fire inside of her, and took her nipple into his mouth. Even through the cotton of her shirt her body responded quickly to his ministrations. He pulled her up quickly and only long enough to pull off the offending garment. He pushed her back down, mouth on skin, suckling, teasing.

His passion was great and his need explosive; she was more than happy to oblige his requisite. He kissed a trail to her right nipple and pulled it, sliding the budding skin between his teeth in just the right way. She arched into him again, her fingers gripping his hair pulling him closer. Cold air brought pleasant shock as he sucked and nipped downward. His mouth attached to her hip bone, biting and sucking. She writhed beneath his touch, her movements and vocalization driving the need boiling inside him. His tongue found her clitoris, seductively bringing the mound of nerves between his lips. She found herself unable to move, sound quietly escaping her throat as she finally found the words for him to take her.

He made his way back up her body before capturing her lips with his. He buried his face in the hollow of her neck, entering her hard and fast, and moaned low and deep. Nizhoni wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, both holding him close and giving him deeper access within her. His thrusts were wild, animalistic, powerful and frantic. A way for him to work through emotion in physical felicity.

He needed to lose himself in her essence to quell the nightmares-ish sounds emanating from his subconscious from years of guilt and vexatious memories. The confessions, the fears, and anxieties he and Jaxsen shared earlier that day had taken more of a toll on his psyche than he wanted to analyze. His soul both screamed for release of the steady pressure building within his testicles as well as the torrid despondency of the day. As the pressure built further his thrusts became fervent, and in this dance they communicated on levels deeper still, riding that edge before they both fell over that cliff of serenity. When finally the high of release brought him back to the here and now, with it too came the reality with which until this very moment he had blinded himself; he could no longer ignore the intensity of the rapid impetuous inundation that threatened his tentative hold on himself. 

Nizhoni’s legs dropped but she held him to her breast with her arms still wrapped tightly around him. She said nothing, knowing instinctively that her words he needed less than the strength of her hold and aptitude of her patronage. Sebastian’s breathing finally evened out, his heart rate slowing, and the chaos that he’d temporarily subjugated came creeping back.

He said nothing for several long moments, trying hard to find the right way to explain the course of the day, as he’d promised. He kept his face buried in the crook of her neck before he began to recount the day’s events. “I told him. I told Jack I loved him.” For a time Nizhoni didn’t reply, waiting to see if he would expound any more details without her prodding. Instead she held him, fingers tracing lazy patterns over his back. After a few moments he began to once again speak. “He asked me after I told him if I loved him like a son.” His voice was strained and Nizhoni kissed the side of his face.

“What did you tell him?”

“That he is my son. And what’s more is that I meant it. I told him blood lines don’t matter.”

“They don’t,” she stated firmly.

He began telling her about the event at school that had gotten Jaxsen so upset to begin with up and until she came home that night. He talked about his fears, his wishes, and his wants. He cried from leftover guilt; still afraid in an irrational mindset that his only son Daniel, who died several years prior, would feel replaced. She consoled him much like he had consoled Jaxsen that afternoon. 

“I want to adopt him, Nizhoni. I want it to be legal. I want him to be able to see it on paper that I-that I’m his daddy now.” He took a calming breath, kissed the side of her neck and rolled off her.

“I’m sure he would love that, Bich’aa naasha. Sleep, Bastian.” She gently kissed his lips, whispered words of love and adoration, and wrapped up together, they fell asleep.