“Hey, babe,” Sebastian said to Nizhoni when he came through the door a couple of weeks after Jaxsen’s birthday. He tenderly kissed her. “Where’s Jack?” he asked looking around, a bit more than a little disappointed when he hadn’t come running.

It was Thursday, December fifth. He had noticed Jaxsen’s change in demeanor once December began. Still, he had always greeted him with big hugs, especially on the days that he couldn’t pick him up from school.

Nizhoni looked up. “His room. He went straight there when we got home. He hasn’t spoken since I picked him up and he hasn’t come down. Something happened today. I tired, but he wouldn’t talk. Maybe you’ll have better luck.”

“Think it’s just the time of year?”

“Partly, maybe, but something happened today.” She glanced up worriedly again before sighing gently.

“Jack?” Sebastian called as he knocked on the bedroom door. He received no reply. When he opened the door he found Jaxsen squeezing his pillow, his face obstructed, the contents of his special red shoe box laid neatly beside him. He could see his little shoulders shaking with quiet sobs.

Gently Sebastian moved the pillow from his grasp and set it aside before scooping him into his arms. When he sat down, Jaxsen arranged himself on Sebastian’s lap. He wrapped his legs around Sebastian’s waist, arms clutching around his neck, hands desperately gripping the back of Sebastian’s shirt, his tiny, red face concealed in the crook of his neck. The purchase Jaxsen had around Sebastian didn’t lessen even as the tears began to slow. Sebastian rubbed his back as he gently rocked.

When Sebastian felt Jaxsen’s limbs begin to relax, he attempted to pull back to look at him. Instantly his arms and legs re-anchored around him, a panicked whimper escaping him. “No, Bastian. No. No, don’t leave me.” The tears began anew and the little body trembled.

“Sh, baby boy, I’m right here.”

“Don’t leave me. Please, Bastian, don’t leave me, too.” It hit him like a shock to the heart when he realized what Jaxsen meant. Sebastian squeezed him a bit tighter and kissed him on the head.

“I’m not going anywhere, Jack. What happened today that’s gotcha so upset?”

Once he got himself under control again he spoke, keeping his head against Sebastian’s chest, his heartbeat calming. “There’s a girl in my class…Melissa…” He sniffled. “The Headmaster came and got her from class. I was coming from the bathroom when I heard him tell her th-that her m-mommy and daddy were in a really bad car wreck today. Sh-she started to cry and he led her to his office. Her daddy…her daddy didn’t…didn’t…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. His cries were great, if muffled into Sebastian’s chest.

“Oh, my sweet boy,” Sebastian said, hugging the boy that much closer.

“Don’t leave me, Bastian. Don’t leave me, too, please. Please don’t leave.” His begging and tearful pleading ripped Sebastian to shreds.

“Sh, baby, it’s all right. I’m right here, baby boy. I’ve got you.” Sebastian kept holding him until Jaxsen’s well finally dried up. At some point his thumb found his mouth and his eyes dropped to half-mast. Sebastian kissed Jaxsen’s forehead, hugging him yet closer.

“I miss them, Bastian. Why did they get taken away from me? Why did they have to die?”

Sebastian sighed and kissed his forehead again. “I don’t know, sweet boy. I wish I could bring them back to you.” He snuggled into Sebastian’s embrace, ever calming as he relaxed into his arms.

“Bastian?”

“What, sweet boy?”

“Promise you’ll stay with me?”

“I’ll always be with you, my love. I’ll always be here to hold you close, to wipe your tears, to tuck you in at night, and to always love you.” 

Jaxsen turned his face into Sebastian’s shirt, the cotton material soaking up freshly shed tears. Sebastian took a deep breath and braced himself.

“You really love me?” The question was forced, quiet, and Jaxsen feared the answer.

Sebastian thumbed away more tears. “Oh, Jaxsen, my sweet boy. I’ve loved you since the day you were born. Did you know I was the second person to hold you? I held you before your mommy and everything. And when I held you, you grabbed my hand so tight. I do love you, sweet boy. I love you with all my heart, baby, and I’m so, so sorry that it’s taken so long to tell you.”

Jaxsen wiped his eyes. “Do…I-I mean…do y-you love me like a son?”

Sebastian swallowed the emotion that choked him and closed his eyes. “Oh, Jack…” he threaded his fingers through Jaxsen’s hair as a way to compose himself, “my sweet boy…you are my son.”

Jaxsen peered deeply into Sebastian’s eyes, searching out truth and feeling. “Really? Do you really mean it, Bastian?”

“I would never make light of something like that, Jack,” he told the boy in his lap. “I’m sorry, Jaxsen, if I’ve made you doubt my love for my inability to speak the words. It was never my intention, and I hope you can forgive that indiscretion. But I do love you, my love. You are my son; bloodlines are insignificant, Jack. I love you.”

Jaxsen tried to stop the born-again tears, but could not prevent them falling. “It’s been so long, Bastian. When Mommy put me in the safe room she told me, ‘I love you, baby. Stay here until its safe. And no matter what happens, Jaxsen, stay here and be quiet.’ Those were her last words to me. After that no one loved me anymore. I thought that…I thought…thought no one would ever love me again.” He paused and wiped his face, trying not to breakdown, trying to keep himself together. 

“They always told me that I didn’t deserve love. That I wasn’t worth more than what they did to me. Just…entertainment for someone else. I just wanted to be loved again, Bastian. It hurt, Bastian. What they did…it hurts.” He sniffled and wiped his eyes again and took off his shirt. Jaxsen placed Sebastian’s hand over the X scar on his sternum. 

“I don’t want to feel this anymore, Bastian. I don’t wanna see it anymore. I don’t want to remember anymore. I don’t want to be ugly anymore.” Jaxsen dropped his head in shame and his sobs broke free. “I just wanna be a son with a mommy and daddy that loves me. I just wanna be found. I don’t want to be a scared little orphan anymore.” The last bit was whispered with such pain laced in his voice that Sebastian had to swallow the knot in his throat before speaking.

“Jaxsen, look at me.” Sebastian waited until Jaxsen sat up and met his gaze. Sebastian combed through his hair, catching a falling tear along his cheek. “My sweet boy,” Sebastian began in a soft tone, “what you’ve gone through…and one day we’ll talk through it…wasn’t your fault. But no matter who else may come in and out of your life, I will always be a part of it. You’re not alone anymore, Jack. You do have a family.” 

Jaxsen sniffled, and brought his eyes back up to meet his once more, bringing hope along within those blue pools. “In you?”

“In me. You got me wrapped around your finger, Jaxsen Michaels. I’m here to annoy you forever and you can’t get rid of me.”

More tears slipped down his cheeks. “I don’t wanna be rid of you, Bastian. And I…” He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep shuddering breath. “I don’t want you to get rid of me, either.” He gave Sebastian a pleading look that made Sebastian’s eyes begin to water.

“It’s never gonna happen, Jack.” Mimicking Jaxsen’s earlier movement by placing his small hand over his heart, he said, “You feel that?”

Jaxsen nodded looking at their hands. Sebastian covered Jaxsen’s small hand with both of his. “Jaxsen, before you came into my life I was so lost. I was, for all intents and purposes, dead. After Daniel died he took so much of me with him. A few months after Ellie and I split, I stayed with Nizhoni, and I have to say that she prevented my…doing something very stupid….more than once. I had nothing left. No will. Until I found out what happened to your mom and dad, that is. I knew then I had to find you. It took me six months to track you down, but I did. Jack.” He paused blinking back tears of his own. “You became my world. And while Nizhoni is responsible for my being alive, Jaxsen, you are the reason I’m living. You are the reason I smile and get out of bed. It’s all because of you.”

“Promise?”

Sebastian pulled Jaxsen into him. “I promise, Jack.”

“I love you, Bastian.”

“I love you, too, sweet boy.”

They sat there for a moment just holding each other, basking in the comfort from one another as their souls bled together, and their broken hearts beat as one.

“You hungry, Jack?” Sebastian asked after several minutes when he noticed it was about dinner time. Jaxsen shrugged keeping his face buried into Sebastian’s chest. “Well, how ‘bout you go and shower and stuff, wash your face, and come down and attempt it. When was the last time you ate?”

“This morning.”

“I thought so.” He kissed Jaxsen’s forehead and patted his chest. “Come on, sweet boy.”

Sebastian found Nizhoni in the kitchen washing dishes he said he would wash. He suddenly had the need to have her arms around him.

“I guess you got him to open up, huh?” He nodded into her shoulder, squeezing her a bit tighter, not yet wanting to fall apart. “That bad?”

He nodded again. “Worse.” His voice was thick with emotion he was almost failing to rein in. 

“Are you okay?” She looked concerned and he smiled a small bit.

“I will be. I’ll talk about it later, okay?”

“Okay, love,” she told him as she placed a small kiss in the hollow of his neck. When they pulled apart she asked, “Is he coming down?”

“Yeah. I told him to take a shower, calm down a bit more before he tries to eat dinner. I don’t know how much he’ll eat, but I’m not gonna push it tonight.” While on normal days he had no real issues eating, when he was under high stress he tended to not have an appetite, and Sebastian tended to have to coax him into eating his meals.

“Well, dinner should be here soon. I just…really did not feel like cooking tonight, so I ordered a pizza.”

Sebastian nodded distractedly glancing at the stairs. The water from the shower was still running, but Sebastian couldn’t help an unexplained anxiety that wouldn’t quell until Jaxsen came down the stairs.

When Sebastian stood from the bed Jaxsen reached out for him, never once doubting that his request would be reciprocated. Sebastian picked him up, hugging him close.

“I love you, Bastian.” 

Sebastian smiled, his eyes close to tearing up. “I love you, too, Jaxsen.” He smiled again before placing Jaxsen on his feet.

“You want me to help you pick this all up?” Sebastian pointed to the contents of the little red shoe box scattered across the mattress. 

“No, I can do it.”

Sebastian nodded. Truth be told he didn’t want to leave him yet and was fishing for an excuse to stay. “Okay. I’ll meet you down stairs, then.”

“‘Kay.”

Jaxsen watched him leave and once the door was pulled closed behind him, Jaxsen began to systematically put his treasure back into its chest. The last item was a beaten up old photograph showing Glen, Sara, and Jaxsen Michaels at the beach. He was maybe four. The three of them had built a sandcastle. The picture showed the three of them posed behind the sand structure. His father held him, Jaxsen’s head resting on his shoulder. His mother stood to Jaxsen’s right, her hand on her son’s leg and her other wrapped around her husband’s waist. The wind was blowing that day, forever suspending his mother’s hair in the air.

He ran his fingertips over the image. “You were so lucky,” he whispered to his younger self. “You were so lucky and you had no idea.” He sighed, placed the picture back into the shoe box, and set the box on the top shelf of his closet before heading from his room to take a shower.